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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about my husbands friends staying over -long sorry

33 replies

catfart · 28/08/2012 08:31

Ok, here goes.

I'm 6 months pregnant and we have a lovely 23 month DS and moved to the country last Christmas in a place that needs lots of work on it, part of it is holiday lets, one let is up and running so we manage that together and the main part is needing updating. I'm shattered right now, waking 4-5 times going to the loo a night, either that or it's the pregnancy insomnia and cramps. I always put our DS to bed as DH is doing jobs on house or working for his day job. Plus I do 90% of the cooking getting things batch freezes as I worry about the winter here as people often get cut off when it snows. we're both busy and up until a couple of weeks ago had no 'us' time. I've had to really push to get us out on family days which he now is fully behind but put on hold because he was cutting wood for fuel every spare minute.

I also run my own businesses from home with a new venture taking off next month, so a lot on both our plates. I long for us both to have a break together.

Because so much responsibility for the maintenance work has rested on his shoulders I suggested weeks ago we advertise and get some people in to stay in the holiday let we are doing up rent free in return for 14 hours work a week to help him out. It's worked out and we have 2 great guys coming, one of which is a qualified electrician, this will take.the pressure off DH. They arrive tomorrow.

My husband takes 2 weeks off work, last week and this one, last week he was working on the house sorting out a damp problem that emerged during the winter that was horrendous. this week, when I hoped we'd finally have time together, he invited old friends over and I just don't feel up to it. They are here, the house is full, I'm making tea and washing up after everyone, having to think about meals (we are miles from supermarket etc, need to work everything out)....last night when I went to the loo discovered Twice that the loo seat was peed over :(. They are nice people don't get me wrong but it just feels too much, I wanted a rest. DH said he'd look after them, he did cook last night but all the washing up and now this morning is starting to come to me, so I've just come upstairs.

This is a rant, I am just feeling incredibly pissed off this morning and want to cry, I wanted family time and feel like the only opportunity whilst he's on holiday and has a free week....he's arranged this and it's hijacked.

So AIBU? He works damn hard on the property getting it ready for this winter so we'll be comfortable, he works hard on the holiday let.....I want to be in a better mood but can't snap out of this right now. in a few months we'll have a newborn....no time again. give me a stern talking to so I pull my pants up.

OP posts:
natwebb79 · 28/08/2012 08:38

YANBU! What was he bloody thinking?? Sad

WildWorld2004 · 28/08/2012 08:44

YANBU you need to give him a good stern talking to.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 28/08/2012 08:46

YANBU Sad I don't think that you DH realises how tired you are.

Bossybritches22 · 28/08/2012 08:47

YANBU if you can't get the friends to piss off then at least down tools + get your DH + them to run around after you!

Why on earth are you launching a new business NOW to add to your stress?!
Grin

expatinscotland · 28/08/2012 08:51

YANBU! Why, why, why are you doing all the work wrt meals, washing up, cleaning, etc.? Bollocks!

OhTheConfusion · 28/08/2012 08:53

Your pregnant, therefore YANBU :)

Did your DH mention inviting friends in advance? Everyone needs family time, especially when you are all under such pressure.

Paiviaso · 28/08/2012 08:54

YABU. I know you are both really busy, but does this mean he should make no time for his friends? Your DH had a week of holiday before they arrived, so its not like they are taking up all the free time he's had. Also, he has said he will take care of them, so leave him to it! It sounds like you are doing things he hasn't asked you to, and stressing yourself out.

Since you are both so busy, it sounds like you need to actually schedule some together time every few days!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 28/08/2012 08:54

Sit on your bum and refuse to do anything that isnt directly for your DS.

DH chose to have them over, he can run around after them! Or can you take DS out for a while? Go get a coffee or something.

YANBU.

catfart · 28/08/2012 08:56

I was totally expecting to get unanimous BU!

He just came upstairs and I explained again why I was fed up, they are making breakfast. he said to do a day together today and then leave them to get on with it the rest of the week.....easier said that done, the side we live in has a small kitchen and we're all on top of each other. I think they are leaving Thursday but it could be Friday! And then we are off to Dhs' fathers wedding on Saturday.

BossyBritches, it kind of just happened that way! Once this new venture is up and running I can bring in an income doing very little (basically selling my sample bridal dresses through a great wedding shop in London) so its just a case of orders....will be another thing less to worry about, just need to get through next month, I've done all the hard work already thank goodness.

OP posts:
Panzee · 28/08/2012 08:56

It's not the worst thing in the world that he's invited friends, but don't run around after them. Save your energy for you and your son.

redexpat · 28/08/2012 08:58

YANBU.

sawseesaw · 28/08/2012 08:58

Right.
Sit down.
Feet up.
Now tell everyone how you feel.

