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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To email them?

52 replies

WelshMaenad · 02/09/2012 18:56

took my kids to a park we like today - it's a bit if a drive but lovely and the equipment is nicely accessible for Dd(6) who has a physical disability. When we got there there was some marching band contest, we watched for a minute but dd and DS (2) just wanted the park so we went over.

There were hoards of marching band kids ranging from 8/9 up to mid-late teens in the play park. Their behaviour was DISGUSTING. Spitting, throwing litter, older ones sat smoking on the play equipment, and all of them swearing their heads off. Now, I fucking live a good swear, but not in front if toddlers every third word. While I was watching DS (planning on getting the he'll out) dd went up to the teenage girls monopolising the basket swing and asked nicely if she could have a go. One responded "she can fuck off, I'M fucking on it!" but before I could get over there one of them lifted her on. They proceeded to mock her, try to push her off, and trample on her. I grabbed DS, retrieved her, and we left.

I did complain to a contest official as we were leaving but I was still fuming when we got home so tracked down the website of the band mist if them were in (they were in logoed t shirts) and emailed them, telling them what had happened and how appalled I was.

Unreasonable?

OP posts:
PopcornCity · 02/09/2012 19:51

YANBU. Definitely email them.

MammaTJisWearingGold · 02/09/2012 19:59

You have done the right thing. I am looking forward to hearing about the response(please don't be a post and run poster).

Original poster
WelshMaenad · 02/09/2012 20:04

She is totally awesome. She also went and picked up the rubbish they dropped and put it in the bin before we left the park (except the plastic bottle which she carried all teh way to the car to 'go in the a-cycle-in'.

I will most certainly let you know about the response I get!

OP posts:
eslteacher · 02/09/2012 20:07

What was the reaction of the contest official to your verbal complaint? Did s/he seem bothered or not?

YADNBU to email them, anyway. I was in bands when I was younger, and I can imagine the talking to we'd have got in rehearsal if someone complained about us...

Original poster
WelshMaenad · 02/09/2012 20:17

The contest official was great and went striding off saying "we're going to stamp that out right away!". I just felt the need to speak to someone who was actually supposed to be responsible for the yobs kids involved.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 02/09/2012 20:22

Police?
Make a formal complaint?
It is discrimination (not to say just bloody vile) to mock the disabled and prevent them using public services (like a park) surely?

Original poster
WelshMaenad · 03/09/2012 09:02

OOOOOOOOPDATE!

Got an email from the band's secretary, thus:

"Thank you for your email.

I am sorry to hear about the behaviour you experienced today at Barry Sidings. May i firstly appologise to you and your family.

We were made aware of you complaint by one of the officials today and can confirm that one of our committee members went over to the park area but only one member was at the park area at that time. I am suprised to learn about your complaint and can confirm that we are investigating the matter with the children involved.

Please accept my apologise once again to you and your family members."

Which I THINK means they're not really going to do much, but I do feel better for complaining, and hoping that they will, possibly, have to endure a mild public rollocking at the next rehearsal.

OP posts:
Lovelygoldboots · 03/09/2012 09:30

Hi, I am glad you got a response but it is a bit wet and disappointing and the phrase "I am surprised to learn about your complaint" is a bit bloody annoying given the sheer unpleasantness of what happened. Hope you are all ok.

eslteacher · 03/09/2012 09:37

Yeah, I get the impression that they think you're exaggerating, given that they only saw one member in the park by the time they got there.

(Though probably if the kids had got wind of you complaining to the official they had purposely scarpered by that time)

Oh well, probably not much more you can do but well done for complaining and hopefully they will get a suitable telling off and reconsider their behaviour a bit.

savoycabbage · 03/09/2012 09:38

Email them back and tell them you have reported the youths to the police for discrimination.

I was in KFC when an employee told another one that she would suck him off if she didn't have to go on the drive through window. Right in front of my dc.

I emailed head office and offered me 10% off my next order...

For having to explain fellatio to a 6 year old.

Lovelygoldboots · 03/09/2012 09:59

What savoycabbage said would be a good thing to do if you feel up to it. And I am Shock at what happened in KFC.

