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Original poster

To celebrate 'D'H's birthday..

82 replies

facejacker · 27/08/2012 21:06

Ok, so other half hates celebrating his birthday. Don't ask me why, he's just never ever been into it. Been married 5+ years, and the first time I asked him his birth date he revealed he hated people knowing, and any kind of get together. And I've respected that-always got him a card and made him a meal but didn't make a big song and dance about it...

This year was a big birthday for him (was on Sat). So got him cards from myself and DS (18 months), and took him for a slap up meal at an uber fancy restaurant which I'd been saving for MONTHS for, and reserved weeks in advance. Arranged babysitter etc. All fine and dandy. I thought today might be nice to invite his family (parents, DB and his wife), and my family (parents, DB, DB's wife and DN) so we could all celebrate. I'd asked him about it before, and he was happy for me to do so.

So, did all cleaning myself, shopped for all the food myself with a teething, cranky toddler, cooked a variety of dishes, ordered fancy cake (again, which I'd saved for), did all the hostessing-serving drinks, making sure people had enough to eat etc etc. Then before the cake, cleared up myself (no-one offered to help) and got things ready for the cake. When it came to cutting the cake, DH refused to let me take a single picture, nor did he want to be in any family pictures with me and DS. This really hurt. I felt really resentful that after going to all this trouble (and expense) of trying to give him a memorable few days, he didn't appreciate the effort I went to. Or am I being unreasonable as I know he's not into birthday celebrations? He knew I wanted to take some pics so we could remember this day in years to come, but proverbially stuck 2 fingers up at the thought.

I should add that I'm 6 months pregnant, suffering badly with sciatica, have a 18 month old to look after, and work part-time.

Am I being a cow :( ? (currently not speaking to him btw)...

OP posts:
Original poster
facejacker · 27/08/2012 22:06

oooh AnyFucker, you're not gonna let me have it are you?!

Gosh, maybe I am really really bu?

OP posts:
Growlithe · 27/08/2012 22:07

Yes you would be unreasonable because I shouldn't imagine your second DC will be remotely bothered about seeing a picture of their dad on his 'big' birthday.

RaisinDEtre · 27/08/2012 22:08

come on, we've been quite gentle with you, don't keep poking the nest

Original poster
facejacker · 27/08/2012 22:10

Raisin, how am I poking the nest?

Confused
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/08/2012 22:10

Your kids don't need photos of their Dad 'enjoying' his birthday.

And actually, they'd probably laugh at them when they're old enough to know he hates Birthdays Grin

Original poster
facejacker · 27/08/2012 22:14

worra, I know. Believe me, I know. It's just I have very few pics of my parents when they were my age, and would like to have lots for my kids to see. I realise this goes back to me again, but it's always stuff we miss out on (eg pictures, holidays etc) that we want for our kids. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/08/2012 22:16

Does he not like his photo being taken ever?

CoolaSchmoola · 27/08/2012 22:17

Perhaps he said ok to lunch with his family to make you happy? After all you are his pregnant wife whom he loves and by your own admission you've been pushing the birthday thing for years.

So he agrees despite not wanting to do it himself (personally I think the rules for birthdays should be you do what the birthday person wants even if it's nothing, seeing as it's their day....) he agrees to a lunch.

The day comes and he finds he can't quite put on the front he had planned, even though he knows you will be disappointed, so takes himself off to not put a dampener on what has become your day in that he's trying to please you, not you pleasing him on "his" day. You ask him to come down, which he does - again, for you. You then whip out a "fancy cake" and a camera even though you know he doesn't do birthdays and he's already agreed to far more than you know he is comfortable with?!

You pushed too far. He responded by withdrawing. Your fault, sorry.

AnyFucker · 27/08/2012 22:17

FJ, are you this controlling like a terrier with a fucking boneon all aspects of your family life ?

just leave him be, and make a fuss for someone who appreciates it

< speaks as some one who hated her own wedding day, and for whom the idea of a surprise party would be the absolute pits >

AnyFucker · 27/08/2012 22:18

strike out fail Blush

FriedEggsAndHam · 27/08/2012 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
facejacker · 27/08/2012 22:21

I'll be honest, we hardly do anything that warrants photo-taking! We haven't been on holiday together in over a year, we didn't celebrate my birthday this year (he forgot) so it's just work and occasional meal out. We have one grainy pic of us at DS's birthday, and that's our family pic for this year.

God, sounds really sad! We're actually really happy together, and I've accepted he's not the life and soul (which I don't mind). It's just his lack of effort sometimes is astounding. Even when he sees how much effort I put into things, but he literally can't be arsed. I'm not just talking about today-he was such a party pooper at DS's birthday whilst all the other Dad's (from NCT) were having a great time...

I just have to accept it (but it's so incredibly hard!)...

OP posts:
FriedEggsAndHam · 27/08/2012 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2012 22:24

You don't need to do anything that warrants photo taking...you just take photos surely?

I've got photos of us sat on the couch/sitting in the garden/standing outside

The photos matter...not the occasion they were taken imo.

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2012 22:25

I've got photos of us sat on the couch/sitting in the garden/standing outside

I mean photos of me and my family...not me and you OP! Blush

Original poster
facejacker · 27/08/2012 22:25

FriedEggs, thanks. Genuinely trying not to drip feed, just when someone asks a question (like worra), and I answer, it adds another element to the subject.

I don't mind if you're harsh, I think anyone who's prepared to post something on here has to face the criticism.

As I said, I do accept I have been unreasonable, but I guess pride prevents me from just acting like nothing's happened. MAybe it'll all seem less important in the morning! x

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 27/08/2012 22:26

'incredibly hard'? Hmm

Just take photos of your dc and get him to take photos of you and your dc. If you get the odd one of him, then be happy, but it's not the end of the world.

You don't sound like you're compatible tbh. Your husband might be an introvert and, if he is, it's quite painful for intros to cope with lots of fuss and bother. They just get on with life and want to be left alone.

tethersend · 27/08/2012 22:30

If the OP accepts that her DH doesn't like birthdays and doesn't want to celebrate, then surely he must accept that she does, and make a fuss of her on hers?

Fair's fair.

FriedEggsAndHam · 27/08/2012 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 27/08/2012 22:31

I am in virtually none of our family photos

I am either taking the pic, or dodging the pic

if someone tried to shoe-horn me into something like this, I would be furious, and it would be you on the end of a visit to Coventry, tbh

Original poster
facejacker · 27/08/2012 22:31

Hiddenhome, apart from the matter in hand, we're just dandy thanks :)

Of course we differ in some respects, how boring would life be if we agreed on everything? But thanks for your input.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 27/08/2012 22:32

but she doesn't accept it, teth

she keeps trying to push him

AnyFucker · 27/08/2012 22:34

FJ, go give him a kiss and a cuppa

g'wan

Original poster
facejacker · 27/08/2012 22:34

FriedEggs, he's asleep! Today's wiped him out lol!

But I will in the morning. I'm not great at constantly being pissed at something!

AnyFucker, lol. I shall bear your comment in mind the next time I dare take a picture! Though he's okay being photographed, just doesn't like in on his birthday...

OP posts:
FriedEggsAndHam · 27/08/2012 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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