The friends are there now, so turn it to your advantage. They can cook, shop, and they can definitely wash up.

Your greatest exertions should be drinking tea and writing a shopping list. Do not suffer in silence!

catfart · 28/08/2012 09:01

Pavisiaso, I think he does need to have some time with his friends, it's just last week it was all work on the house no family time, that's what's done my head in. But you're right, I've been too quick to step in and take over, just can't stand the mess and feel guilty when they haven't got a cup of tea or had breakfast....

I am taking all your advice, will step away from the sink and kitchen........just look after DS and get them running round after me :)

OP posts:
Blu · 28/08/2012 09:02

YANBU.

Get him to tell them that your house is now an 'all muck in' commune and there is a rota for cooking and clearing up and all other household jobs - he sounds energetic and foreward focussed, so get him to make it fun.

Surely they will all also enjoy some wood chopping to take some load of your DH, get him to make their leisure pursuits part of the domestic effort - gathering food, fishing, barbecuing over a wood fire, etc.

Put your team of overgrown boy scouts to useful purpose!

ChaoticismyLife · 28/08/2012 09:55

YANBU Stop running around after them, they're your DH's guests, he can do that.

catfart · 28/08/2012 10:20

Blu - good idea.....I'll put a list of outdoor activities together lol!

OP posts:
RightBuggerforit · 28/08/2012 10:22

Yanbu. Agree with chaotic (easier said than done though). I'd be livid with dh in that situation and he would be left in no doubt about it either! So thoughtless. :(

catfart · 28/08/2012 10:40

I know, I'm not happy about it at all, 4 adults and a toddler here plus us.....and it was going to be 6 adults and 2 children (plus us) but they 2 drpped out! small house as well. No escape. I'm going to pop out tomorrow and see a friend for a coffee. He should have not done it, he told me a couple of weeks ago they were coming and I said I didn't feel up to it but he insisted he'd look after them so I got railroaded. I did make my feelings felt then but I think he just was too keen to show them all the work he's done here as its a big lifestyle change.

He did cancel the 16 family members that were coming down 3 weeks ago!!! 16 all at once, and they expect to be waited on as well.....that was über crazy.

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 28/08/2012 11:24

You shouldn't have cooked for them or cleaned up, by doing that you're allowing your husband to get away with not doing what he said he was going to do. When they leave give him hell for it but don't let him do it to you again.

As for HIS guests, how rude of them to allow a pregnant woman run around after them like that, they should have insisted on cleaning up after themselves, it's just good manners.

MigratingCoconuts · 28/08/2012 11:29

make them do all the work!! that's what friends are for.

And if your DH invited them, he can bloody well organise them!!

catfart · 29/08/2012 07:59

DH not happy this morning, gone down to the entire kitchen as a bomb site, all dishes stacked unwashed on the side. I've just sorted DS his breakfast, grabbed my breakfast and made my way back to bed. I shall emerge when the chaos subsides and will hop straight in the car with DS and take him to the local soft play as its a miserable day here.

OP posts:
Grumpla · 29/08/2012 08:08

Ah, see? Now that you are not running around cleaning up after everyone he can see how much cleaning up needs to be done!

YANBU, but you need to stand firm and basically GO ON STRIKE. A lot of housework etc it is "invisible" when it's been done by someone else.

Carry on like this for a few more days and he / they will realise just how much pressure you have been under.

maddening · 29/08/2012 08:18

take ds to see your mum then meet dh at pils

catfart · 29/08/2012 08:32

My mum is 2.5 hours away sadly but I had a little chat with her on the phone yesterday and she suggested the breakfast in bed bit which is great as I needed the rest and out of sight out of mind. Yes Grumpia, I am on strike, DH said yesterday he's screwed up big time so it is sinking in.

Now I just need to know if they're going tomorrow or Friday! DH still doesn't know, we leave Friday morning to go to see DH's family as its his dads wedding on Saturday (4 hours away). Want to be straight before we go! Just hope they go out today rather than loiter, going to treat DS and I to lunch in the local cafe (nice home cooked food there)' usually I'm making bread, soups and frittatas for lunch about now, so looking forward to that as well.

OP posts:
dondon33 · 29/08/2012 08:33

YANBU

I'm sat here sniggering at the thought of your DH seeing the mess this morning "WTF? has the cleaning fairy called in sick hun" :)
Let him/them get on with it, they shouldn't have been letting you run yourself ragged for them anyway. I can see nothing wrong with making them a nice brekkie OR some dinner, if you're up to it but leaving you to do everything is crap.
URGH! Peeing on loo seats is minging, do they have no manners? I would have said something jokingly but serious or put a sign up in the bathroom after the first instance.
Hope you have a nice rest :) xx

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