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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To up dcs chances in this way

159 replies

benetint · 24/08/2012 21:24

I've always believed in God. I went to a church school and really enjoyed the religious education and found a lot of comfort in my faith. However my parents weren't religious at all so I was never baptised and we didn't attend church. In adult life I gained the confidence to start exploring my faith and I really wanted to start attending church. I considered myself a Christian but had no idea which church to go to. My gran was a devout catholic so I decided to go on the Rcia course which I really enjoyed and I was baptised catholic last Easter. I could have as easily gone down the cofe e route.

Now it's coming to school applications and some of the really good schools around us are catholic and cofe. To get your kids into catholic school they need to be baptised catholic (which they are) but to attend the cofe school it's church attendance that's required.

So basically I wanted to know if it would be really wrong for me to attend a cofe church as a baptised catholic? Like I say I was religious anyway and didn't really mind which side I went down so there would be more to me going than just schools..but it would tick both schools boxes too. I feel guilty even asking...

OP posts:

Bellyjaby · 24/08/2012 21:28

I do t personally think its unreasonable but to some people their faith is incredibly important and they may feel it is. I come from a mixed cofe and catholic background, I've been in and out of both sets of churches but sadly I never found religion held with me. Mainly because of my family actually.

Bellyjaby · 24/08/2012 21:29

*dont

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 24/08/2012 21:31

As a Catholic, I can't set foot in any CofE church without covering myself and having a dettol bath after. If it's got a female vicar I just about come out in hives. It's like visiting the Anti-christ.

But you do what you think best.

Floggingmolly · 24/08/2012 21:32

When were your dc's baptised? If it was at the same time as yourself it's very likely far too late. Most oversubscribed Catholic schools require children to be baptised within 6 months of birth (3 months for the super strict ones).
And would certainly require at least one parent to be a practising Catholic.

Original poster

benetint · 24/08/2012 21:34

No, our schools don't stipulate when baptism was.

OP posts:

chocoluvva · 24/08/2012 21:43

Oh Jumping!!!!

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 24/08/2012 21:48

Yes???

Brightspark1 · 24/08/2012 21:48

Do what ever you feel comfortable with. Thank God most people understand the ecumenical way of thinking that it is being a Christian matters, not the denomination. I was a lapsed C of E who returned to church to get my DCs into the local C of E school , and I found a wonderful community church, I carried on going long after because I rediscovered my faith. Most C of E churches are friendly and welcoming and don't have a problem with other denomination being part of the church community?
Jumping through hoops- I didn't realise there were people like you still around

chocoluvva · 24/08/2012 21:53

"It's like visiting the Anti-Christ"!!!!!!!!
Really?
Have you visited the A-C?
Did your skin react? :o

seeker · 24/08/2012 21:53

Had you thought how you are you going to explain this to the children?

I'd check again about the time of baptism thing- it's unusual for it not to be specified when it needs to have happened. It would be a shame to go to all the difficulty of getting baptised if it turns out not to help you get into the school after all......

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2012 21:53

I would just send them to the Catholic school.

Attend mass, and if that's not good enough for the CofE school, stuff 'em, I say.

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2012 21:55

"It would be a shame to go to all the difficulty of getting baptised if it turns out not to help you get into the school after all......"

Seeker, that's just rude. Nothing the OP has posted indicates she has been baptised or had her children baptised to gain a school place.

benetint......have you considered the taking communion aspect of a CofE service?

seeker · 24/08/2012 21:56

Brightspark (how appropriate a name) I think jumping might just have been joking, just a bit. About the dettol anyway- I think holy water on it's own is all that is needed nowadays!

xDivAx · 24/08/2012 22:04

Seeker her dc's are already baptised, she not about to baptise them just for the sake of getting into a school.

I'm sorry I'm not a religious person so I don't know how either community would view this, but IMO being Christian should be more than enough. The different factions seem to just like imposing diffent rules to me. Surely being faithful in God and Jesus is what's right and not the rituals around it. They can't all be right! But then again I am just a layman when it comes to religion and know not what I say! Nonetheless I wouldn't roast you for it!

chocoluvva · 24/08/2012 22:05

I feel silly now....

PrideOfChanur · 24/08/2012 22:06

Hmm. This is my personal sticking point.Thing is you didn't join the Cof E,did you? You decided to be baptised as a catholic and presumably to be involved in your local catholic church?
So are you going to go to the Cof E church,and leave the catholic church,or only attend the Cof E till you get your place,and then leave?In theory I can see that you are a christian and could go to either church,but it feels to me like using your faith to play the system - feels wrong.

seeker · 24/08/2012 22:12

"Seeker, that's just rude. Nothing the OP has posted indicates she has been baptised or had her children baptised to gain a school place.

No? The thread title? "tick both school's boxes?" the point about on school requiring baptismnbut the other requiring attendance?

Call me an old cynic, but.......

Brightspark1 · 24/08/2012 22:14

Jumping may have been joking , but she wasn't funny... Or helpful

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/08/2012 22:15

If it's going to actually prey on your mind and bother your conscience, I would go and see the Priest and/or Vicar at the churches and see what they say about the whole situation.
My DCs attend a CofE primary school, and several children each year do go to the Catholic secondary school from there, so it isn't set in stone that they must be Catholics - or if they are, then attendance at the CofE primary isn't held against them.

Floggingmolly · 24/08/2012 22:15

Only op knows her reasons for baptising her children, but she certainly has her eye to the main chance regarding schools. She and her kids, in a blaze of religious fervour were baptised into the Catholic church last year. This year, she's considering attending a different church to "up their chances" of getting the school of her choice. Of course she's playing the system! Like hundreds of others, sure, but at least be honest about it.
I don't think having a finger in every pie will work, op. the priest and the vicar will be perfectly well aware of what some people do to "up their kids chances". It's a road well trodden

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2012 22:17

benetint....what do you think your priest would say?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 24/08/2012 22:20

Why don't you just go after a place at the Catholic school

I think YABU because you have, as an adult, declared a chosen faith. You will be actively contradicting what the school is teaching. But normally I think it's ok to do this, you shouldn't be in a position where you have to fake a religion for a good school in the first place.

seeker · 24/08/2012 22:22

The priest would say that if you're a catholic you should go to the catholic church. He would probably then have w word with his mate the vicar to make sure that he knew the score when it came to filling in the application form.......

larks35 · 24/08/2012 22:23

YWBU to attend CofE church instead of your chosen RC church just to get your kids into a school. I'm hoping that you have some faith in your chosen religion and if you do then I can't see how you can falsely attend another church just to get your kids into a certain school .

I was raised RC and went to RC primary and secondary schools. I've become very lapsed but would like my DC to attend a local CofE school as it has the sort of ethos I like. I'm not sure what criteria would help in our application (need to apply for DS soonish) but I certainly wouldn't pretend to be CofE or even more RC than I am just to get him a place. If he doesn't get a place then so be it, I'm sure he'll do well wherever he goes.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 24/08/2012 22:31

Jumping may have been joking , but she wasn't funny... Or helpful

Joking? I never joke on matters of faith. You either have it or you don't. You don't go wishy-washy and hedge your bets coz you can't decide which school doctrine you prefer.

I have no issue what so ever with people without faith using the system - but I find it odd for people with faith to compromise it.

Bathe in holy water - if I could access a vat of the stuff I'd get the priest round to exorcise me after being in a CofE church with a woman vicar. There is a natural order to my religion and it doesnt involve women wafting round playing a guitar warbling kumbaya I however accept others like that sort of thing and that is their prerogative. There is no right/wrong, just preference.

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