To think that my DP should be invited if I am?

[Dordeydoo]

Me and DP have been together for 18months on a few weeks. Was invited to Dads BBQ today (on another thread), didn't go for numerous reasons. One being my DP wasn't invited. I don't have to do everything with him but expect him to be invited to family gatherings etc. everyone else who went/was invited had their OHs invited too.

AIBU to think he should be invited?

I really don't know, can't see any reason not to.

Well its obvious that your dad doesnt like your boyfriend. Have you not challenged him on it when he says things like "dont bring that muppet?"

YWBU not to immediately react to your dad referring to your DP as a muppet. Why didn't you pull him up on it straight away and ask what the actual fuck that was supposed to mean?

Challenged him loads and fed up of doing do. Did overhear my Dad saying to my Grandad once that he'll never be family so he might as well fuck off

how odd to get an "invite" for a bb.

I'd get a call, or txt, and would assume partner could come too???!!!

are your family very formal?

It was for Dads birthday so invites we're sent then saw Dad yesterday and was then when he made it clear DP wasn't invited

Is there more to this OP? Your long term DP doesn't get an invite but your brothers DP does? Did you not ask why this was?

Sounds like your Dad has a real downer on your DP, there must be a reason......

There's no more than I've written. Suddenly just though that my brother is golden boy which is prob why his gf was invited.

I asked why and got told to stop being so fucking pathetic and get on with it as life ain't fair

If I was in this position I would be annoyed, but wouldnt be worth falling out with my Dad for, but everyones different. Reckon you need to push having the conversation with your Dad maybe, explain how upset you were and see if he can give you a sensible answer.

Pushed the conversation many times, main one being when DP wasn't invited to my surprise birthday meal. Caused a huge fuss about that. But hey that's a new thread

OP just a question, but how old are you and your brother? Only I get vibes of childhood competition and insecurity that is still going on.

I'm sure there's more to this...

Wow. Your dad IS a charmer, non?

I'm 18 and brother is 20.
Brother is a shit stirrer and thinks the sun shines out of dads arse and vice versa. The more I think about it the more I recon brother has bad mouthed DP to my Dad

Is it possible that your Dad is holding back on telling you something he knows about your DP? I would be peed off too if my siblings DP was invited and mine wasn't without good reason!! That's not on....

Dordeydoo, having read your other thread too, I have to ask - just why do you let your father behave like this to you? Frankly, he's an arse, but that doesn't mean you have to take it.

Ah so you've been with DP since you were 16/17?

That's why then. 18 isn't really that old, as far as your dad is concerned you're still a kid and he doesn't like you being with a bloke full stop. Don't take it personally, he'd dislike anyone you were with.

That does explain a lot. I agree with Desparately. I think you'll have a few more years of your Dad being an arse about it, and wanting to treat you like a child. It takes some parents a lot longer than others to take the hint; doesn't mean hes not being an arse, but it does explain a lot. He probably feels a bit threatened by a new man in your life as he is no longer THE man in your life, if you get what I mean.

As for your brother, he's immature. It shows.

Could it be that your Dad would have a problem with ANY boyfriend you had, and not just DP specifically? You're younger, a daughter, and some dads have ~ishooz~ with their "little girls" growing up and becoming women with relationships of their own... almost like a weird jealousy that suddenly they aren't the most important man in their daughter's life.

I agree, your dad doesn't see you as an adult and doesn't think you are in an adult relationship. He does see your older brother as an adult in an adult relationship.

If you are, you have 2 choices, wait it out and eventually Dad will accept him. Of stop seeing Dad and go about your life as you want to.

You don't sound unreasonable here. But I'm not sure you are going to get the answers you want from this thread, we don't know your father and can only guess at his reasons for behaving like this.

I would recommend reading OP's other thread for further information on her father's behaviour. Having read it I must say I do NOT think it is a case of no-man-is-good-enough-for-my-daughter. More a case of you-exist-for-my-benefit-not-your-own.

FWIW, my grandfather always disliked my father and made it obvious. He made lots of remarks about him not being good enough for my mum.

Oh his death bed, my father went to visit him. For various reasons my Mum couldn't go. He apologised and said how he'd be so impressed with my father and how he'd misjudged him and he was glad he made my Mum happy.

But it took 20years of marriage for him to do that. Though it has to be said that my Mum's relationship with her Dad wasn't great for a lot of reasons; divorce, living abroad, just generally never very close and she didn't live with him during her teens.

I think you have to reassure your Dad that he's still no1 in your life somehow (even if hes not) and give him time to come round to your choice in time. If he won't invite your DP round, invite your DF to things with both you and your DP. It might be worth biting the bullet and accepting your Dad's way on his patch to an extent because it maintains your relationship and he gets to see you have grown up and are an adult, otherwise he'll forever see you as his little girl.

If you invite your father to do things with your DP on your terms, it makes it more difficult for him to refuse, as you are inviting him to be part of your world. If he feeling less important to you, he's more likely to be pleased by being asked to be involved by you. If he refuses, you have a stronger case to say to him that you want him to be part of your life and its his choice as to what he wants ultimately. Rather than you being the 'difficult' one in refusing to do things on his terms on his patch.

Remember its a marathon not a sprint.

As an adult, your dad should have the respect to at least keep his nasty remarks to himself.

If my dad EVER called DH a muppet, he'd soon find that I'd be staying away from the house by making excuses that I'm busy or I have other plans. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that, even if they were blood related.

Dads never been number 1 man in my life, very much was/is my stepdad.

Dads only concerned about me if it's his terms ie at his house, me on my own, or something he's instigated. I've suggested many things but he refuses.

At the moment I want to cut Dad out as I have all the men I need (DP & stepdad).

Never been close to Dad as he's never really bothered with me