to be a bit sad in the change

[MrsS1980]

I know I am going to get flamed for this but I just feel a bit sad at the recent change in opinion.
I went back to work in February after 9 months of mat leave. I was so upset and came on here for support. MNetters - you were amazing! So supportive - you stopped the tears and made me feel as 'happier' as I could be. You assuaged the guilt and were generally lovely.
As I go back to work post summer holidays the guilt is back at leaving my beautiful DS with a CM fulltime. The last few days I have seen many posts along the lines of "Why have DCs if you are just going to dump them on someone else?"
I have utmost respect for SAHMs but also love my job and want to be able to afford a nice home, holidays etc. for my DS.
I guess my question is - when did MN get so judgy and at times outright mean?
You have saved me so many times and I really fear new members will soon get chased of by some v judgy, vicious people.
Thank you to all you who are constantly there for people with lovely support and advice.

Thanks, Ruby, I am happy with my decision to work. Feel sad at leaving him that's all. Not saying there is any right or wrong way to parent, just think the speed with which people attack is a shame. Off to bed now ready to start the new term tomorrow! Wish me luck x

Sorry but you have to go because I want nice holidays, flash cars etc
Honestly, as if that's the only reason both parents work.

OP, don't forget (as a wise friend once said to me), when these things get discussed the vitriol is usually much much more about people desperately defending their own choices than actually have a concrete motive to attack you.

You say "Well, I am WOHM and it's hard but we've found a nice childminder and DD is happy", and some people hear "Well I am a WOHM which is the way to be really" and jump in to defend being SAHM, part-time, whatever.

Good luck MrsS!

I'm also happy with my decision to work. Most important, my son is happy at the moment and if he wasn't, that is what would make me reconsider. Not the opinions of people I don't know, who may have entirely different circumstances and background from me, so may have entirely different decisions about life to make.

Perhaps at some point I will be a SAHM if that suits our family better and I won't feel bad about that either. As long as we are all ok with it, that will be the right decision.

As a single parent we're buggered either way, neglectful if we work or dirty benefit scroungers if we stay at home! My own sister basically told me I was a bad mother for working full time when ds was two (worked pt before).

Ah, my mum was a single mum Lucie. She worked full time to make ends meet till she or very sick and had to take benefits for a few years until she recovered. She just did her best under any circumstances and I am fiercely proud of her for giving me such a great start in life when she had so little.

She is the best mum in the world and I'd be thrilled if my son felt half as proud and loyal to me as my brother and I do to her. We both adore her and couldn't be closer.

I always knew she would be there for me no matter what. That isn't really affected by anything to do with working apart from her being an open, loving person. So I don't place too much sway on the old work/don't work debates.

Most people try to do their best in whatever way they can and hopefully their kids will (one day) appreciate that.

Oh the judgemental bollocks about WOHMs enrages me...and I'm not even a WOHM so not being defensive or sensitive.

But the way I see it, most women have to work. Most of our daughters will have to work. Most of our sons' wives will have to work...so why in the name of all things holy would we want to saddle our special/wonderful/fabulous girls with this shitty emotional baggage????