To be shocked at what I found at mums care home today?

[Downnotout]

Mum has Alzheimers. Her DP died suddenly a couple of months ago and me and DSIS had to put mum into full time care.

We looked around a number of places close to us- mum lived 200 miles away and thought we had found the right place.

Mum has, for the last couple of years, had to be "coerced" to get out of bed. There is no physical reason to stay in bed but I think she feels safe there. She also has history of refusing to eat. This has continued, on and off, at the care home. They normally manage to get her up at some point. My sis or myself go most days and she always gets up when we arrive. I take her out for the day and she always eats her meals then.

Now usually, one of the carers will come and find me if they have concerns about mum not eating, because she will eat for me. She has been much better for the last couple of weeks, getting up and going to the dining room for her meals. Today when I arrived at 3pm mum was still in bed. It was clear she had not got up at all. Her breakfast, a slice of toast, was still at the side of her bed untouched. Along with a stone cold cup of tea. I know if anyone had been in to offer lunch or a fresh cup of tea the toast would have gone and there would have been some covered sandwiches if she hadn't got up for lunch.

I went into her bathroom. Oh God there was poo splattered everywhere. All over the seat, the floor, I tried and couldn't flush away what was in the bowl, so much stuff it had blocked! Her dirty underwear was in the sink with a dirty flannel that she had used to try and clean herself with. In the bedroom were her trousers from yesterday, also covered in dried poo.

I got mum up and dressed and sat her in the day room and went to find a carer. She, the carer, had just come on duty, she couldn't tell me if mum had eaten anything, I told her about mums accident and she got it all cleaned up. Then she found there were no sheets on mums bed. She apologised. DD then needed the loo and went into mums bathroom. When she flushed everything came back up. I can only think that mum had had dreadful diahorrea.

But it was clearly yesterday. And no one noticed. Anything. Til I reported it at 3.30 today. Tell me that's not right.

I left that home because I couldn't work somewhere where the management weren't giving people opportunity to get the best care possible.

I once had to practically beg for cups because we didn't have enough for each resident and the home didn't want to pay for anymore on the basis of 'this place doesn't make enough money anyway'

I'm sorry you're effectively dealing with this by yourself. She now needs to go into a specialist dementia home - I bet you anything that new one will have filled up a bit now.

Well the Alzheimer's Society have been absolutely brilliant. They are coming with me to a meeting with the care home manager tomorrow. I still think that the staff at the home have been good, up until now, but something went badly wrong yesterday and I need to know now what they will do to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

I called in to see mum after I met with the Alzheimer's people and she was up and about but there was no loo roll in her bathroom, the inner roll had gone so it hadnt just been used, and mum didn't have any juice in her room. I got her a cup of tea and a jug of juice and she drank the tea, then 2 cups of juice- so she was thirsty.

No one said anything to me about yesterday so it will be interesting to see if the manager even knows and we are going to ask to see mums notes too, so we will know if the records are being kept properly or just box ticking.

Ghostship I do understand, and I do sympathise. The staff, in general, seem lovely and caring. But if mum had been checked every hour, or even every two hours, properly, someone would have noticed. That obviously didn't happen and is a very basic failing. I realise that now.

Well done you. Good job

Well done you. Good job setting up a meeting so quickly, with professionals who will help ask all the right questions

She has really been let down, it's a such a shame. I hope you get things sorted soon, and your mother can be happy. It's awful. It really is.

If there are less people in the specialist home she will get more attention, hopefully.

Hi, I've nothing to add but my support. I hope the meeting goes well and that your mum from now on gets the best care available.

Its heartbreaking to think your mother has been so let down OP, hopefully you will get some answers and find somewhere better for you mum to live and be cared for well.

My Grandmother suffered a similar fate when left in the hands of the supposedly 'best' care home in the area, she was frequently left wet/soiled, not fed adequately and often because of her dementia would 'wander' of a night so they took to sedating her. She was blind due to wet macular degeneration too!!

I got a call from the home after they couldn't reach my aunt saying that my gran had been admitted to hospital and was unlikely to last the night as she was gravely ill. I hot footed it to hospital 40 minutes away to find that my gran was not dying, she had been over medicated with whatever sedatives they had given her and the drugs had caused her liver to go into overdrive causing severe itching all over her body - so I spent the night scratching her arse for her.

