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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uncomfortable about a strange man tickling my daughters?

44 replies

dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 12:54

Not sure if I am - but this incident creeped me out a little bit. dh was outside cleaning out his car before he goes away with work. I arrived home and pulled into the drive and as we were leaving the car, this man passing by starting talking to dh about golf (dh had taken his golf clubs out of the boot).

As I took dd1 aqnd dd2 out of the car, the man came over and started tickling them. dd2 was obviously uncomfortable and wriggled away. I tried to usher the girls inside, but he caught hold of dd1 (who was giggling) and held her really tightly to him whilst tickling her. Dh was getting a bit uncomfortable too, so he said more insistently that she should go inside. I got her arm and pulled her away (without making it obvious that I was uncomfortable).

No harm was done and I didn't want to offend what might have been just a friendly old man, but I felt a bit uncomfortable.

Should I just try to chill out a bit, or was I right to be a bit creeped out?

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 31/08/2012 16:02

Yanbu, especially as I thought you said, "licking", not "tickling" :)

NellyJob · 31/08/2012 16:04

perve alert!
you reacted in the best way, don't beat yourself up.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 16:21

Itsallgoingtobefine - bleurgh - that would have been much worse!

OP posts:
Dogsmom · 31/08/2012 17:00

I don't think he was necessarily a perv, it's a sad world where we automatically think a man is a paedo if he touches a child, we wouldn't assume the same of a woman.

My Dad adores kids and if he sees a baby will chat to it and maybe tickle their feet while pulling stupid faces, he'd be gutted if people thought he was a pervert.

Maybe it's a generational thing.

TeapotsInJune · 31/08/2012 17:03

Tickling is very intimate, though, I was thinking 'perv' I'm afraid!

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 17:09

It's a bit different tickling a baby's feet to grabbing a six year old around the middle and holding her tightly to you whilst you tickle her though. I'd have absolutely no problem whatsoever with someone tickling my baby's feet (not that I have a baby, but you see what I mean).

I hope it was innocent, I just felt that it was a bit odd. Maybe he was a bit socially inept and unaware of boundaries. I hope so.

OP posts:
Sossiges · 31/08/2012 17:12

No, he was a perv. Lots of (English) people use "socially inept" as an excuse for inappropriate behaviour.

firawla · 31/08/2012 17:12

yanbu
i dont think you have to care if you offend him, he is totally in the wrong so even if you told him firmly to eff off - you wouldnt have been in the wrong

Sossiges · 31/08/2012 17:13

You did just the right thing in getting your children away, don't worry.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 17:14

dh said he felt like smacking him, but on the outside we must have appeared very calm. It was only a moment, but I hate the thought of it.

OP posts:
Sossiges · 31/08/2012 17:22

Best not to smack him because of police etc. but very tempting

squishysquashy · 31/08/2012 17:27

Would you consider phoning 101 and logging it with the police? Just in case this person does happen to be on the register it would be a heads up that he is approaching children.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 17:28

That's a good idea. No, dh would never do anything like that, especially not in front of the children - unless the situation had escalated. And he could have been mentally ill or something?

OP posts:
Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 17:30

Would they take it seriously though? It might sound like we're being a bit paranoid. There was nothing massively identifiable about him either, he was just an old man with white hair. Not going to be helpful in tracking down who he is, is it?

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 31/08/2012 17:37

Grabbing a young kid, holding her tight and tickling is something you'd only do with a child you know very, very well. This chap was a total stranger, you say, so I think the police might be more interested than you think. They may know if someone with a past is on their patch and be grateful for the information.

squishysquashy · 31/08/2012 17:37

I imagine they'll just take details and log it BUT if they have had other reports similar or there is someone on the register in the local area fitting his description then they would want to know.

SundaysGirl · 31/08/2012 17:38

I think its odd that some people do not stop to think that a child has the same stranger personal boundaries as a grown adult. We as adults would not expect someone we had only just clapped eyes on to grab us and begin tickling, so why should we EVER expect children to feel comfortable with the same? YANBU at ALL.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 31/08/2012 17:39

It's worth letting them know, I guess.

OP posts:
lovebunny · 31/08/2012 17:44

he had no right to touch your children.
talk to your community police officer - the man might be known, or ought to be.
'no, don't touch!' should be fairly clear, if he turns up again.

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