to wonder if all MIL's are like this?

[newmummytobe79]

This is half lighthearted as sometimes I smirk at things she does/says to the family and I'm a tiny bit impressed she gets away with them, sometimes they annoy me far too much!

I get on well with my inlaws - but see them much more since baby has been born.

Baby is just starting to say words and has mastered Daddy obviously and has started saying Mama.

I encourage baby to try Grandma and Grandad and my FIL laughs at me when I think baby has said something akin to Grandad (which isn't really!) - and I find this sweet. I equally encourage the word Grandma and also point out when a word baby has said could be similar to Grandma

When baby says mama - MIL gets very excited and over and over again repeats how great it is that baby can say grandma which, I know it shouldn't, winds me up!

She also goes on about how 'baby always sleeps when it's spent time with us' (no baby doesn't)

'Baby is so good for us'

'Baby is so happy when with us'

'Baby always wants me as soon as I arrive/you visit' or you grab baby before I can get through your front door and nearly push me over!

Sometimes I wonder if she's doing these things on purpose to wind me up and sometimes I just think she's a bit dotty (in a nice way!)

Our visits always end up with her telling me what a great DIL I am as all her friends seem to have DIL's similar to wicked witches if I'm to believe the stories she tells me. This makes me feel bad for getting annoyed at the little things.

Is it just a territory thing? A dotty thing? Or just how it goes?

Only on mumsnet would tehre be someone taking offence at someone loving their child.

Well if you find a gp loving a child offensive report it

I think the posts on here from gps about how amazed they are that they love their GC as much as they loved their own dcs lovely.

And I will be very surprised if this doesnt turn into the usual MIL bashing type thread, surely the title should have been are all grannys like this not specifically MILs.

"My MIL couldn't possibly love my kids as much as I do, because I am their mother and she is extended family." Does that by extension mean she loves your DP more than you could ever do?

Well if you feel undermined by that then I think you have some issues!

Loves not a competition you know and its also not defined by how often you see someone.

nothing to add except it has become clear to me after I had my children that my MIL hates me. I was naieve enough to think we got on quite well before I had children but now the grandchildren are here I realise in retrospect that she hated me from the first day we met. I remember the first time I was invited round for "tea" with her by my husband and now think "how can i have been so stupid" all of those ambigious comments - now crystal clear what she thought.
Sadly my knee jerk reaction is reverse psychology - and not playing games either, I feel a genuine sadness when I just think to myself about my husband "off you go back to your mum then - she is welcome". In terms of my children (her grandchildren) I can honestly say i have never been controlling or with holding - infact last weekend she and my husband looked after them whilst I was away (reason for my absence unavoidable) and had them 100% to themselves. Infact I was happy to say away an extra night so husband and MIL could "bond". Even this will not stop MIL constantly making comments to my husband about me being both and simultaneously lazy and also bossy controlling and interferring.

At least my children are gorgeous, and in private moments I still think my two babies make it worthwhile not withstanding all the venom and back biting

I think it's one of life's great ironies. Just as you don't realise how much your parents loved you and how much they sacrificed for you until you had your own children, you won't understand what it feels like to be a grandparent until it happens.

My parents and my ILs have both said how utterly shocked they were by how they love their dgc. MIL said she never thought she would be privileged enough to love another child as ferociously as she loved her own. In fact she says it's better because she loves them without the worry of having to be responsible for them. My ILs and my parents love our dc in the same way they love us.

handheldhoover, try and think of it this way. The fierce and soul deep love a mother has for her dc is the same love her MIL has for her dh. And it's intensified by years of watching him grow and blossom and when they have their own dc, it's an extension of that. That dc is part of their ds. Their dgc is a part of them. Of course your family circumstances might be such that you don't believe your MIL loves your dc as much as you do but in our family, it is definitely the case.

I agree with Badgerina - I get suspicious of my MIL being complimentary towards me, just because she then proceeds to blast hell out of her other DIL (who is very similar to me in many ways). I strongly suspect that she is just doing it to keep me sweet.

However, wrt your original post - she just sounds like an overexcited granny to me. Smile grit teeth and don't say anything. Really don't, because if you did then you would be the mean one. Sorry to say it but it's true!

