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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel sorry for fil and be a bit smug that hes got what he deserves..

76 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 03/09/2012 10:08

The inlaws came back off an all inclusive holiday yesterday in america for the past 2 weeks, there 3rd holiday this year- to a letter from the benefits agency saying they were investigating him for benefit fraud.

ive been with dp 11 years and as far as i thought he worked digging and sorting drainage problems, mil comes from a wealthy family and i knew she had been left quite a bit of money so i assumed as you would they were having good time enjoying it. It turns out dp knew he was signing on the sick on the side and didnt tell me - i get he would protect his dad, but hes now told me not to say anything to him as he will understandably be down.

yep, down that hes been caught out, god knows how long hes been doing it for but i have no sympathy for him at all. I have friends who truly are on the sick and have gone through hell trying to get what they are entitled too, and then theres him going out digging every day and down the pub at night, expensive holidays and not a thought for anyone else. maybe im being heartless but i have no sympathy for him whatsoever.

OP posts:
Paiviaso · 03/09/2012 10:11

I wouldn't have sympathy for him either!

NameChangeGalore · 03/09/2012 10:13

How embarrassing. In our city, they publish news stories about benefit frauds in the local newspaper. Family members are also mentioned, so if I were you, I'd bloody hope your DH doesn't get involved in this!

Lovemy3kids · 03/09/2012 10:16

I wouldn't have sympathy for him - I knew my sister and BIL were committing benefit fraud so shopped them - they got what they deserved!

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 03/09/2012 10:17

Namechange i think they do something similar here but usually only when theyve appeared in court, thankfully were not married so its not my name if it does go in.

i cant believe he has got away with it for however long he has though, i doubt he thought it up in the past year or so!

OP posts:
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 03/09/2012 10:17

God no, reserve your sympathies for someone who deserves them.

People like your FIL are what gives actual benefiters of benefits a bad name. I would feel exactly as you do OP.

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 03/09/2012 10:18

If id of known i think i would of shopped them too! thats probably why they kept it quiet cos we dont get on at the best of times..

OP posts:
RuleBritannia · 03/09/2012 10:20

Did the MIL know? Impossible to say, I suppose. I just hope that, if your FIL is fined, your MIL does not have to pay it out of her own money unless she knew about it so was aiding and abetting..

pumpkinsweetie · 03/09/2012 10:21

Anyone that claims disability allowance fraudently deserves what they get as there are real disabled people out there that truly need the money he is recieving.
I wouldn't have sympathy either-3 holidays a yearAngry

thebeesnees79 · 03/09/2012 10:23

my dad is on the sick genuine reasons and he is always being hounded by the dwp trying to get him back into work. he's 63 & been really poorly for the best part of 4 years.
I have zero sympathy for people who cheat the system and get caught, its why the likes of my poor dad are having to continually prove they are genuine.
Sorry but I hope they throw the book at him.

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 10:23

I wouldn't have sympathy for them but they always get caught this isn't a case of him getting a few quid cash in hand he was working and claiming and having a great life ,

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 10:24

Id guess his wife knew what was happening,

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 03/09/2012 10:27

Yanbu

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 03/09/2012 10:27

Thebeesknees couldnt agree more, ive watched friends go through a similar thing to your dad and its a horrible time for them, 1 is back and forth to hospital can only be fed through a tube and struggles to sleep, yet shes had to proove this on more than 1 occassion in the past 2 years alone.

and yes i do belive his wife knew what he was doing, my dp's brother knew so i dont see why they would all keep it from her.

OP posts:
DisabilEightiesChick · 03/09/2012 10:32

No sympathy at all. People like him are the reason why the genuinely ill and disabled claimants get given such a hard time.

Are you going to be able to say that to him, or are you going to be expected by your dp/inlaws to make sympathetic noises and feel sorry for him?

blisterpack · 03/09/2012 10:33

You don't have to feel any sympathy obviously, he doesn't deserve any. But it sounds like you are rather enjoying it. I've seen this a lot, especially online, and I don't really get it.

thebeesnees79 · 03/09/2012 10:34

its awful isn't it. my poor dad goes into panic when he gets a letter thinking they will stop his benefits & how will he cope etc.
I blame the system and government for giving it out to easy in the first place then hunting down the wrong people.

cozietoesie · 03/09/2012 10:34

I'm surprised he got a letter from them as first notice. I was rather under the impression that the first serious thing they did was an unannounced Interview Under Caution.

Only4theOlympics · 03/09/2012 10:43

You can't do an unannounced interview under caution as the person being investigated is entitled to legal representation. He could well have been followed though.

cozietoesie · 03/09/2012 10:45

Ah - thanks for that. My memory must be playing me false.

EmptyCrispPackets · 03/09/2012 10:53

YANBU

I'm sure a mum at school who lives across the close is claiming as a a single parent.

Mrsjay · 03/09/2012 10:55

It used to be they could just turn up at your door I dont think they are allowed now ,

QueenofJacksDreams · 03/09/2012 10:56

YANBU I hate hearing about how everyone claiming benefits is scum because of people like this. SIL is another I've shopped her 3 yes 3 times so far and they've never done a thing about it Angry shes about to go on holiday to Spain again and this time DH has decided he's had enough and will be reporting her too. Angry

Frontpaw · 03/09/2012 11:01

They must be panicking. I am such a softy I feel sorry for them, but they knew they were doing a wrong thing, didn't they? What will happen to them if they are found to have been defrauding?

tethersend · 03/09/2012 11:01

"I'm sure a mum at school who lives across the close is claiming as a a single parent."

You're sure? Really? How can you possibly know?

Frontpaw · 03/09/2012 11:05

When did the attitude change to 'I'm entitled...'? My granddad refused to claim disability when he had to retire in his 50s because of a heart condition (loads of heart attacks before The Big One a few years later - before retirement age anyway). They weren't rich by anyones measure but managed somehow. He said that it was for people who needed it.