Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be a bit sad in the change

31 replies

MrsS1980 · 02/09/2012 20:33

I know I am going to get flamed for this but I just feel a bit sad at the recent change in opinion.
I went back to work in February after 9 months of mat leave. I was so upset and came on here for support. MNetters - you were amazing! So supportive - you stopped the tears and made me feel as 'happier' as I could be. You assuaged the guilt and were generally lovely.
As I go back to work post summer holidays the guilt is back at leaving my beautiful DS with a CM fulltime. The last few days I have seen many posts along the lines of "Why have DCs if you are just going to dump them on someone else?"
I have utmost respect for SAHMs but also love my job and want to be able to afford a nice home, holidays etc. for my DS.
I guess my question is - when did MN get so judgy and at times outright mean?
You have saved me so many times and I really fear new members will soon get chased of by some v judgy, vicious people.
Thank you to all you who are constantly there for people with lovely support and advice.

OP posts:

WelshMaenad · 02/09/2012 20:37

To be fair, AIBU isn't a 'support forum'.

I'm personally in favour of people doing what works best for their family, I have been a working mum and a SAHM. I love that I now SAH but do miss the adult interaction of work, and my eldest thrived in childcare, so you carry on doing what works for you, and fuck the haters.

FriedEggsAndHam · 02/09/2012 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tangointhenight · 02/09/2012 20:40

I think this is because it's a subject people feel so strongly about, I can see both sides and am firmly on the fence with my 3 day part time job, you have to just weigh up what the biggest priority is, some people see it as providing a nice home, holidays, experiences etc and others see it as spending 24/7 with their kids. Some people think its a bit of both.

Don't feel guilty in sure your DC will be fine :)

FriedEggsAndHam · 02/09/2012 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 02/09/2012 20:43

Mn can be strange at times - you can get a wildly differing range of answers depending on what way the wind is blowing that day.

I would ignore the inflammatory posts like 'why have children if you are going to dump them on someone else' tbh I think lots of posts about childcare have people who post commenst like this. They are not helpful and should just be ignored imo.

stargirl1701 · 02/09/2012 20:45

It's just AIBU that is so 'forceful'. Lots of support on the other boards.

WhatYouLookingAt · 02/09/2012 20:57

You know its not one person posting everything, yes?

Also, your fixating on posts that reflect your own insecurities, a bit like when you're pregnant you suddenly notice pregnant women everywhere. You feel guilt about going to work, so you notice posts that reflect that more. They aren't new, just like there weren't actually more pregnant women around when you were.

Original poster

MrsS1980 · 02/09/2012 21:02

Maybe you're right whatyoulooking at. I guess I just feel sad that there seem to be so many judgemental people. Maybe I was too loved up with my lo to notice before

OP posts:

Goldenbear · 02/09/2012 21:06

You should have the corouge of your convictions on this subject. There has been a few threads about childagare recently but as far as I have read and contributed to the criticism is not one way- one post sticks in mind in particular calling SAHMs bag ladies. I'm a SAHM for now but I dont give a flying fuck about these comments in that I don't believe them of myself or other SAHP. However, I will protest on such threads as I think it is shallow and lazy remarks that if not challenged can become cionventional wisdom. Or I just ignore them.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 02/09/2012 21:06

I do think that the first few replies on a thread can totally set the tone.

So, really, many AIBUs could go either way.

lovebunny · 02/09/2012 21:20

and some people think its their duty to be unpleasant.

BlackTieNTails · 02/09/2012 21:36

i always think of it like this

imagine your partner said to you right you have to work 50 hours a week at this job, and you say well i dont want to. Hard luck he says, my needs override yours When you get home I wont have time to talk to you because i need to tidy up, sort things out for tomorrow, cook dinner etc. But I dont like going to that job you say. Sorry but you have to go because I want nice holidays, flash cars etc - you will thank me for it. Then he goes round telling all and sundry how much you love your job. And there was no likelihood of it ever changing :(

what a sad existence for a little one

WelshMaenad · 02/09/2012 21:42

See? There's always someone to pop along with a totally erroneous pile of judgemental shite.

My dd loved her daycare so much that I kept her there PT even when I gave up work!

WhatYouLookingAt · 02/09/2012 21:45

Not as sad as your existence BlackTie. There must be something seriously lacking in you to be such a judgemental wagon.

WelshMaenad · 02/09/2012 21:45

Wagon

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 02/09/2012 21:48

And here is someone to prove the point that there is a wanker on every thread.

That analogy doesn't even make any sense. Do develop some intellect.

GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt · 02/09/2012 21:48

lol at wagon

WhatYouLookingAt · 02/09/2012 21:53

was trying not to say twat

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2012 21:54

I think it just depends on who is around at the time and whether or not they feel they can post their honest opinion on the subject really.

I've seen people jumped on from a great height the minute they've said they don't like the idea of babies being in full time care every day...to the point where they just disappear from the thread because they're getting 'ganged up on'.

I've also seen people jumped on from a great height for having the opposite opinion and 'ganged up on' too.

It is a subject that people tend to feel strongly about I suppose.

WhatYouLookingAt · 02/09/2012 21:57

I don't get why they feel so strongly though. If you have a strong opinion either way, do that with your own children. But why feel strongly about what others do with their children? Doesn't affect them in other way, and telling some poor woman whose kid is in nursery because they can't afford to stay home (just for an example) that their children are poor little fuckers destined for a lifetime of poor relationships and hatred of mummy..its just twattery.

Who cares that much?

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2012 22:00

I agree, it's all a bit silly no matter what 'side' you're on.

But I suppose if someone is asking if they're being unreasonable to do one or the other, they're going to get different views.

There's no need for people to state their views in a nasty way at all...but sometimes I think it's more the posters on the thread falling out with each other than being nasty to the OPs themselves.

ToothbrushThief · 02/09/2012 22:02

There's no need for people to state their views in a nasty way at all...but sometimes I think it's more the posters on the thread falling out with each other than being nasty to the OPs themselves

I so agree with this!

Differing views are always good. Nastiness is not

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2012 22:08

Can I just say, I read the thread title and expected this thread to be about the menopause

Adviceinscotland · 02/09/2012 22:08

Doesn't bother me what other people do.

You get shit parents who work full time and shit parents who stay at home.

You also get great parents that do one or the other.

The only time I get judgy is when people post saying they have bad feelings about their cm/nursery but are worried about the upheaval of changing. Surely the little person who means the world to you is worth that hassle

RubyrooUK · 02/09/2012 22:47

OP, just ignore those threads.

I have offered support on both "I feel guilty over childcare" and "oh god I'm a SAHM - what about my career" threads. Because most people are trying to do what is best for their family at any one moment in time. And I try to help with their individual dilemma if I think I've got anything to offer.

I do think there are some very interesting conversations to have about raising standards in childcare etc (which interest me as a working parent who uses childcare herself) but as soon as people start being unpleasant, I'm not interested in those threads any more.

I was thinking of starting NiceNet as an antidote to bitchy threads but it would probably be a bit dull, fall into financial difficulties and fade away....

Flip

1 2