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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give an 18 year old 30k

168 replies

WhenSheWasBadSheWasAnOrange · 03/09/2012 14:00

I have a huge disagreement with dh. We have set up a savings account for dd and plan to save £80-90 pounds a month for her until she is 18 (she is 19 months old now).

I have found a cash isa at a really good interest rate but the money would be in her name, we would not be able to access it until she is eighteen. Once she is eighteen the money would be hers and we would have no control over it.

With interest this money would probably add up to over £30,000. It would be there to help her get through uni, or money for a car or deposit on a house.

Dh thinks I am mad leaving dd this amount of cash when she is eighteen. He thinks there is a huge risk she will blow it on amazing holidays or a very expensive car (or god forbid drugs).

I am being stupid saving this amount of cash for dd?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasAnOrange · 03/09/2012 14:41

Thanks for all the posts, some really great points it them. Looks like eighteen year olds can be irresponsible and responsible.

We should get to 30k as

  1. it is a really good interest rate (& tax free obviously)
  2. she had cash gifts from relatives when born so there is a bit of a lump sum already.

Hopefully she will take after dh and I regarding saving (we are pretty good at saving).
Definitely won't be handing her the cash on her birthday. Will judge her character in teenage years to see if it is a good idea to tell her there is cash for her for her future.

OP posts:
squoosh · 03/09/2012 14:41

Dawndonna are we supposed to feel sorry for you son? He spent the money and probably had a great time doing it. Boo hoo.

nickelcognito · 03/09/2012 14:41

I wouldn't give it directly to the child.

I would, however, make sure that the child knows she has the money set aside and what you expect her to do with it.

\we've got a junior isa in DD's name, too, and it's weird knowing that once she's 18 she gets control, no matter what.

My mum and dad set us up with building society savings when we were little and they were "nickelbabe c/o mum and dad" until my parents chose to take their names off.
and they kept the passbooks (granted at our own requests - kind of an emergency fund).

StuntGirl · 03/09/2012 14:42

YAprobablyBU. I recieved £10k at age 18 and am very sad to say there's nothing left. I tried to save it but it ended up getting spent on rent, paying of my overdraft (several times) and just frittered away on little things. I almost wish I had just gone mad on holidays/shopping/etc, at least I'd have had something to show for it.

I wasn't mature enough at 18 to understand the financial implications of what I was doing, or how to budget properly, or what it could mean in the future if I was more careful with it.

Would putting a small amount in the ISA for her, while saving the majority in another account be a suitable compromise? She could have a few thousand to blow (or perhaps not! She could be more sensible than me!) while the rest is safely saved elsewhere?

I do agree with your husband though, giving her £30k straight up is a bit of a gamble.

PineappleBed · 03/09/2012 14:43

...Google baby pension. My MIL thinks aviva is best followed by Scottish widows and virgin.

nickelcognito · 03/09/2012 14:44

dawndonna - that's down to personality - my 18 yo self wouldn't have blown it, but would have saved it towards a house.
(and that amount of money when i was 18/21 would have bought a big house with a mortgage or a terrace outright)

Mrbojangles1 · 03/09/2012 14:45

Pamsie i am saving for my chikd he is 12 and i have 4k at the moment i think the money we save will only be released at key points and my view will be be you save and we will match it

So when ds is about to buy first car
Uni
Wedding
First child
Deposit on flat

Those are the only things the bank of mUm and dad is open for anything else he can pay for himself and if he dont like it tuff

I wont pay for jollys, shaking up of fast and loose life style or somone who has no intention of getting work

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/09/2012 14:46

YANBU to give an 18yo a sum of money. You've got 17-ish years to educate and inform your DD about the responsible handling of money and good ways to spend it. There's no reason to assume she'll automatically fritter it away. Have confidence in your parenting.

oldraver · 03/09/2012 14:47

No I certainly wouldn't let an 18 year old have access to this amount of money hence why my will states DS2 cant inherit until he is 21.

Also, is this your only DC ? if you have more DC's would you be saving the same ? I ask as right now it may look you will be able to put £90/month away but circumstances may change and you may not be able to carry it on (though all well and good if you can)

Naoko · 03/09/2012 14:47

Did I just have unusually sensible friends at 18 or are you all very pessimistic about 18 year olds? Confused I had quite a few friends at uni whose families had given them substantial (although not 30k substantial) sums of money (or got it from other sources - inheritance and one of my friends came to uni having just received a large sum in compensation for a crime he'd been victim of), and I myself at 18 gained control over about 7k my parents had saved for me to go to uni. I used it to pay tuition fees. Once I graduated, there was about £1.5k left and I tried to give it back to my parents; they said I should keep it and use it to furnish the empty rental I was about to move into so I did. Friends did things like learn to drive, pay deposits, buy cars, go to uni, and in one case pay for private healthcare. I honestly can't think of anyone who pissed it up the wall.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to want to control the money until you have a better idea what your DC will be like once they're 18, but to say that you should never give money to an 18 year old because they can't be trusted with it is overly harsh.