Original poster
WelshMaenad · 03/09/2012 10:13

You are spurring on my righteous indignation, friends. I have replied:

"Thank you for your swift response. I assure you that I, too, was very surprised to encounter such behaviour, but can confirm that it all happened precisely as explained. As we left the park, the youths associated with your group started to disperse, we actually saw quite a few of them gathered by your coach as we returned to our car (we passed along the way one of your very small associates, in your distinctive red shirt, expressing surprise that she "didn't bloody know" she was meant to be gathering somewhere, evidently the language of her elder peers has been a wonderful influence on her).

Particularly obnoxious (and noxious, waving her cigarette around the park) was a young lady with dyed black hair wearing a blue pattened hoodie jacket. She was languishing next to your coach as we were leaving, smirking at us. I'm so glad my disgust at her horrific attitude amused her.

To be honest, I'm considering contacting the British Federation of Youth Marching Bands regarding your group. The more I think on it, the more it sickens me that they were so badly behaved, particularly their behaviour towards my daughter. I'm not sure if you're aware, but mocking disabled people is actually classified as a hate crime, and I would have been well within my rights to contact the police."

OP posts:
TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 03/09/2012 10:17

Oooooh I love it!

squoosh · 03/09/2012 10:24

Well done! They'll think they've palmed you off with the first email. Not so.

Yamyoid · 03/09/2012 10:33

Maybe the kids are from quite disadvantaged backgrounds and the band provides opportunities for them and gets them away from hanging on street corners or playing video games. Participating in a contest must be good for self esteem and teaches them about team work etc.

I'm in no way excusing their behaviour; I'd be mortified if it happened to me, and would also feel intimidated. However, if you pursue your complaint further, the repercussions could have a negative effect on kids who benefit from positive intervention i.e. no more marching band. As long as they are made aware that their behaviour was unacceptable, and made to consider why it was wrong, then I feel that should be the end of it.

squoosh · 03/09/2012 10:37

I disagree with Yamyoid, socio economic status has nothing to do with this.

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 03/09/2012 10:38

I think they'd have been better off hanging around on a street corner or playing video games than taunting a physically disabled six year old. If they are learning about self esteem and team work it is evidently not sinking in. By not pursuing the complaint arguably the only thing these kids will learn from that incident is that they are free to bully and intimidate people smaller or weaker than themselves without repurcussion.

Yamyoid · 03/09/2012 10:43

I'm not saying they shouldn't be punished. I'm going with the big presumption that the officials will reprimand them. Perhaps the follow on email should ask HOW the children will be punished, as reassurance that action has been taken.

In response to the initial question YANBU to send the first email.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 03/09/2012 10:55

And maybe they are from solid working class or middle class backgrounds? I don't think it's relevant at all. And even if they are underprivileged surely they still need to understand what is acceptable, and that bad behaviour gets punished.

Original poster
WelshMaenad · 19/09/2012 17:29

Update!

I've had an email back from the band secretary which was unreservedly apologetic. She said they'd had a meeting with the children which resulted in lots of tears and confessions. The most obnoxious one has been suspended from all band activity for a month. The others involved have been given chores and stern warnings, they are also reviewing their provision of supervision at events.

They were also able to get the children to identify the other band whose name wasn't as prominent on the uniforms, they have passed my comments to this other band do they can deal with their members.

I felt a tiny bit bad for about five seconds then decided it was a good thing for them to face the consequences of being such obnoxious little shits cherubs before they fuck up spectacularly and end up with asbos or something.

There you go, as promised, I did come back!

OP posts:
PowerDresser · 19/09/2012 17:54

Please write them a satisfied acknowledgement and you hope to see their band again with a different outcome.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 19/09/2012 18:02

Thats a good outcome, well worth emailing them!

NatashaBee · 19/09/2012 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kalisi · 19/09/2012 18:43

Nice one! Well done for that getting brilliant responce. When I first read your post I was going to say that you were being unreasonable for not grabbing the little shits by the throat for touching your daughter but in hindsight your reaction worked pretty well!

SuperB0F · 19/09/2012 18:47

Good for you.