Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To respond to this utter twat?

66 replies

FermezLaBouche · 01/09/2012 09:47

So, having moved back to my old uni town, I was invited by an ex of about 7 years ago for a drink and a catch up last night. We dated for a month or two and it certainly wasn't serious. According to his FB page he's now engaged and got 2 kids so lots to talk about on his side anyway.

Within 10 minutes he:

  • told me he wasn't "properly" engaged and both the mums of his children are "psycho bitches"
  • Openly took pride in the fact he pays both the mums of his children £20/month maintenance.
  • Kept "joking" about one last time for old time's sake.
  • Said aggressively "Who do you keep looking at?" when I was looking round the room wanting to leave.

I felt really uncomfortable and made my excuses to go after an hour or so, and he insisted repeatedly he was going to walk me home. I had to get really pissed off and it was quite embarrassing as he kept trying to walk alongside me. When I got home I just wanted to cry. I've been skint all month due to the move and was looking forward for a look about town.

I've come down this morning to a delightful message in my FB inbox saying "Fucking whore." Just that.

Do I respond? I am so ANGRY!

OP posts:
tethersend · 01/09/2012 10:10

Don't respond, but do report.

HildaOgden · 01/09/2012 10:10

Thank your lucky stars that you didn't end up with him,what a bloody loser Angry.

Delete,block,ignore....and leave him to stew in his own toxins.What a creep!

Original poster
FermezLaBouche · 01/09/2012 10:11

Annoyingly its a small city so sods law says i will run into the knobber again. Ah well! And youre so right that i should be pleased i didnt bear any of his children! Thanks for the unanimous advice - im waitig for a different friend in town now for breakfast, will have a giggle about it thwn move on!

OP posts:
Peevish · 01/09/2012 10:12

The charmer is just pissed off because you wouldn't sleep with him - ironic, then, that he's calling you a 'whore'. I'm not surprised you're upset, but you did exactly the right thing to get out of the situation and refuse to let him walk you home, which would have been potentially quite dangerous, given how aggressive he sounds. Sex was clearly on his agenda, if not yours. You should be relieved and patting yourself on the back for extricating yourself from a potentially dangerous situation. Don't engage further and don't have anything at all to do with him.

Original poster
FermezLaBouche · 01/09/2012 10:16

Peevish- he definitely was trying to find out where i lived but i had no intention of lettig.him know. When i knew him before and lived in a similar location he would.often use my bed as a place to crash when drunk. Why why why did i find that ok!?

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 01/09/2012 10:20

I will probably get flamed here but why did you agree to meet an ex you know was engaged? Wasn't that telling you he was a nobber BEFORE you met up?

ArtexMonkey · 01/09/2012 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NamesKerry · 01/09/2012 10:25

I would block him after I'd tagged him in a status update about what a shit night I had with a would be cheating scum bag... I'd probably not do that but would be ever so tempted.

greenhill · 01/09/2012 10:26

Delete and block him on FB.

Thank yourself for a lucky escape from this misogynistic idiot, he is trouble. Remember that you do not have to answer your door to this chancer. Ask friends to ring you when they visit you/ are on the doorstep. If you aren't expecting anyone don't answer; if it is a delivery driver, there will be a card through the door and you can catch them before they're back in the van.

Original poster
FermezLaBouche · 01/09/2012 10:29

I had an idea someone would say i shouldnt have met him in the first place. I made the assumption that there was notjing sexual in meeting up (but was obviously wrong!)
I have.plenty of attached friends i socialise with, alone or with partners, it shouldnt be an issue.

OP posts:
JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 01/09/2012 10:29

He sounds unhinged and I'd keep a record of what's happened. I hope you have no further trouble from him and I think not responding is best.

MooseLooseAbootThisHoose · 01/09/2012 10:31

Fut I don't think it is that strange to meet up with ex's that are engaged/married/whatever. I am friends with most of my ex's and would/have gone for a drink with them if i was in their town. Doesn't make them nobbers, just means that we get on well.

Obviously this guy was a total nobber though.

pictish · 01/09/2012 10:32

Wow. NO response is the ONLY response.
Block him, delete him, and hope it's a very long time before you see him again.
Fuck sake!

FutTheShuckUp · 01/09/2012 10:33

I just don't think I'd go for a one to one meet with an ex who is in a serious relationship. Doesn't sit right somehow. As part of a group of friends then yes

wellwisher · 01/09/2012 10:33

Block him but don't delete the message, you may need it. And if I were you I'd send an FB message to his "fiancee" telling her exactly what you said in your OP.

Peevish · 01/09/2012 10:34

NO reason why you should have to defend meeting him in the first place, Fermez. I don't share the view of some Mumsnetters that socialising solo with a married or engaged person of the opposite sex is some kind of terrible faux pas.

In fact, I assumed from your OP that you possibly thought it made it perfectly OK to meet an ex precisely because he was publicly in a committed relationship, because you could be sure it wasn't a 'date', just a catch-up. Obviously, that was before you discovered he was a sexually-aggressive psychotic with fidelity issues.

FutTheShuckUp · 01/09/2012 10:36

Socialising with someone in a relationship is one thing but when you've got history with them is another.
But as I say, feel free to flame me!

missymoomoomee · 01/09/2012 10:37

Ooooh he sounds like an absolute catch, I bet you are kicking yourself that you didn't end up with the cheating if he got half a chance, lowlife, dicksplash. Delete and block, and go and meet some of your real friends and have a good old laugh at his expense.

solidgoldbrass · 01/09/2012 10:40

Well done for standing up for yourself and not letting him walk you home BTW. He sounds awful - very likely a rapist, as well (insisting on walking a woman home is common rapist behaviour).

Do report his abusive post to Facebook, and if you have any further crap off him it might even be worth involving the police. Men like him think that it's fine to abuse women, and they often get away with it because a lot of women 'don't want to make a fuss'.

tethersend · 01/09/2012 11:28

Did you get the passports, SGB?

MissSayuri · 01/09/2012 11:32

Oh I hope he didn't go home and take out his frustrations with you on his poor fiancee. What a dickhead.

makemineachardonnay · 01/09/2012 11:36

Definitely don't respond. I'd just delete the message, de-friend him if he's on your friends list and then block him so he can't contact you again.

trixie123 · 01/09/2012 12:15

won't flame you FUT but do disagree. One of my very best friends is an ex (albeit a brief relationship 20 years ago) and we meet up alone all the time for nights out. Neither of our partners are hugely sociable and enjoy time at home on their own. Its about trusting each other. OP, run for the hills!

solidgoldbrass · 01/09/2012 12:22

Tethers: Yupyup! Phew!!! Have finished packing now.

(Sorry, OP and everyone else; as you were...)

BrevilleTron · 01/09/2012 12:24

Well done for maintaining your dignity.
Generally with twats like this it's best not to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
If he has your number and starts to message you PM me and I will send you a very convincing fake 'network block' message. I used to work for Vodafone and know the lingo involved.
Only thing is once you send it you have to keep replying with it to any messages you receive as if you reply with anything else he will suss it's a fake.
Best of luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread