To think the Hoover should just FUCKING DIE ALREADY?!

[HullyGullyPuppy]

Yesterday I realised that the hoover is in fact my nemisis, not as I had previously suspected, next doors washing line.

I have repeatedly try to kill it for the safety of my Hound Slave and her minions.

Instead she keeps freaking.the.fuck.out when I grab the hose in my awesome patented death grip of death.

She took smallest minion upstairs to do something, that frankly should be done outside in the garden, disgusting creatures. So whilst the hoover was silent and assuming I beat the crap out of it.

Then SHE came back downstairs and went right on one. About why the hoover was covered in blood. Mine unfortunately, I'm teething, the hoover is still alive....for now.

Do I get any thanks? No.

Do I get given some stupid Antler thing to chew whilst she tries to heal the bloody hoover with something called duct tape? Yes. That's not gratitude.

AIBU to think she needs to get a grip and let me get on with keeping the homestead safe from potential threats?

unassuming.
Don't send me to pedants corner, I'm a dog ffs.

Have you tried rolling in a dead week-old fish? I did that last week and THEY made more fuss of me than they have since IT was born. Then I had to have a baff, which made me fart all evening.

You're barking....

No. Don't have access to any nice doggy odours. The evil cow keeps spraying me with something called flea repellent though

Leave the bastard

They obviously do not understand you and do not appreciate you. I recommend piddling somewhere, like the bedroom floor during the middle of the night, right next to where she needs to stand, to display your disatisfaction with the situation. It's what your namesake Hully would do in the circumstances.

Yes my namesake is fabulous. I believe she is the mighty wielder of the stick of all sticks. The awesome love baton.

Month-old dead seal is far more pungent than week-old dead fish - as ddog2 proved when she found one on the beach at Ardrossan.

HullyGullyPuppy - don't worry about the hoover - just keep on shedding fur as fast as you can, and eventually it will die of overwork!

Now look here young namesakelet, what you need to do is bite them all into submission. Bite with love and care and concern and they will all understand and learn the Way of Righteousness.

She is having lunch. I have just farted under the table and then scarpered

"I have just farted under the table and then scarpered "

Wow, seriously. It is like you're the same person/dog.

Have you had Hully over for dinner then? Could I learn much?

No, I just know Hully

[wink wink]

[nudge nudge]

I've never actually met her I'm just slandering her all over the internet

Try weeing / pooing / chewing their pillows. The reactions will be epic, far more entertaining than biting the Hoover.

oooooooh that sounds way more entertaining than shredding the kitchen roll

My dear departed pup would give the following advice - wait until they are holding a tasty morsel in their silly fingery paws, bark at some non existent shadow in the corner to cause a distraction, then hastily and stealthily remove said tasty morsel from said sill fingery paws, and swallow.

Extra points for duchy originals.

If they eat rich tea fingers, why in the name of cat are you living with the bastards in the first place??

You have it all wrong whilst the minion is busy with the evil Hoover it is your chance to run upstairs and sleep on human bed with your legs in the air. If you are really lucky they will not notice your are missing and you'll get a couple of hours decent kip.

She has this forcefield known as the stair gate to keep me off the minion beds.

I can actually jump these but she invokes the power of NO! when I pounce and my legs mysteriously buckle from under me

I am sorry for your loss though , clearly you owned one of dogkinds great ones

Then the only answer is to swallow your pride and get on the sofa with the cats. Yes it is possible for a two seat sofa to accommodate three cats and a cockerpoo, only if the cockerpoo makes himself very small I have it down to a fine art,

Oh, make sure you lick their pillows... The female will start moaning at the male that he hasn't washed his hair properly, will buy him the strongest smelling "man shampoo" and nag him every bedtime
She will also wash his pillows every week in an over dramatic attempt to reinforce the fact that his hair smells.
You can keep this one going until your very last day

From the Dogshaming site, my best advice would be to acquire a full plastic drink bottle - preferably something like coke - and take it upstairs to chew on the bed.

Works with the sofa too - same anger emits from female about the smell of the sofa.
She will INSIST its not you and the male is smelly.
Doggy shifty kept this up until her last, bless her

Yes, I have discovered that I do not need physical strength to get a sofa to my self, I simply need to release.

yep, just relax that sphincter