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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if all MIL's are like this?

45 replies

newmummytobe79 · 05/09/2012 11:19

This is half lighthearted as sometimes I smirk at things she does/says to the family and I'm a tiny bit impressed she gets away with them, sometimes they annoy me far too much!

I get on well with my inlaws - but see them much more since baby has been born.

Baby is just starting to say words and has mastered Daddy obviously Envy and has started saying Mama.

I encourage baby to try Grandma and Grandad and my FIL laughs at me when I think baby has said something akin to Grandad (which isn't really!) - and I find this sweet. I equally encourage the word Grandma and also point out when a word baby has said could be similar to Grandma Wink

When baby says mama - MIL gets very excited and over and over again repeats how great it is that baby can say grandma which, I know it shouldn't, winds me up!

She also goes on about how 'baby always sleeps when it's spent time with us' (no baby doesn't)

'Baby is so good for us'

'Baby is so happy when with us'

'Baby always wants me as soon as I arrive/you visit' or you grab baby before I can get through your front door and nearly push me over!

Sometimes I wonder if she's doing these things on purpose to wind me up and sometimes I just think she's a bit dotty (in a nice way!)

Our visits always end up with her telling me what a great DIL I am as all her friends seem to have DIL's similar to wicked witches if I'm to believe the stories she tells me. This makes me feel bad for getting annoyed at the little things.

Is it just a territory thing? A dotty thing? Or just how it goes?

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDee · 05/09/2012 11:21

It does sound a bit annoying but i'd bite my tongue. Tbh she just sounds a bit overexcited with being a grandma. If this is the extent of your troubles then you're very lucky indeed! A lot of people have it much worse.

Ithinkitsjustme · 05/09/2012 11:23

Tbh you sound pretty lucky! Try not to let her wind you up, she's just excited by her GC, I'd rather that than be made out to be the evil witch - which honestly I'm not!

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2012 11:23

This doesn't make sense really.

Surely you're asking if all Mums are like this?

MILs are Mums...they don't change the minute someone slips a wedding ring on their offspring's finger Confused

But she sounds lovely to me anyway.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/09/2012 11:25

It's a dotty grandma thing. My own DM can often be heard claiming credit for DS's acheivements or personality because of the 'huge influence' she's been in his life. He's 12, they live 200 miles away and see him seven or eight times a year tops Hmm. He also sleeps so well at their house, is very happy when with them, etc. etc. I know a lot of it is bunk but they love him to bits.

DawnOfTheDee · 05/09/2012 11:28

I actually think some do change when their offspring gets married, especially if it's their son. They have difficulty adjusting to another woman being no1 in their son's life and when they get married it makes it 'official' and can take some adjusting to. But i don't think this is the case in this situation.

Original poster
newmummytobe79 · 05/09/2012 11:29

CogitoErgoSometimes - your post made me laugh :)

Dotty it is Grin

I will continue to nod, smile and be impressed with her ways (most of the time!)

OP posts:
LoonyRationalist · 05/09/2012 11:33

She sounds besotted with her grandchild. You need to learn to delight in this, isn't it fantastic that she loves our dd so much. Why wouldn't she delight in holding her dgd as soon as she arrives and try to get her to say grandma.

I have a fabulous MIL and she has probably done everything on your list. When we visit, or she visits us) I step back as much as possible as I know how precious her time with her granddaughters is. I am thankful that she evidently loves my daughters as much as I do.

Yes sometimes she annoys me (as does my own mother) but I either let it go or (on very rare occasions) talk about it with her

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 05/09/2012 11:36

personally it would wind me right up....like she is better at looking after your child than you are...

she could be over excited grandma... or territory marking.. you need an equally ambiguous "nice" response.. sort of "oh thats nice" that won't make you out the bad guy, won't upset if just a dotty overexciteed grandma and makes a point of not rising to the bait if territory marking.

LilRedWG · 05/09/2012 11:38

She has over-excited-grandma-itis! It is incurable, enjuoy it and smile to yourself. :)

Thingiebob · 05/09/2012 11:39

What the prev poster said!

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 05/09/2012 11:48

Depends how it is said really.