StaceeJaxx · 03/09/2012 14:49

From experience, DSD received £10k in compensation when she was 18, it went straight into her bank account. She was in sixth form at the time. We tried to talk to her about not blowing it, maybe getting driving lessons and buying a decent car, saving it for when she went to uni etc. She agreed with us on all of those things, but being 18 and having no real idea of the value of money she had blown it in 6 months. Sad It went on clothes, booze, (drugs probably) and 2 holidays.

She never went to uni. Now 2 years later she's still really angry at herself for blowing that amount of money. She now works full time, has passed her driving test and got herself a car, but it's all from money she earns. Now she knows the value of money. If there had have been a way we could have been in charge of the money and just given her a little amount to blow on booze etc we would have. But at 18 she's an adult, and therefore in charge of her own money.

Giving an 18 year old access to £30k is sheer madness!

QuintessentialShadows · 03/09/2012 14:50

Sorry, Wooooo (in my opinion), is like crystal balls, elves and "magic stones". Confused

Mrbojangles1 · 03/09/2012 14:50

Teenagers which i belive a 18 year old is are inhernatly selfish and lack the maturity of life experince to see past today thats why teens indudge in risky behaviour hence

I would not i never would of thought my sister would have spunked the money but i just went to her head and its very hard for a 18 year old to resist being life and sole of the party i think op is right see what child is like when older

DontmindifIdo · 03/09/2012 14:51

At the risk of asking a stupid question, why would the DD need to know that there was a savings account with £30k in it that belonged to her? I was handed a bank book at 21 with £3k in it from my dad, he'd opened it in my name 10 years before and had been sticking a bit of money in now and then ever since, I didn't know anything about this. (Awaits to be told my dad did something terribly illegal).

You could do that, not mention it, then when she's 18 if she wants to go to uni say there's an account with the funds for paying her tuition fees in it, but once it's gone, it's gone. I can't imagine most would spend it on a car and then try to work out how to pay the fees. If she is that sort of person, then there's not much you could do about it anyway.

If she's not going to uni, she wouldn't need the money as a lump sun at 18, just dont mention it - or say you've put some money to one side to pay towards a house deposit, she wouldn't need to know it was in her name would she?

CrapBag · 03/09/2012 14:52

I had a few hundred pounds at 18 and I paid for driving lessons with it. I was sensible and probably wouldn't have wasted it.

My best friend got 5k when she turned 18 and it lastest a matter of months, as did her brothers. Designer clothes and a holiday was all it took.

25 would be a much better age.

BlueMagoo · 03/09/2012 14:56

I was left £30,000 when I was 19. I was mentally spending it on things like a new car and clothes etc. Luckily,I wouldn't receive anything until I was 25,by which time I was mature enough to buy a house. 18 is far too young IMO.

Mrbojangles1 · 03/09/2012 14:59

StaceeJaxx how heart breaking for you all to have to sit and wacth her piss it up the wall i think a lot of money at a young age kills amabition

Very sad

Mrbojangles1 · 03/09/2012 15:03

I think its very sad you find a lot of very rich people now deciding not to leave large amonuts of money to their children because of this issue

Some of the dragons and also nigela i think i agree

TheDoctrineOfEnnis · 03/09/2012 15:10

At 18 I wouldn't have chucked it all away. I did have savings that I was always in charge of which was birthday and Xmas money and I was very conscious that those who gave me the money expected it to be used well. I bought a musical instrument in my early teens and saved the rest for Uni.

Op, why not start DD with her own savings account, maybe puttong £10 of the £90 pcm plus some birthday money when she is, say, ten so she gets used to using it sensibly. Then you can see what she is like and help guide her in good habits!

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 15:13

we did this for our daughter but we changed it till she was 21 she is past 18 but I am not sure she would know what to do with it apart from fittering it away

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 15:14

My daughters don't know we have been saving for them we didnt feel we needed to tell them tbh

elliebug · 03/09/2012 15:16

I haven't read every post but not every teenager will 'waste' the money at 19 I inherited £75k and bought a house,
could you save in her name then withdraw everything just before she is 18 then you would still have control over it to give as/when she needs?

HenriettaChicken · 03/09/2012 15:17

I got a similar amount aged 22. Post-Uni. I spent some on travelling and the rest went towards a deposit on a house when I was 28. Your child may not fritter it! ...could you do half and half?

Everyonehasaprice · 03/09/2012 15:18

I can't believe how many 18 year olds would fritter this away. Maybe I am too trusting. I had about £15k when i was 18 didn't spend it, didn't need to. So did my sister, who also didn't spend it. 4 years later it was part of a deposit on a house. We are saving for DS and it never occured to me (or his grandparents who are putting money in0 that he might not be sensible. At the moment he's 2 so maybe we shoudl rethink

Margerykemp · 03/09/2012 15:20

That's not just stupid it could kill her- fast cars/alcohol/drugs