Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To up dcs chances in this way

159 replies

benetint · 24/08/2012 21:24

I've always believed in God. I went to a church school and really enjoyed the religious education and found a lot of comfort in my faith. However my parents weren't religious at all so I was never baptised and we didn't attend church. In adult life I gained the confidence to start exploring my faith and I really wanted to start attending church. I considered myself a Christian but had no idea which church to go to. My gran was a devout catholic so I decided to go on the Rcia course which I really enjoyed and I was baptised catholic last Easter. I could have as easily gone down the cofe e route.

Now it's coming to school applications and some of the really good schools around us are catholic and cofe. To get your kids into catholic school they need to be baptised catholic (which they are) but to attend the cofe school it's church attendance that's required.

So basically I wanted to know if it would be really wrong for me to attend a cofe church as a baptised catholic? Like I say I was religious anyway and didn't really mind which side I went down so there would be more to me going than just schools..but it would tick both schools boxes too. I feel guilty even asking...

OP posts:
Brightspark1 · 24/08/2012 22:38

' no right or wrong, just preference'. Am interesting way of describing bigotry and intolerance

GrendelsMum · 24/08/2012 22:41

How about attending the CoE church but not taking Holy Communion?

TBH,you might be surprised at how similar the services are.

LynetteScavo · 24/08/2012 22:46

The thing is, OP, you didn't go down the CofE route. You went down the Catholic route. So not much point in taking communion in an Anglican church. While Anglicans won't mind (so I'm told) it won't do you much good if you are Catholic.

seeker · 24/08/2012 22:47

And they say atheists have no moral compass.............!

seeker · 24/08/2012 22:48

Is it bigoted and intolerant to say that, as a catholic you consider c of e communion to be a shadow of " the real thing" and not something you would touch with a bargepole?

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 24/08/2012 22:49

' no right or wrong, just preference'. Am interesting way of describing bigotry and intolerance

Hardly. I believer everyone is allowed to practice their own faith according to their beliefs. My faith doesnt allow female practitioners. Other faiths do. that is their right and provided they don't try to change my way of worship, all is well in the world.

I look at it like you want tomato sauce or salad cream on your chips. I prefer tomato sauce, you prefer salad cream, but the chips stay the same.

OneMoreChap · 24/08/2012 23:03

Left footers are a bit odd about it. I'm now an atheist, but when I was CoE I'd happily go to any church and take Communion. Some Catholic mates were a bit Biscuit about it, as they seem to believe something other than "Do this in remembrance of me"

The only place I hated was High Anglican Church which was Bells and Smells...

Did you kow a CoE Church can't refuse your child baptism, by the way. They'll have no problem about you going - and you'll even get the blood of Christ - which as I recall you don't get from the Catholic church.

If the Vicar of Rome's mates get in a snit about it... well, let them. My tolerance of their decades of child abuse is limited.

Brightspark1 · 24/08/2012 23:07

Jumping through hoops - I agree entirely.i just think that being facetious taking the piss is not a helpful way of answering the OP's post. As an Anglican who has attended Catholic masses and has many Catholic friends , I am aware that there is much more common ground than differences. I respect the differences and celebrate the similarities. As I don't want this pointless discussion to detract from the OP, I shall bow out and go to bed.

BackforGood · 24/08/2012 23:09

YABU to attend the church just to get your dcs into a school. That said, there's a lot of it about on MN, and a lot of people who seem to have no moral compunction with the dishonesty of it.
In terms of attending whatever Church you feel drawn to / is convenient for your life at any one time, then of course you can do that. There's absolutely no reason why you can't go along to any church for a few weeks, months, or even years to see if it feels right for you - there is no reason at all that you should continue with a denomination because it was where your Nan went!

whois · 25/08/2012 09:47

YANBU

Religions are different shades of the same colour in my view, it's FAITH which is important not the exact method of practicing.

Camusfearna · 25/08/2012 10:22

women wafting round playing a guitar warbling kumbaya What has that to do with the C of E? It's just insulting Why do some posters seem to think they can say what they like on MN? What about some tolerance of others' beliefs?

OneMoreChap · 25/08/2012 11:01

Camusfearna Sat 25-Aug-12 10:22:10
women wafting round playing a guitar warbling kumbaya What has that to do with the C of E? It's just insulting Why do some posters seem to think they can say what they like on MN? What about some tolerance of others' beliefs?

I note without further comment, save only the bolding:

JumpingThroughMoreHoops Fri 24-Aug-12 21:31:47
As a Catholic, I can't set foot in any CofE church without covering myself and having a dettol bath after. If it's got a female vicar I just about come out in hives. It's like visiting the Anti-christ.

