To think the Hoover should just FUCKING DIE ALREADY?!

[HullyGullyPuppy]

Yesterday I realised that the hoover is in fact my nemisis, not as I had previously suspected, next doors washing line.

I have repeatedly try to kill it for the safety of my Hound Slave and her minions.

Instead she keeps freaking.the.fuck.out when I grab the hose in my awesome patented death grip of death.

She took smallest minion upstairs to do something, that frankly should be done outside in the garden, disgusting creatures. So whilst the hoover was silent and assuming I beat the crap out of it.

Then SHE came back downstairs and went right on one. About why the hoover was covered in blood. Mine unfortunately, I'm teething, the hoover is still alive....for now.

Do I get any thanks? No.

Do I get given some stupid Antler thing to chew whilst she tries to heal the bloody hoover with something called duct tape? Yes. That's not gratitude.

AIBU to think she needs to get a grip and let me get on with keeping the homestead safe from potential threats?

I miss my dog terribly
I miss her taking the flack for my fragrant releases of anal gases
Now I have to admit the stench came from my own arse

Hound slave lost my predecessor in May, Sometimes she still gets very sad and she tells me I have a lot to live up to.

I hope she means that I to have to chew through the kitchen wall like my preprocessor did, or growl at the man minion on Christmas eve when he tries to get near the presents under the tree .... I reckon I can do that

I recon you can

In the spring, especially if they are budding gardeners, you can pull up the freshly planted plants.

This is very frustrating for humans as they spend money on plants and compost and can cry why you've brought in / ripped out all of them.

See how many you can deposit on the carpet before they notice

She's still cussing 'cos I ate the tomato plants.

I have my eye on the strawberries.....

Don't eat tomatoes! They're bad for you. I'm not sure about the plants.

Go for the strawberries though.

They didn't have any tomatoes on yet , i shredded them nicely across the garden whilst the hound slave debated calling the vet till she found the evidence.

I checked. Tomatoes aren't so bad, it's the plants that are toxic. So no plants.

I wonder, have you considered joining forces with this fellow? He has some interesting ideas for putting those idiot humans in their proper place.

textfromdog.tumblr.com/

Yes, don't actually eat them, just dig up / shred and bring them in the house.
It's very silly of owners to leave "prized plants" in the garden

Yes - the idiot though a fence would stop me. She is no match for stealth dog.

they weren't prized just the minions from school. Hound slave is not a gardener.

LeMarchand I did that with the pizza

I was not popular.

Was it a nice Pizza? Not one of those little ones from a supermarket?

Glad the hound slave isn't a gardener although it does mean you're missing out on see lots of frustration and anger

She had made it from scratch. Actual effort had gone in.

Yeah. It's not worth stealing Lemons either. I gave that straight back.

Hey, I just had a look at the Doghouse

I thought like it would be a section for dogs. It's not you know, it's a place where hound slaves plot to control us! ! !

I am seriously considering curbing the hound slaves time on Mumsnet? This is disgusting

Does dogsnet not exist? I'd love that

There should be a Dogsnet!!

There is a Dadsnet and a Gransnet! We are being persecuted

You guys are crackers. It took me about 6-8 posts before I realised we're in the company of a dog.

Yes, you could say we're a bit barking....

I'm howling with laughter at it