"Baby is so happy when with us (and with you too, isn't she lovely and happy)" = dotty happy grandma

"Baby is so much happier with us [significant glare at evil DIL] = over-competitive territory-marking

I struggle slightly with my lovely MIL because she wants me to constantly agree with her that my children are the cleverest/best-looking/most-talented/best-behaved in the whole wide world, and I am a reserved literal-minded kind of person who finds it hard to gush say things that are just not true ...

lakeofshiningwaters · 05/09/2012 11:49

Absolutely, just excited, I get it from my MIL too - 'oh he's always good as gold for us!'. Well yes, because you play with him whenever he wants, make him whatever he wants for lunch and take him out to the garden centre for a cake whenever he asks! But I bite my tongue because grandparents are supposed to think their grandchildren are perfect, wonderful and want to give Mum a well-earned morning with a cup of tea and Heat magazine take them out and spoil them!

It can be annoying, but smile and nod and sing Abba in your head while she's talking Smile

PackItInNow · 05/09/2012 12:03

Don't worry about it OP, your MIL is just excited about having time to herself with her beloved GC.

You should be glad that your MIL thinks highly of you, enough to brag about it to her friends. I'd say you have a good MIL, it's just a matter of subtly guiding her round to your way of child-rearing, so she knows how you do things and has a fair idea of what goes and waht doesn't with your DC.

My late MIL did the same and TBH, I just saw it as how she is, as she never thought she would become a GM. I certainly didn't see her as a threat and we (DH, myself and MIL) worked together to bring our kids up. It was like there were 3 parents to our kids, but I enjoyed every moment of it because if one of us was down with something, the other 2 helped out, with the kids, and let the other person recover. It was fab.

StanleyLambchop · 05/09/2012 12:05

My ILs used to say how well the dcs ate at their house- yes, because they filled them up with junk food!!! Now the children are older they have stopped this, so hang in there it does get easier!!

chandellina · 05/09/2012 12:07

It's sweet, I think. She sounds like a really positive person, even if she is imagining half of what happens! I have a fantastic MIL who apparently appreciates me too - treasure it.

NarkedRaspberry · 05/09/2012 12:15

These are the times bite your tongue and let it go Grin. Irritating but no more than all grandparents can be to the children's parents. It sounds like you've got a good one.

WildWorld2004 · 05/09/2012 12:41

Its not all grandparents. My parents arent like this. However my ex MIL & my sisters MIL are like this. It seems all about them & how wonderful they think that they are. My dd prefers my mum as she doesnt fuss over my dd & just treats her like a normal child & not a plaything like my ex MIL does.

everlong · 05/09/2012 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skateboarder · 05/09/2012 12:51

My mil gushes about ds, shame she ignores her dgdd's though. I pull her up cos i cant be doing with her behaviour. Your mil sounds nice tbh, probably enjoying being a gp and wants to be involved.

crashdollGOLD · 05/09/2012 12:51

She sounds like she adores her grandchild and is proud. She's a grandma, it's her job!

GluttonDressedasLamb · 05/09/2012 12:54

Yes, this is definitely a delighted, besotted Grandma who has no intention to annoy but is so thrilled with the baby that she bubbles over a bit!Smile

MNhoneydragonHQ · 05/09/2012 12:59

Tbh - I think perhaps all DiLs who are new mums are a bit like you Grin

I know it seems impossible to believe but your MiL loves your dc as much as you do Shock Wink

NotGeoffVader · 05/09/2012 13:05

Sounds as though she's loving being a grandma!

I am lucky that I have a great MIL, there seem to be so many horrible ones out there. Just let her get on with it, it's nothing that is doing any harm.

Badgerina · 05/09/2012 13:11

She does sound besotted and excited and a bit dotty. BUT you mention that she sometimes does/says things that you're impressed that she can "get away with", which to me implies something a bit less... sweet and benign.

I would be highly suspicious and very Hmm about her gushing over YOU. My exP's mother used to do this, and it was utter manipulation and an attempt to keep me sweet. She turned on a sixpence when it suited her too.

Obviously I'm very jaded by this experience though!

handheldhoover · 05/09/2012 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.