To give up trying for him

[TheQueenOfDiamonds]

As some of you know my partner left me.
He has pissed me off greatly.

I have tried to be nice, and all I am getting is accusations - I'm trying to stop him seeing DS (I am not), I should let him take him overnight (he's breastfed) I should make him wean now because apparently I said I was going to anyway (twisted words).

I have asked him to call in order to explain exactly what I am doing. He refuses yet continues to prattle on about what he thinks I'm doing.

Not only did it take him 4 days to even text asking how DS was (despite him being very ill), he hasn't bothered last night either.

I had to take DS to a+e as he had some strange marks appear. I told ex this, though he was out on the piss as he has been all week so I had to contact his friend to pass the message on.

He hasn't even bothered to ask how he is. He's fine, its something that's bitten him when I've had the window open/been in the garden.

I just can't understand why he hasn't even asked. I don't expect him to drop everything, but surely you'd text?

Aibu to just stop speaking to him, if he's that interested he can find out himself (IE if he asks me I'll tell him but not going out of my way to make contact). Everytime I try to speak to him he either starts an argument or like now ignores it.

I have papers to apply to court for a prohibited steps order as I found messages on the computer discussing taking DS. I'm thinking if he wants to see him he can apply himself though. Its not like he can get in my house and take him. Hed be arrested for breaking and entering, and as I carry DS a lot even if he turned up in the street, hed have to assault me to get him, which hed be arrested for so I don't think there's danger of that happening.

I do keep trying to see it from his perspective too but I just can't.

I am NRP to my daughter (she isn't his) and if her Dad text me saying she was ill I would be there like a shot, nothing would stop me. I've dropped everything to go and get her when he refused to bring her home (when she lived with me), I risked a criminal record ffs it was the worst 48 hours of my life so I genuinely don't understand how he is just jollying around with his mates not giving a fuck.

He sounds like a selfish dickwad. Just try to detatch - if you have a working email address for him try just using that to communicate. If you genuinely feel he might try to take DS then go to court and get residence legitimised. Then you have recourse if he refuses to return him after contact or something.

Did he at least collect his dog???

Nope, dog is still here. His Mum told me to take it to kennels lol. Selfish bitch. I'm glad he's gone back to mummys because its far enough away that I don't go and break some legs. (Not literally of course, they just piss me off so much).

My neighbour is disgusted at he and his families attitudes towards me and DS and my daughter and how they seem to be encouraging his ridiculous behaviour, and has been helping me with him and walking him for me and popping round to feed him so I'm not battling with dogs and DS.

The most annoying thing about his mum is she's only letting him stay because its a novelty. She's never wanted him there before, they don't get on, she refused to have him back when he and his ex split up and told him to go sort it out with her (even though she hates his ex!) Yet because its me and she didn't like us not living round the corner she's all over it. She fucking winds me up!

I'd go stick the dog in his garden and close the gate.
Stop trying so hard he doesn't care. Just go with the visitation the court orders and leave it at that. Don't give all kinds of messages and info in between visits as it's all irrelevant to him. Do everything through email so you can keep a record of contact. You can't make him want to care or be involved.

Yanbu as long as you leave the communication lines open to him. Though personally I'd still let him know ds is ill if he gets sick again, just to keep yourself looking squeaky clean. Just don't expect anything and don't push. He can make up all the lies he wants, your ds will get proof of the truth from you. Good luck.

Oh, and if it weren't so cruel soundingid say take the dog and leave it t the mothers house.

His mums is 100 miles away from where I live lol.

I'm just so angry that they condone this. My mum would be mortified if I behaved like this.

I've got both the kids and I'm having to give my horse up tomorrow too, whic I'm struggling to get the money together for transport for. Poor things been out all week as I've just not been able to do anything with DS with me.

Hoping someone takes an interest in my travel system, I had been planning on selling it anyway bit really need to now.

If you a losing your Horse then drop off his dog to the RSPCA or whoever takes them, you can't even walk it so it needs to be re homed. It'll be one less thing to look after.

I can't just leave him in one of those places. I'd never be able to live with myself. I have help walking him which is the main thing because he is only a problem when he hasn't been walked. I will manage there.

What gets me is he says he has no money to see DS or sort his shit outm Yet he's been out on the piss two nights this week that i know of. Funny how that works.

Have you thought about dog fostering? I understand you care about the dog, but it really is something you don't need on your plate right now. It's also another mouth to feed.

You need to stop caring about him. Really. Every post you make shows that you still really care what he thinks -- ask yourself why? Do you need his validation? Do you need his mum to like you or even think nicely of you?

The answer is NO. Cut yourself free from these people emotionally, it will do you a world of good (easier said than done, I know). People can only make you feel angry and sad and bad if you let them. Don't let them!

Remain cool, professional and business-like with him otherwise. Let the courts deal with him. Your DS and DD need your full attention and love and care and energy for the, don't waste if on those two idiots (ex-P and his mum).

By all means vent on here though! But promise yourself you will rise above it and not let yourself be held emotionally ransom over this. He's a dick, with or without you -- let him be one. Don't try to understand him or make excuses for him. It's not worth your time.

If that's your son's name then I'd get that post deleted.

Sorry to hear how hard things are for you at the mo.

hi QOD, we have withdrawn your post
If you'd like we can move this to relationships too.

Remember that this man is a wanker, minimize your contact with him to email only, and do not answer any emails which are abusive or about anything other than finance/contact. If he makes threats, save them; if he kicks off in any way, call the police. Deal with him as you would deal with a troublesome naughty animal, and don't engage.