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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if anyone enjoys the newborn phase?

82 replies

raininginbaltimore · 24/08/2012 23:22

It is so relentless. I have hit a bit of a wall. I feel like a fat, sweaty mess. DD is 3 weeks old. I should have remembered this from ds.

I feel trapped in a cycle of feeding, holding washing bottles, sterilising etc. By the time I finish feeding her (it can take over an hour) and start preparing it is time to start again. I can't bloody do anything without ds needing a toilet or dd being feeling. Bottle feeding sucks s. It s a huge faff and I wish I didn't have to.

She cries when put down. I have a sling, but can't use it all time, like to shower or sleep!

I can't predict her feeds, so I am awake now as she wnt sleep and will want feeding again soon I think

I know, I know this too shall pass. But do people really enjoy this stage?

OP posts:
tuckingfits · 24/08/2012 23:56

I think the suggestion of the premade bottles is a good one,even if you were only to use them on days you want to go out. Although if it were me I think I'd be lazy & use them until she settles into a more predictable feeding routine.

jaggythistle · 24/08/2012 23:57

is it possible to get a shower while DH is in the house? that's what we did when the other was out to work. it sucks getting up earlier, but i felt better not being in quite such a flap. i still keep being last to get some breakfast though!

StarlightMcKenzie · 24/08/2012 23:59

I have a 9 week old. These are my lazy shortcuts.

Get up, quick wash, get pants, shorts and t-shirts for kids, put cereal in bowls, kids eat whilst I dress. Bring baby down stairs, feed whilst kids get dressed. Only change baby if nappy feels full. Baby wears same clothes slept in. Stick 2 nappies and wipes in pocket with one sleep suit, put baby in buggy and go out.

I bf so things are easier but in morning why not use a ready made formula carton, just to get out quick.

I can get out with a 5yr, 3yr and 9 week old from 45 mins of getting up, although when I get there I do have to spend a good hour feeding, but that's okay coz we're out.

tuckingfits · 24/08/2012 23:59

And to tell you the truth I am still shit at getting myself & ds aged almost 19 months out the door before 11. And I only have him & a mental puppy to cope with. You are very early days raining,you are sleep deprived & dealing with other issues too. Try & take it easy on yourself. Have a hug,I hope it makes you feel a little better.

clemetteattlee · 25/08/2012 00:01

I hated it. So much so that, as much as I REALLY want more children I couldn't put myself or my relationship or my two DC through it again.

kittyandthefontanelles · 25/08/2012 00:01

My baby was 3 or 4 months before we could comfortably get out in the morning. Can I suggest an internet search for baby groups. I simply can't believe there isn't anything in the afternoon anywhere. Churches often do something. Each surestart centre has different timings. Libraries etc. Do see what you can find. But you must know from your older son that this will not last.

tuckingfits · 25/08/2012 00:02

Holy crap Starlight,I'm in awe! That's how long it used to take me to get myself up,ready & out in a rush. Without breakfast!!

scarlettsmummy2 · 25/08/2012 00:02

I loved having a newborn! They are so little and cuddly. My second daughter is six months and it is less tiring but having a tiny baby is such a special time.

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/08/2012 00:05

Ah yeah, I forgot, I skip breakfast for myself. Probably in too much of a stressy rush but I don't seem to want it.

I guess I just focus on 'getting out' because the alternative sends me into a spiral of depression where I can't clear up the mess faster than it is produced.

tuckingfits · 25/08/2012 00:06

That's a good point - it's nice to come home to a house that isn't trashed!

scarlettsmummy2 · 25/08/2012 00:11

I have to say though that I found it so much easier second time round. I think a good birth really helped and breastfeeding wasn't a problem. I was much more stressed first time round.

trio38 · 25/08/2012 00:17

Fascinating? Yes. Enjoyable? Nooooooooooo! (Repeat to self, "It WILL get better, It WILL get better.)

MrsHoarder · 25/08/2012 01:45

I agree on the baby groups thing. There are around 10 groups which I could reasonably take DS to. Only 1 of them doesn't have a start-time before 10am. Even now (at 3 months) getting both of us fed, dressed and out before then is too much of a mission to contemplate.

Can your DH be in charge for a period in the evening so you can shower etc then? Even if you can just spend 10 mins in the shower "off duty" it can help a lot (even better if a few nights a week he can let you have a soak in the bath, but he should be able to cope for 10 mins).

