to avoid my ungrateful inlaws in my own house?

[CravingSunshine]

We've already had it out and now it's bubbling up again. Anyone else got UNBEARABLE ones? With 2 babies and as a slightly reluctant SaHM, I spend most of the day doing tedious housework. When they come to 'help', instead of helping they play with the children and I do even more housework. They never ask me any questions about myself or anything else. In fact, I'm basically a conduit to the grandchildren.
Tonight I cooked a nice 2-course (was meant to be 3 but was too furious to do dessert) meal, served it up, served wine, cleared the plates and then did the entire wash up and cleaned the kitchen whilst they (including DH) sat in the dining room drinking wine and NOBODY offered to help. When I went back in to collect any more 'empties', I found FIL sitting in my chair. It's Goldilocks in its most extreme form.
So now I'm in a complete strop and can't be bothered to even try and converse but at 9.30 it's too early to go to bed.
Please can someone else share their horrendous inlaw tales.

I do not expect in-laws to help when they are here. However I do expect husband to pull his weight, and give him clear instructions like "oi, you, come and do the washing up".

Don't drop hints or expect him to offer.

My in-laws as a family are very much of the opinion that the women should be in charge of kitchen-based stuff while the menfolk keep the sofa warm. I am not allowing husband to fall in with this while they are visiting.

I haven't been backward in pointing out my MIL many, many faults on MIL threads. I hate her with a passion.

Last Christmas she came up, she comes after FIL because they are divorced, its usually a couple if hours and I stay in the kitchen drinking and hiding knives.

She was doing the poor me whinge that she wasn eating on her own and, in a moment of madness I crumbled and let her stay. I had to then do a veggie dinner for her, gave up my seat at the table and basically waited on her.

DH told her she had to go because my parents were coming up. She kissed DH and the DDs and turned to me and said " you won't be getting a kiss" ( I stopped her doing this years ago) " because you know what you're like, you selfish bitch" and swanned out.

no Euphemia it wouldn't - thoughtless fuckers

selfish bitch? wow coco,

see how selfish you can be this year when you tell her to stick tinsel in her veggie lovin' twat

She shot herself in the foot though by saying it in front of the DDs. Eldest one isnt enamoured by her anyway but DD2 thought she was great fun. She was really upset with her and it has changed their entire relationship.

I still have no idea why I said she could stay, DH thinks its because she was moaning in front of the DDs and I wanted to set a good example. I think it was temporary insanity.

OP, you need to clamp down on this shit now. My DM has spent the last 25+ years making 3 course meals on special occasions for my Dad's family. Now Dsis and I are older we're expected to help, but before this she had to do everything on her own while DF "entertains" the guests. He actually sees this as a legitimate job that requires fortification through copious amounts of ale. It has been a bone of contention in our house for years and both Dsis and I's partners say we have been left with a fervent need for all chores to be divided exactly equally (at least to us). Crack the whip, love.

The whole ILs thing is very tricky. Worra I know you think DH should be helping clear up. He nearly always does and often cooks for my folks as well as his though I usually clear up. I let him off the hook on this occasion as he had spent the day fixing the shower and building ikea cabinets.
I agree that guests shouldn't have to prep their own dinner. DoMeDon when we go to see ^them^ we empty their dishwasher every morning and clean all last night's crap that didn't fit in (usually their port glasses). We end up doing it because we're up at 0600 with kids whilst they languish in bed. I don't have a problem helping out after dinner when MIL has cooked as it means everyone can relax quicker. So why isn't that recognised when they come to us?I don't expect them to wash up but to bring a few plates into the kitchen and stack them up and maybe tidy away a few clean saucepans so I can sit down quicker? That's not too much to ask.
I reckon they want to punish the younger generation of parents because they think we have it easy 'what with today's technology and all those disposable nappies...' 'Well, in our day...blah blah blah...
And, guess what, Christmas is looming and I'm NOT inviting them!

My inlaws just left. They did nothing for the two days they were here. Nada...they were in holiday mode apparently. However the next time we visit them, I am engaging holiday mode myself. Kettle, pot and black shall come to mind if anyone says anything!!!

I find what annoys me when they don't clean etc. is the pretense they are here to 'help'. Just say it's a visit to see the GCs don't dress it up as help that doesn't occur and actually makes more work for me.

I've been restraining my urge for an in law vent but since you invited it.....

They moved in with us when our baby was 2 weeks old, having opted to leave their house and go travelling a few months ago. They were homeless. 2 of their kids aren't speaking to them and one has moved abroad. That leaves DP so we got them. By the time they go we'll have had 12 weeks of them living with us. If i can last that long without murder. It really is the accumulation of little things:

• very little help, usually help doing stuff that wouldn't need doing if they weren't here, eg with DP away I wouldn't bother with an evening meal so them setting the table isn't really very helpful.
• MIL has a bit of a play or a cuddle with new Grand daughter then comes to find me and hands her over saying 'she needs changing'
• MIL went to sleep in the living room the other day, didn't Just drift off by accident, actually announced she was having a nap. So we all had to creep around (and not watch tv)
• MIL doesn't flush the loo. No idea wtf this is about. May be environmental.
• FIL cut his toenails in the living room
• At every meal MIL makes out that we eat a lot...'that's a huge portion, we only have 125g pasta per person'. Then she has seconds and thirds (so i can't). I am breastfeeding and starving all the time so find this very annoying. So what if i'm a greedy arse, i'm eating for 2
• they just never stop talking. I am exhausted with baby still waking 2-3 times a night and can't even have peace and quiet in my own house.
• they finished the nutella but didn't tell me. MY nutella.
• and used all my showergel
• and the coffee. THE COFFEE ffs. I have had 6 hours of sleep in 2 hour increments and come down at 6.30am to find there is no coffee. Would any judge reject this as extreme provocation?!

Trying- I sympathise on the "never stops talking", it's one thing that really bugs me. I know they are visiting to catch up, but do they have to fill every silence with trivia and wittering? It annoys me when I escape to the kitchen and MIL follows me so she can witter at me there as well.

They even keep wittering when I have a baby screaming in the other ear. I have to walk away and leave them talking....

I would far prefer some quiet washing up to making conversation on my own with my ILs. If DH tried to clear up I think I'd snatch the plates out of his hands.

YANBU-I get this from inlaws too-we have been going EVERY sunday for dinner for the past 16 years!! I am expected to help lay/clear the table,stack dishwasher etc-not a problem in itself but pisses my tits right off as dh and bil sit on their fecking arses doing nowt!!

If I try and say to dh to get up and help mil just shooes him away! I have now started sitting on my own arse and letting them get on with it.

custardo-you do know your real problem is with your dh and not your inlaws dont you?....

Holy fuck, they finished the coffee? Anyone doing that in this house is sent to the nearest shop. I have had to function without the stuff before and it wasn't pretty (another caffeine dependent bfer here )

How your IL's aren't under the patio is beyond me. I would have bitten them.

coco- how can your DH allow her to speak to you like that? Poor you. I would be so pissed off with my DH if he allowed MIL to say that to me. How did he react?

Tryingtobenice, hand your child back and go 'would you be a lovely Granny and do it for me ? ' (she can hardly refuse then without looking mean). Cook extra and hide for you to 'top up' afterwards.... send them to corner shop if they use up last of anything seeing as they can't be bothered to tell you and HIDE the Nutella !

I was invited for dinner at my PILs house and MIL stroppily announced after the meal that she expected us to clean up, I would feel quite awkward and annoyed tbh.

Family or not, they're GUESTS. Stop being a martyr and tell your H to pull his weight while his parents are visiting.