TooManyDaisies · 25/08/2012 11:09

IMHO a Christian is a Christian. If you choose to attend your local c of e Church the vicar won't give 2 hoots that you're technically a catholic. Which is as it should be. Go to whichever church you prefer but do go with an open mind (sounds like you are!) and respect for the other people at the church.

Good luck with your school applications!

marriedinwhite · 25/08/2012 11:25

There is one God and the Church of England exists only because Henry VIII broke with Rome and appointed himself head of the Church of England to secure his divorce.

The manner of worship differs but both are christian.

If you have a reason to believe your dc would be better suited to the ethos in the cofe school, then I would send them. The church of England talks enough at present about inclusivity and many cofe schools are now obliged to accept a certain percentage of their intake from secular families of from families with other faiths even if they are oversubscribed and I don't think it is a problem. The catholic schools have tended to keep their intakes at 100% catholic.

Our DC attended the local cofe school and there were catholic children in the classes; sometimes because the cofe was closer to their home, sometimes because the parents were "mixed", sometimes because parents though the cofe school was a bit more relaxed. There were also some transfers both ways after children joined due to unhappiness or just not fitting in. Locally the small cofe and catholic school were very oversubscribed and for many years both hit 100% in the Stage II SATs. The catholic school has stayed there the cofe school has slipped a bit in recent years.

One word of warning, I know of one catholic family who sent their dc to the cofe school. When it came to applying for catholic secondary schools (which here are head and shoulders above their cofe counterparts - for boys anyway) they were sent packing with a flea in their ear by one auspicious establishment. They got into the one the Blairs chose though although I guess that was less choosy.

Camusfearna · 25/08/2012 12:00

Sorry, OneMoreChap, not quite sure what you mean? Confused

gregorisnotmyname · 25/08/2012 12:10

I was a pretend religion kid - my parents baptised me aged 11, having already been waitlisted, purely to get me into a very good state Catholic school. They told the board and 2 days later I was given a place. Having had friends with kids doing similar things I know this happens a lot. The sad truth is, if your DCs look promising in terms of behaviour and academics they'll most likely be lenient with the specifics - just being baptised in a Christian church is usually enough. Nowadays, as an agnostic I really regret having been baptised at all, but when it comes to schooling the attitude seems to be that where there's a will there's a way.

OneMoreChap · 25/08/2012 12:13

Camusfearna Sat 25-Aug-12 12:00:57
Sorry, OneMoreChap, not quite sure what you mean

It was a Catholic saying she'd need a Dettol bath after going into a CoE church. Not a CoE person saying the reverse.

PenisVanLesbian · 25/08/2012 12:13

You're not really a catholic if you go to a cofe church.

If you're going to be religious why not take it a bit more seriously? It's all very wishy washy.

Annunziata · 25/08/2012 12:20

But they're different! If you are Catholic then you don't believe that CoE is (this is entirely the wrong word but I can't think of another) right. So you're going to CoE to get them into the school, which is wrong.

EdithWeston · 25/08/2012 12:20

How old are the DC?

What will happen if the RC entrance criteria change and attendance is required? It's not uncommon for 3x per month to be the benchmark in some parishes.

The differences between denominations are not that great, and your commitment to Christianity is the important thing.

How about you attend the denomination whose detail and practices are the ones you agree wi theologically, and up your DCs' "chances" by humble prayer for the provision of the right education, whatever that proves to be?

EdithWeston · 25/08/2012 12:25

" It's all very wishy washy."

One could say that sums up CofE perfectly Grin

maybenow · 25/08/2012 12:28

I was raised Catholic in Scotland and later lived in England. While there's a big difference between RC and CofS, I didn't see much differnece between RC and CofE.

BUT I went to a Catholic school and the point was to be part of a community of school and church, you need to be attending the same church as your school is attached to so that you get to know the same priest that visits the school and also the nicest thing is seeing everybody from school at mass and the families getting to know each other better.

So I think you should visit both churches and schools and pick the community that you want to be involved with, not try to straddle both to play the odds.

[p.s. i'm an atheist now as have no faith at all but the thing i miss about this is that sense of church/school community that only comes if you're a genuine church-goer]

Camusfearna · 25/08/2012 12:34

OneMoreChap, I realise that. I was saying that she could have a bit more respect for other people's religions than make comments about CofE having 'women wafting round playing a guitar warbling kumbaya'. That is hardly a complimentary comment re CofE.

Think you've misunderstood me, OneMoreChap.

OneMoreChap · 25/08/2012 12:40

nah, don't think so. She was disrespecting someone else's religion. I now have no faith, don't practice and no longer have a dog in this fight. People should do what they are happy doing to get their children a good start in life.

Camusfearna · 25/08/2012 13:51

Yes, she was disrecting someone else's religion - that's what I am saying. What about some respect for others' beliefs? Don't think it's really the point what your beliefs are - I wasn't discussing that. Really Confused now.