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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like discussing our finances with friends?

36 replies

freddiefrog · 04/09/2012 23:01

We've had some friends to stay since Friday - our kids don't go back to school until Thursday so we've had a long weekend together

All the time they've been here, 99% of their conversation has revolved around money - how much we earn, how much is our mortgage, how much is our car worth, how could we afford to buy our new sofa, how can i afford to shop in X/Y/Z etc, etc, etc

I hate talking about money.

They're obviously dying to know the ins and outs of our finances but I hate talking about it.

It's private as far as I am concerned but they seem to think I'm massively unreasonable for not wanting to discuss it with them

OP posts:
mirry2 · 04/09/2012 23:03

Just keep stonewalling them. They'll get the message eventually.

BadEducation · 04/09/2012 23:06

They sound nosey

onedev · 04/09/2012 23:08

Just say you hate talking about money & leave it at that.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 04/09/2012 23:08

They're definitely nosy!

I don't get into a discussion with them, I'm just totally fed up with being questioned by them.

I absolutely love having friends to stay, but I am sometimes a little bit glad when they go home Smile

OP posts:
JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 04/09/2012 23:24

Money
Religion
Sex

all vulgar topics for RL conversation.

OhTheConfusion · 04/09/2012 23:50

How rude Hmm

greencolorpack · 04/09/2012 23:55

I have a sister who does this, she wants to show me her bank statements when she gets money out the hole in the wall, I have perfected the art of looking at her documents and seeing through them, not takIng them in cos it's none of my business and I don't care. She wants to know about my income, dhs income, and tells me all about her work and mortgage and her dhs rubbish hobby that in theory makes them money but he actually gives work away for free (to her annoyance).

Say to your friends, it's not something you want to talk about and see if they have anything else to talk about. If not, distance yourself.

Badgerina · 05/09/2012 00:19

Urgh! How awful. Tell them it's not a topic you care for.

LesleyPumpshaft · 05/09/2012 09:03

I was brought up not to discuss people's finances, as it's a personal thing and I think prying too much is a bit rude. Saying that though, it's natural curiosity to ask how much someone bought their new house for etc. I wouldn't want to know the ins and outs of their mortgage repayments though.

If someone got something new and I liked it, I might ask how much it cost and if it was ok for me to be a copy cat.

I recently told a friend that I wasn't comfortable dicussing personal finances when she was being nosey. You can just say that in a totally non-rude way and leave it at that. If they persist you can tell them that they'll just have to stay curious. Grin

emeraldgirl1 · 05/09/2012 09:05

YANBU I have a friend who always wants to ask about how much we are looking to spend when we move house, she once even demanded to know H's salary... It is awful and uncomfortable and some people do not get the message that it is not fun!!

Margerykemp · 05/09/2012 09:07

Are they British? It is a very British trait to be shy about money.

irregularegular · 05/09/2012 09:10

That's really, really odd. I've never known anybody ask about our incomes, mortgages or anything like that. I would hate it!

valiumredhead · 05/09/2012 09:12

Just tell them if they ask - why wouldn't you? Very different if you go around boasting but they are asking you directly. What Margery said Wink

blackteaplease · 05/09/2012 09:15

I think your friends are nosy.

I have different levels of comfort - for example I would be happy to tell my friends how much rent we pay, or childcare, or how much an item cost but wouldn't tell them our family income, or be happy with constant questions about how we can afford things. It's rude.

Dotty342kids · 05/09/2012 09:15

Def a cultural thing too sometimes. My in laws/ DH are indian and they think nothing of discussing money. My DH was merrily telling our neighbours how much we paid for our house / are going to spend on a new kitchen last weekend whilst standing chatting in the driveway. I was dying inside!!! Hate it....

greencolorpack · 05/09/2012 09:15

Well Valium in my case I know my sis would go running to Dad and tell him all the details. And feel smug if she earns more than dh. I don't know if she does, I don't care. Ain't none of my business, but sis is very very competitive. She also asks me what size clothes I wear and goes off and tells my Dad which is hugely unfair because in a stretchy top I am about size 18 but if it is a tight style blouse I have to get size 24 because the clothes makers never factor for having big jugs. But sis goes to Dad and tells him I'm a size 24 and sis is all smug cos she is a 12 and I am NOT a 24 but I am in blouses.

valiumredhead · 05/09/2012 09:16

But presumably they are good friends or they wouldn't be staying with the OP?

Katla · 05/09/2012 09:18

Say 'why do you want to know?' - I find that can be an effective way to put people off asking questions I don't want to answer. What would they reply? 'because I'm a nosy so and so??!'

WandaDoff · 05/09/2012 09:18

I was brought up to believe discussing money is vulgar.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 05/09/2012 09:23

We're all British.

There are somethings I don't mind discussing, it's the way they ask.

They walked into our house on Friday and immediately questioned how much our sofa was - not "that's really nice, where did you get it, was it expensive?" It was "new sofa? how much?"

My parents live near a factory outlet village and last time I was there I bought a coat in the Barbour shop. It was already quite cheap and it was in their sale so was an absolute bargain. It was a bit chilly on one of the nights we went out so I wore it. They noticed it and I got "how can you afford to shop in Barbour?" rather than "that's a nice coat, where's it from?"

How can we afford our house, how can we afford our car, how much do we earn, etc, etc. It's really instrusive.

I think it's because they don't think we work - DH works full time, but he works from home which they don't take very seriously (ie, he doesn't actually leave the house to go to 'proper' work")

They live several hundred miles away so they either stay with us or we stay with them. When we lived nearby we used to meet for a chinese takeaway or to go to the pub sort of thing so it was never a problem, I think it's the 3 or 4 days living in close quarters so we get on each other's nerves

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 05/09/2012 09:25

Oh just change the subject then and don't tell them.

LemonBreeland · 05/09/2012 09:27

They do sound really rude. I'm afraid I would be rude back and say it's none of your business. Or just answer with something stupid like the sofa was 50p.

greencolorpack · 05/09/2012 09:28

Freddiefrog, I would say Not much, and just be vague. I'm in a job where sometimes you meet others doing the same job and they instantly ask you how busy you are, what you are making, what your expenditure is, and I just hedge and change the subject. What can they do, they can't interrogate you.

LesleyPumpshaft · 05/09/2012 09:28

As I said before, I said to a friend very calmly that I wasn't comfortable with discussing that sort of thing. She was taken aback, but not angry and she has never done it again.

suburbophobe · 05/09/2012 09:35

How very rude of them! They sound obsessed.

Reminds me of the saying "House guests, like fish, start to smell after 3 days" LOL