Yep - I think it is normal. My very lovely MIL does this, along with the, "don't worry, I'll get him to sleep" comments and telling me how each child is now doing this of that amazing thing (yes I know, it has been happening for a week now) and so on. It's love: blinkered, besotted, slightly lonely, worried for the future love.

We don't often spend long periods of time with them so it is ok to put up with it but anything over a 2 day visit leads to me gritting my teeth and "taking the opportunity to have a lie down"! I totally suggest this strategy - win:win.

My MIL and SIL used to take my baby off into another room as soon as we arrived to their house the baby used to cry and after a while I would go and see what was going on. Que a big fuss, "oh don't you trust us, do you think we don't know how to look after a, I have brought up four of my own you know." So I stopped going there regularly.

Herrena That's it exactly. Ex's mum was so critical and rude about other women - her other DIL, her so-called "best friend" - that I simply couldn't BELIEVE that she wasn't flaming me for something-or-other behind my back.

Having said that OP, it really does sound like YOUR MIL is just very, very in love with your DD and that is something to feel lucky about.

My own grandparents were awful to me and my siblings - hyper-critical, judgemental and sometimes downright unkind. So your DD is lucky to have her Number 1 fans!

Jelly15 - The first time I took DS1 round to ex's mum's place (at 1 week postpartum wtf was I thinking??????), I was changing his nappy and he was crying for boob. As soon as his nappy was on, she just whipped him away and into another room "he doesn't want boobie, he wants his grandmother, yes, yes he does, doesn't he".

I went fucking mental .

My DF is weird and sometimes selfish and can be annoying and the adores the ground DD walks on. DFIL is weird and sometimes selfish and can be annoying but doesn't really care about DD, doesn't ask about her and changes the subject when DH is proudly telling him something. Even DH acknowledges that it is very easy to forgive my DF anything because he loves DD so much. Less easy to forgive his DF.

Treasure your loving and dotty MIL.

I wish my MIL was one tenth as engaged with my kids as yours sounds, but sadly all OUR rows are concerned with the fact that they come pretty far down on her list of priorities, as does her son.

Sigh. You are lucky.

Agree entirely with most people on here that she is just being dotty grandma. Bit annoying sometimes but a great boon as your DD gets older.

I remember once DS was 10 weeks old, went to a family party and he got very agitated and wanted me to hold him all the time (well, he was 10 weeks old!) MIL kept taking him and saying how grandma could fix it, with the result of a hysterical baby. This carried on for ages and in the end I just took him back firmly.

This kind of thing happened a fair bit where she was desperate to build a relationship with DS when he was just a bit young and didn't have much interest in anyone outside his parents (well, mum).

Roll on a while and I asked MIL to travel 4 hours to watch our now 2 year old DS for the evening so I could attend a necessary work event (DH was away). She did so without complaint. Even though he spent the whole time asking for biscuits and demonstrating his incredible, appalling dramatic sulks, she was laughing and showing me pictures of his terrible sulking which she found hilariously cute. She couldn't wait to come back and repeat the whole process!

I am so glad I didn't let minor irritations bubble over when she was being a dotty granny desperate to show off her grandchild and build a relationship. Because if she rates you and adores your child, that is something worth hanging onto.

@ "can't love my child as much as I do"

When I had my DD, first GC for my side of family my mum said this... "that rush of unconditional love you have when you have a baby? It's just the same as you have for a GC" I nearly cried as it was so lovely. Understanding the motherly love thing now I am a mum, For my mum to say she loves my DD the same way she loves me just shows how much she means to her. I thought it was wonderful!

I think she does sound a bit dotty, like most grandparents, but a complete gem

To the OP. I agree with most of the poster's your MIL sounds like she is lovely. Very overexcited and much like my MIL.

I just take a deep breath and smile as I love my MIL and I love that she loves our children unconditionally. It's so amazing that someone else other than me and DH would feel like that about our DC's.

Honestly, I do find some of my MIL's comments irritating but like many others say I just take a deep breath and realise that it comes from a good place. As the DC's have got older it really isn't as sensitive as it was during the first few years.