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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my DP should be invited if I am?

66 replies

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 19:19

Me and DP have been together for 18months on a few weeks. Was invited to Dads BBQ today (on another thread), didn't go for numerous reasons. One being my DP wasn't invited. I don't have to do everything with him but expect him to be invited to family gatherings etc. everyone else who went/was invited had their OHs invited too.

AIBU to think he should be invited?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2012 20:59

Hold on a minute OP you posted a couple of weeks ago to say you'd name changed on a thread (so it's obviously not a secret)

But under your old nickname there's a massive history between you and your DP.

Do you not think the reason your Dad doesn't like your DP is because of the way he's treated you?

Original poster

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 21:02

Dad knows nothing of that and it all started before that happened.

Me and DP have sorted it all out put everything behind us so Dad has no need to know.

Dads been the same since first meeting DP

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2012 21:03

Well perhaps your Dad's 'Bastard radar' was bleeping?

Or maybe your brother told him what he's really like?

Either way, I'd say he definitely knows something from the way you're describing your Dad's dislike of him.

Original poster

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 21:05

Thats what I said previously, bro has probs bad mouthed to Dad - I understand him being a twat about DP now but not before

OP posts:

holyfishnets · 02/09/2012 21:07

Just nrely next time ''yes we would love to come. what shall we bring?''

dottyspotty2 · 02/09/2012 21:08

I assumed you where older than 18 but I have 2 DD's aged almost 17 and 21 if I found out their bf's treated them shit they wouldn't be welcome in my house and I would try to persuade them to kick them into touch. Your just young enjoy your life before settling down.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 02/09/2012 21:10

There are worse things to do than cut your dad out of your life.

I haven't spoken to my dad in years. He's never met his only grandchild. It's his loss, not mine and I'm none the worse for it. You need to ask yourself if your dad contributes anything positive to your life, if the answer is no, just walk away. If he's a decent father, he'll come running, if he doesn't you made the right choice.

Original poster

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 21:13

Positive and my dad in the same situation - more chance of pigs flying. Am prepared to cut him out but I still want to see my 5year bro and maybe my spoilt brat 11year Old sis

OP posts:

QueenofPlaids · 02/09/2012 22:41

OP when I read the first few posts, I was ready to suggest it was an age thing or an over-protective father thing, but having read more I think your father is a piece of work.

You are young and although you're relationship is well established, being still at home it doesn't sound particulary 'entangled' for want of a better word (no mortgage, joint tenancy, DC etc.), so if it was me, I wouldn't make any challenge so much about your DP, but more about you. (Because I actually think this has by little to do with your DP if there have been no obvious altercations).

You deserve respect as an individual and your choices should be respected. I don't think your father is doing that, independent of the complete disrespect shown to your DP. Out of interest, is DP also 18 or a bit older?

Incidentally my father does not like my DP - or so he says - but they get along just fine and my parents would never be so rude as to exclude him. We're 10 yrs, but this would've been the case 7 years ago when we bought a house together as well so IMO your father is being an arse

Original poster

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 22:51

DP is 21 in a few weeks so no huge age gap.

I've made the decision to not have contact with Dad unless he contacts me

OP posts:

QueenofPlaids · 02/09/2012 23:10

I think that sounds like a pretty good approach. You have the support your need from mum, stepdad & DP, so give him the chance to do the running. From what you've said you have little to lose and it should give you an idea of your father's affections / priorities.

Out of interest, given you've been together a good while, what's your DP's view?

Original poster

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 23:26

After all this he thinks my Dad is rude and that he don't give a fuck about me - guess that's true.
I think I'll always remember Dad making me get the bus (took an hour then 45min walk) 3day after I was out of hosp after being very ill. Now I think about it he can't care a bout me

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2012 23:28

I hate to say it but I'm not sure your DP does either so I'd be very careful about who you choose to cut out of your life.

Burnt bridges are the hardest to rebuild.

Original poster

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 23:34

Cutting Dad out my life won't be a major issue to me, really not fussed about him. My mum and stepdad are both amazing and give lots of support

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/09/2012 23:39

So really, the only reason to have any contact with him at all is to continue contact with your younger siblings?

Original poster

Dordeydoo · 02/09/2012 23:43

Basically yeh

OP posts:

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