We moved her the following week to a smaller care home where she lived out her days at 91 yrs old without fear of being drugged or left stinking ..poor old girl!

I see you are in an impossible place....all I can say is go in there and kick up a HUGE stink...the bastards. Press...threaten them...God I think the food thing is as bad as the poo. She needs drinks! Not one cold cup of tea!

I hope you find a better place for your Mum very quickly.

I would definitely report the Care Home to all the relevant agencies they are guilty of gross neglect and deserve to brought to book.

I worked in the social care field for many years, mainly with young people suffering a wide range of physical and emotional conditions and if one of them were ever found to be in a slightly unkempt, distressed etc condition action was taken against the staff responsible for their well-being during that shift. If the conditions you have described had arisen then the members of staff responsible would have been suspended straight away.

I find it very difficult that the carer you spoke to was not aware of your Mum's situation as she had just come on shift as it is normal practice to have a verbal handover from the departing shift to make them aware of all service users needs etc, especially those who have exhibited an unwillingness to partake in routine tasks.

They may have been short staffed that day but that is no excuse tbh there are agencies that they can use to make staff numbers up to an acceptable, workable level.

I hope you manage to find a place for your Mum where the emphasis is on care and well-being.

Hi Downotout, So glad you are going to see the Manager tomorrow, and I agree how helpful the Altzheimers Society is, my Dmum also suffers from this dreadful disease, it breaks my heart to see her now, knowing the vibrant, intelligent lady she once was. My mum is not in a home yet, but in a specially adapted flat and has carers 4x a day, I had real problems with one lot of agency carers organised by Social Services's, and have now organised self funding and another, smaller but more reliable agency to give her care, so I know the problems of neglect that can occur, I am also a RN, and have worked in and seen first hand how poorly some residents like both our mums can be treated, because they have no voice to speak out for themselves, and rely on relatives to speak for them. Do not let the Manager sweet talk you, what happened was wrong and they should not be allowed to get away with it!
By the way, one of my Dbro's is also in complete denial about his mums condition, just like yours, it mus be a mum/son thing, or else theyare in denial so they dont have to take responsibility!

Hope the meeting went well & you got some answers Downnotout.

The meeting was very positive. A full investigation has been launched and I have been assured that heads will roll. The manager was furious and nearly in tears and every member of staff who was on duty will be interviewed and every record checked. New procedures have been put in place for mum and I feel confident that they will be carried out.

The Alz Soc advocate who accompanied me went in and had a look round unannounced and she was very impressed with what she saw. She is going to continue making visits and has offered to go in and do training as mum has Azheimers and depression and feels the two conditions need treating as two separate conditions.

However, it was a massive failing, on behalf of more than one staff member and amounts to neglect. No number of apologies will make up for what happened and if I see one sign of anything similar occurring social services and the CQC will be called in and I will move mum. As it is, she is settled and content and moving her would be incredibly disruptive and confusing. No more chances though and I will be extra vigilant.

I don't knowmmuch about these situations but perhaps you should wait with moving her and give it one more chance? If something else happens I would move her straight away.

Great outcome. Your mum is lucky she has you but you have to wonder if it was someone with no visitors, what would have happened?

I'm so pleased that your meeting had a good outcome, and you are absolutely right to wait and monitor the situation -- I know it would be a hugely difficult job to move her (had to do that with my DM) and if the home takes take the lessons on board and improves, then hopefully it will not be necessary.

Well done you

Get her out of that nursing home asap and report it to some governing body (there must be one!) That is just dreadful and there is no plausible reason for it. How upsetting for you all.

Just read...good for you!

Well done OP. All best wishes to your DM.

I agree that moving her would be disruptive and hopefully not necessary at the moment. I am so glad the meeting was positive.

A nice positive conclusion to your meeting well done you

Great positive outcome for you all, the home will certainly never let it happen to anyone else and extra training to be put in place as well. Couldn't be better, but I also wonder what would have happened if there had not been relatives visiting.