To want mum to have one more chance at living alone before putting her in a home?

[sandyballs]

She is 86, diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago but has been living alone with carers going in twice a day. Her short term memory has been bad, repeating herself within seconds and in the last few months her house has become dirty and also she hasn't been washing, also lost things like bank card, keys. I've helped out as much as possible. She was independent still, going to local shops and having lunch out every day.

Just over a week ago I had a phone call at midnight from one of mums neighbours. Mum had been going up and down the road in her nightie, hammering on doors looking for dad who died 20 years ago. She has been in hospital since then. Urine or blood infections were suspected which would explain the dramatic decline but tests were fine. The OT and a social worker have assessed mum and believe it is in her best interests to now go into a care home. My brother agrees but I can't get my head around the fact that mum will never go back to her little bungalow and will basically be locked up in a home, unable to potter down to the shops or get lunch out unless me or my brother take her. Completely taking away her independence. I think one more chance in her own home but brother is saying now is the time with the help of these people in hospital and says it will be harder to do it if she goes home and wanders again.

I just feel so sad about it all. She talks about going home but talks about the home she grew up in, not the bungalow she has spent the last 20 years in.

Rocky, am sorry but that's not correct

it might depend on where you live...

my mum is in sheltered housing, warden is there 8am-4pm, but 2 days out of 7 there is no warden at all, only safety net through the alarm in each room....and meals are definitely not provided

sheltered housing is good for older people who need a bit of help but can still live independently...not suitable for anyone with dementia or alzheimer's at all

Back for good - if that was at me , sorry. I'm not sure what phrase I should use, but she is in a home and very happy there. And there is no alternative and we had to arrange for her to go there. We took her for a look see after finding the home we felt best met her needs, and then sadly she was taken to the home by the social services because she had forgotten where she had been and what she had seen, we were verbally unable to convince her this was what she had agreed to, so no other phrase but we put her in a home. Sadly I might add. Not sure how you would want me to phrase it?

My friend's mum is in a council run home. She is well looked after, treated well, kindly and is happy. My friend and the rest of her family are happy too, knowing that she's safely looked after.

You just need to check places out, but the vast majority are good, if not great.

Some posters seem to be getting confused between the levels of care available.

It is difficult because the lines are blurred, sheltered housing is just that a community of homes with a warden checking up some of the time, people live independently however they can have district nurses in for nursing care (catheter, leg ulcer dressing etc. if they need nursing care, carers can come in, as they would to others at home and meals on wheels type services can be arranged.

Residential homes are similar often the residents may have their own galley type kitchen but also meals are provided. Care assitants can come in and help remind with meds etc but if nursing care is needed reassessment needs to happen.

Nursing homes provide full nursing care but even these are differing, some also provide residential care, some only to those under 65, or alternatively those over 65, and some provide care for the Elderly mentally infirm (EMI).

sandyballs I'm reelly sorry to hear you're in this difficult situation. IMHO if the care team have suggested a NH, to keep her safe that is what is in her best interests. Use the hospital social worker to find out as much as you can, they should be able to point you in the right direction with respect to funding, it is in their interests to help you as until they have a safe place to move her to, she is effectively blocking an acute bed.

Good luck in finding a suitable place.

Although I am not disagreeing with some of the fantastic advice that has been given there is another option for your mum. I don't know if she has been assessed for it but a lot of people with Alzheimer's/dementia live successfully in their own homes with the help of telecare. The local authority should be able to install various alarms such as smoke/ gas/ wandering client/ bed sensors/ fall detectors to enable her to live safely at home for as long as possible. Could her carers visit 4 x daily? Age uk also offer night sits if she is going through a bad patch. As with everything there are cost implications with this. To have the alarms(telecare) in my area costs £5.15 a week.