WhispersOfWickedness · 25/08/2012 01:55

God no, if there was an option to have them freshly delivered at 12 months, I would have picked it Grin
I still don't go to anything in the morning and mine are 2 and 1!

Original poster
raininginbaltimore · 25/08/2012 02:05

Glad I'm not only one. It is better this time, but still not enjoyable.

Toddler groups - there are 3 church ones, and one in afternoon is under 1s only so can't take ds. Other two are mornings. Children centre is two mornings for stay and play, as is other children's centre within area. All 9.30-11.

OP posts:
mrswoz · 25/08/2012 02:08

raining I have read some of your other posts, sorry you are finding things difficult at the moment. Flowers

I am apprehensive about the arrival of my 3rd DC in 4 weeks time, thinking how the hell am I going to get to school/nursery on time. I know the only way I will manage it is by doing things like putting the clothes out the night before, all showers/baths to be done the night before, clearing the decks as much as possible before going to bed I.e. laundry in baskets, dishes tidied away and toys picked up - easier said than done but if you can enlist your DH to help with this in the evening, or ask him to bath the little ones while you get prepared for the following day, you might find you feel more in control of what is going to happen? Dunno if that's any use to you but I would think most of the time you like to keep things pretty well ordered anyway?

I love newborns btw - they don't answer back and they smell scrummy! Grin

mrswoz · 25/08/2012 02:09

Flowers fail...sorry! Thanks

BabylonPI · 25/08/2012 02:12

I have loved every single day of newborn stage with all three DCs Grin

I'm a bit gutted I'll never go through it again Sad

BabylonPI · 25/08/2012 02:14

PS YANBU not everyone enjoys and you shouldn't feel guilty for admitting you don't enjoy it.

FWIW I don't like toddler stage, but hey ho Wink

Original poster
raininginbaltimore · 25/08/2012 02:27

Baby won't go to sleep. I've had 1.5 hours sleep. She might if I hold her. But can't put her down. Argh.

I love toddlers. In fact from about 7 months, when they can sit up and play, but you can leave them for more than 30secs.

And when ds cries I know why, even if it isn't logical I know why and can solve it.

OP posts:
Original poster
raininginbaltimore · 25/08/2012 02:35

I want to enjoy it. But how do you enjoy 3 hours sleep a might (that is my average at moment) and then function as a human for your toddler?

I am crying just because I am tired. I would give almost anything for 4+hours sleep.

OP posts:
Whisky4Tea · 25/08/2012 02:56

I am really sorry that you are finding everything do difficult. I do think, if I were your mum or friend I would tell you the following though:

If you are bottle-feeding there is no reason why your DH can't help with the night time feeds to help you sleep a bit longer (even if she has to go back to you to go back to sleep, at least you don't have to sit up to feed her). This goes for the weekend too, when he could step up and look after her while you had four hours sleep.

It is very difficult to do everything by yourself. But I think that you should not ask but insist that your DH does his share.

mathanxiety · 25/08/2012 03:00

What time does your DH leave in the morning? Would it be possible for you to drag yourself out of bed and into the shower before he leaves, with him holding the baby?

Don't beat yourself up about not enjoying this stage. That is the least of your worries and comparing yourself negatively with others who enjoy it is a waste of energy. You need to be practical.

What you and your DH need to do is get your heads together and try to maximise your sleeping time. I think he needs to roll up his sleeves and get a bit more helpful with the baby. Can he do a night feed or two? Maybe if he did feedings until midnight and you did feedings afterwards? If you got DS off to bed about 7 then could you leave DH in charge and go to bed yourself about 8 and get a few hours sleep in?

If you could get a week with guaranteed rest from 8 to midnight you might feel better and your DH might find he got better at baby handling with practice.

Try not to fret about the baby crying if you leave her down to get something done. A few minutes crying is not going to hurt her and you would be able to get things together a bit faster if you had your hands free. You would feel stressed but not completely at the mercy of the baby.

mathanxiety · 25/08/2012 03:01

x-post there -- and I agree 'insist' is the word to use with the DH. I bfed and so it all fell to me, but there is no excuse for your DH not to be doing his share of the night feedings.

Unless he wants you to end up in the hospital exhausted.

thebeesnees79 · 25/08/2012 07:49

I find the first 12 months really hard (it gets more enjoyable after 6 months I think) But it is very hard. I am on number three (33 weeks pregnant) but only because I know its such a short period and it does pass in a bit of a blurry sleep deprived haze.
Keep going it will get easier I promise.
My first had just turned two when I had my second and it was tough for the first 12 months.