I'm going to try and be detailed without giving away too much detail which may be tricky so bear with me please, its not a black and white AIBU but I feel quite lost and fragile.
My parents are separated, we were a non-religious white family, my DF then after meeting some people converted to Islam which in itself isn't horrendous. but I was a teen at the time this was just after 9/11 which made it horrendous, I grew up in a pit village and was terrified for my safety in-case anyone found out.
.The worst thing is that he constantly shoves his religious opinions down peoples throats and sermons people does not or chooses not to pick up on how uncomfortable he makes people.
.He uses this as an excuse to not acknowledge birthdays etc my birthday hasn't been acknowledged for over 10 years.but gets annoyed if he is excluded for events , and picks and chooses I.e he will come to the party/meal but no card.
.my ds birthday's have never been acknowledged and last year he 'Accidentally' forgot his birthday was on that day and booked a trip away for that day , no happy birthday nothing.
.He asks how I'm doing but makes it very clear hes not interested and is talks endlessly about religion. If you don't appear interested he can become quite unpleasant. he sees his duty to spread the message.
.He really smells he lives by himself and I think struggles to look after himself , and often looks scruffy. As awful as it sounds its embarrassing in social situations.He never smelt this bad as I was growing up.
.Will visit for like about 6 hours at a time which is quite draining for me and expect tea regularly.
. He's very into conspiracies and very paranoid.
.He can be very arsy with my mum I have now made a personal 'no socializing with them both' rule.my mother is no angel she gets ratty but he goads her and doesn't
care where we are.
The reason I am posting here now is because I am getting married and have my own place he comes to visit.
He went out with my OH and when he was here and my BIL came here he literally hounded the bloke for hours and hours I rescued him in the end as I tried to make change the subject a lot but it didn't work.
. I am scared people will avoid us because of his behaviour, if my life was destroyed by a choice he made I would find it difficult to forgive.
. He has experienced some exclusion from other people so I feel bad but at the same time he brings it on himself.
.I will spend my entire wedding being stressed at to whether or not he is going to be really anti social or embarrass me , so instead of the biggest day of my life I will be a nervous wreck.
. I suffer from anxiety which obviously was exasperated by my unusual circumstances.
AIBU to ask him to tone it down a bit? and how would I go about it.??