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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uncomfortable about a strange man tickling my daughters?

44 replies

dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 12:54

Not sure if I am - but this incident creeped me out a little bit. dh was outside cleaning out his car before he goes away with work. I arrived home and pulled into the drive and as we were leaving the car, this man passing by starting talking to dh about golf (dh had taken his golf clubs out of the boot).

As I took dd1 aqnd dd2 out of the car, the man came over and started tickling them. dd2 was obviously uncomfortable and wriggled away. I tried to usher the girls inside, but he caught hold of dd1 (who was giggling) and held her really tightly to him whilst tickling her. Dh was getting a bit uncomfortable too, so he said more insistently that she should go inside. I got her arm and pulled her away (without making it obvious that I was uncomfortable).

No harm was done and I didn't want to offend what might have been just a friendly old man, but I felt a bit uncomfortable.

Should I just try to chill out a bit, or was I right to be a bit creeped out?

OP posts:
Natnat29 · 31/08/2012 12:57

Yanbu that would freak me out too

MyNeighbourIsStrange · 31/08/2012 12:58

I wouldn't like him finding reason to hold a child tight and close.

WelshMaenad · 31/08/2012 12:59

Um, no, YANBU, that's inappropriate, especially if your dds were clearly uncomfortable with it too.

I've never been all PFB about people chucking my baby's cheek etc, but that just crosses a line!

Lilka · 31/08/2012 12:59

Um, YADNBU Shock

I would not be happy if some stranger tried to tickle my children. You don't just touch other people's children!!

What a creep

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 12:59

No, I felt a bit annoyed with myself that I hadn't stopped him getting hold of her, but it's tricky to know what to do sometimes. dd1 was fine, but it didn't feel right.

OP posts:
TeapotsInJune · 31/08/2012 13:00

That is really, really weird behaviour. Tickling is quite intimate isn't it?? I don't mean sexually but just something you wouldn't do with someone you didn't know. Gross. I'd probably have said "get off her!"

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 13:01

Yes, I feel a bit sickened. I keep going over it and thinking that I should have done something differently. If I hadn't got hold of her I think he would have carried on tickling her.

OP posts:
EllenParsons · 31/08/2012 13:02

YANBU

It is completely inappropriate and horrible. Lots of people hate being tickled - I know I really hate it - so it is not an okay thing to do to some random children. I would have been quite shocked tbh.

lurkedtoolong · 31/08/2012 13:03

I like to tickle babies' feet and tickle my brownies something rotten. It never involves holding them tight and not sure why it would. YANBU at all.

RevDebeezWoodall · 31/08/2012 13:04

I think you are NBU and you and your husband reacted very calmly to what sounds like a very creepy situation. Personally at the point where he held her tightly I would have struggled to keep calm and get her away in a way that wouldn't frighten her. So firstly well done you.

In regards to the "just a friendly old man", he is still well out of line. What if you or DH had panicked and used force to get your daughter away? He shouldn't do this for his own safety if the action was well meant.

Did you see where the man came from or went? Have you seen him before?

I personally (and this may be a lioness-with-cub over reaction I admit) warn your children about strange men and women, and what to do if someone approaches or grabs. My son will talk to anyone and we had to nip in this in the bud really early. We did some self defense with him. Teaching him to shout loudly "NO. I AM NOT HAPPY. LEAVE ME ALONE!" and telling him if someone didn't let go at this point it was ok to bite kick and scream. (Sounds awful but we had a convicted pedophile up the road who was assessed to no longer pose a threat as he was in his 70's but he would still approach young boys to talk and try to hold their hands. We informed police BTW).

NameChangeGalore · 31/08/2012 13:04

Weird. Does he live locally? Have you seen him around before?

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 13:04

I feel a bit like I let my children down :( You like to think you would be more assertive in a situation like that - but I was just taken aback.

OP posts:
FermezLaBouche · 31/08/2012 13:05

How horrid!
Aside of the fact it's not appropriate to go round grabbing other people's kids, many people HATE being touched/tickled. It's an intimate act, certainly not for random strangers to be doing. I have the misfortune of knowing an older man who does this to grown women, it makes me vomit to watch. He doesn't do it to me any more after I got drunk and called him a pervert, but I see other women playing along gamely while looking very uncomfortable indeed.
YANBU

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 13:05

No, I think he must live locally, as he was just passing by our street, but neither dh nor I have ever seen him before. We were both uncomfortable.

OP posts:
lurkedtoolong · 31/08/2012 13:07

Please don't think you let your children down. You were there, your DH was there - while you are still worrying about it, chances are your DDs have forgotten it. They will have felt totally safe as you were both there - it may have upset them more if there had been a big scene, I think you handled it well.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 13:07

Thanks Rev - I will teach my children to say that. ds was in the car too, but he didn't approach ds at all.

OP posts:
RevDebeezWoodall · 31/08/2012 13:08

You haven't let them down. No harm was done. Imagine if you'd over reacted and frightened them both. Imagine if you'd frightened the man and he'd turned nasty. You reacted calmly, your child is safe, you did well!

Plus who expects to come across this situation when outside their own house, it's not like you could have been mentally prepared!

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 13:08

Thanks lurked, I think you're right. Both girls are unharmed and not at all worried. It just made me shudder a little bit.

OP posts:
TeapotsInJune · 31/08/2012 13:09

dont you didn't let them down at all, I think you dealt really well with it x

FermezLaBouche · 31/08/2012 13:09

Oh don't feel like that! :( It's so bloody hard to know what to do sometimes, and I honestly believe we English are programmed with a "politeness" gene where we almost are too worried about creating a scene.

RedHelenB · 31/08/2012 13:10

If your kids are fine don't beat yourself up. At another point, go through with them that they can say to someone stop it if they touch them in any way they don't like & that you will support them in this.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 15:40

Thanks all. It is hard to know what to do when you're not mentally prepared for something.

OP posts:
severinofinn34 · 31/08/2012 15:47

Obviously a massive perv. When I was younger, we had a paedo living up the road who used to stand cleaning his windows completely bollock naked with a massive hard on at 8am whilst all use kids were walking to school.

He'd stroke your hair if he saw you on the street. One day I was playing outside my house when he walked past and stopped to talk to me and a friend. He went to stroke my hair and I spun round and cracked him right in the dick with a left hook. My mum and dad both saw it and came out to congratulate me tell him to fuck off.

Just an aside...

NotAnAxeMurderer · 31/08/2012 15:58

Well, not necessarily a 'massive perv', that's unfair. Perhaps someone with boundary problems.

Man, woman, child - I would feel uncomfortable with anyone I didn't know doing that to my DCs.

facejacker · 31/08/2012 16:00

YANBU

It always astounds me how strange people think it's ok to touch other people's children just cos they're small. How would they feel if they were accosted 'tickled' by a perfect stranger in public?

(this is even assuming their intentions are innocent)..