To ask for my money back even though they're having a baby soon?

[SometimesEverything]

I have a bit of a crappy history with my brother and SiL:

link to previous thread

Yes, I know. I didn't have the balls to take my money back then but alot happened over the summer when everyone was busy with fasting and I just put it off.

Today SiL has told me she is pregnant. She is due soon. They still owe me money (£5K). If I asked for the money now, would it seem like I'm being a mean bitch?

Oh and although I am overjoyed that another baby will be coming into the family, I can't help but feel this is another competitive thing for SiL. I told her about my pregnancy when I was 20 weeks due to having loads of previous miscarriages. She's told me at 30 weeks. She is already comparing if she has a boy, how my son will not be the youngest boy in the family anymore. She just told me how her daughters were saying that when the baby was born they will show off and make everyone jealous with pictures . I am scared that my son will be put into a one sided competition by SiL for the rest of his life.

Should I phone DB and tell him we're going into overdraft now, and that we need our money back. We're not in overdraft yet, but can see it happening in the next 3-4 months. I'm still job hunting.

Ah, you're a woman after my own heart, DeckSwabber ...

No, he hasn't replied yet. I think he's playing sports today so may read it later on. I am meeting him tomorrow, so I can discuss it face to face aswell. I'll have DH with me too, so will be a bit stronger to face him.

DeckSwabber - omg! I couldn't say that to her! That would be asking for a full on fight!

Oh she was also asking for my pushchair, which I am still using for DS. He will only be 10 months when her baby comes along, so why the hell would I give her my pushchair?! It's like she wants to strip me of all my baby belongings.

We were told DD2 was a boy, theres yhe penis aaid the aonographet lol until the baby arrives nothing is 100% tell get that and watch the smug face drop.

She sounds like a right piece of work! Re: the baby bits. I'd be inclined to sort out a pile of baby grows that you aren't too fussed about and give them to her. Make it a decent size pile so no one can think you are being mean not to give them to her but do not let her have any of the stuff you'd like to keep for future children. I'm sure if you explained to her about wanting to keep them in case you have any more she would say shed mAke sure you'd get them back and then you'd never see them again!

That is great that you sent the email. You really need to be strong now and stop feeling guilty all the time. You have had some good advice on here. (I love Deckswabbers suggestion ).
If you don't try and get the money back it WILL annoy you and affect your relationship with your brother forever more. I am sure you don't want that.
Good luck and be strong (for your DC's sake, if not your own)

The pushchair too ? No, she's just trying to establish dominance/exert control over you here, demanding asking you to give her stuff that you're not finished with yet. I'm starting to get an image of her in my mind, standing on top of a soapbox beating her breast and shouting "I am the alpha female!" at the top of her lungs. Well - no. Just no. No to the pushchair (I am still using it) and no to the baby clothes (I will need them for my next baby and you will not use them anyway as you will only dress your baby in expensive designer shit anyway ). And no to her attempts to dominate you.

" It's like she wants to strip me of all my baby belongings."
Spot on. She does.

.

My previous flippant suggestion aside...

I wonder if your SiL is struggling with the fact that her family owes you money and is consoling herself with the idea 'you can afford it' - even if you are clearly in need yourself.

I agree its really weird that she is laying claim to stuff you still need if she already has children - most of us make do with what we have, especially when money is tight.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

WhereYouLeftIt, You're absolutely spot on about her being the "alpha female". She tries to control everything. On Thursday, I was asked in a shocked and appalled tone as to why my other brother had phoned me ...I mean I can't even mention talking to my own family to her without her getting all het up.

Tbh, I don't even know why she wants my baby things. When she had her daughters we were told in so many words, that her choice of clothing is better than anyone else's and she doesn't like the clothes people buy for them. So I've never bought the girls clothes as presents, incase my choice is mocked.

DeckSwabber, my nieces are 10 and 8. She's 42 now, so I think she was done with children, but my DS must have made her broody!

Well I still haven't had a reply from DB...I'm meeting him tomorrow, so I guess we will discuss it then. Quite scared, I don't know why!

deckswabber. I didn't think it was a flippant comment, I actually thought it was a good one. The OP is not dealing with normal people and she shouldn't be afraid of doing what it takes to get her and her DC's money back.

I'd like to do everything as politely as possible. Even though I still think they will hate me for asking for the money now.

I agree that you should be polite, if you started being agressive or rude they would then use it as further justification as to why they should keep your money.

IT IS YOUR MONEY YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO ASK FOR IT BACK

SometimesEverything, I'm too lazy to read your other thread , how long have they had your money and what were they originally given it for?

They were given the money 3 years ago. I really hate drip feeding, and I should have mentioned this earlier as well in my other thread that my brother asked me to take out a 15,000 loan as well from my bank account and give him the money. He pays me the loan money back every month or 2 months. Sometimes I have to remind him to put the money back in my account. So really he's taken £20,000 from me.

It was given to him because he has houses on rent and one wasnt being sold so he needed money for mortgages and probably school fees aswell. They have a lot of houses they rent out but we don't know the details as they keep their affairs very hush hush.

Due to your straightened financial circumstances caused by her outstanding debt you cannot pass on any baby stuff to her as you'll be selling it via the NCT, when you are eventually done with it.

Make sure all you serve when hosting dinner is rice and lentils. No keeping up with a parasitic jones here for you!

The email was great. The way she's behaving is just poisinous. As your senior she should be supporting you as a new Mum, and helping you - that's what big sisters do. What she's actually doing is STEALING from you - and quite blatently, by firstly not attempting to repay a big loan and then by trying to openly take your baby boys pushchair etc while he still needs them. She has no shame whatsoever.

Theft is not OK in Pakistani or Islamic culture. She's a disgrace to your brother.

People like this can only be dealt with one way. Firmly and calmly calling them out on their dishonesty and poison.

Please don't ever leave your son alone with her.

£15 K loan
Why, why , why would you have done that. The reason they needed you to arrange the loan will have been that they couldn't get one themselves because the banks WON'T give them one. The banks won't give him a loan because it is too much of a RISK. You and you DH have now taken on this risk. I hope you have got this I writing from him. You can check out the threads in moneysavingexperts on lending money to family. It's depressing reading but will give you advice on what paperwork you should expect from your DB.

Good luck.

I think you should ask for the money back now. You don't need to explain or give a reason.

It sounds like they will treat you negatively in any case, whatever you do. So you may as well get this over with.

Good luck today OP.

Sadly, I cant see this ending with you getting your money back soon you. If they have borrowed 20K off you, who else have they borrowed money from? I think this could just be the tip of their financial iceberg :(

Well when they plead poverty, point out that they have assets (houses) that can be realised (sold) to solve their liquidity problem (scrounging from family members).

Pressure him for the £5k, tell him he needs to set up a standing order for the loan repayment.

Sorry, but your brother sounds well dodgy to me, getting family members to take out large loans for him. He has put you in a vulnerable position. What do your parents say about his dodgy dealings? Are they aware of them? (If not, that could be a useful lever to use against him).

Whereyou I bet they do, I bet he owes them ££££££ too :(

I cannot get past the fact she was devestated becaus she had a second Daughter. What a stupid, stupid notion.

20k

Absolutely he should be paying you back the 5k. Bet he comes up with an excuse though - but you and dh are really going to have to hold firm.

Request for the pram - a flat no, you are still using it and similarly for any clothes that you intend to use on subsquent children.

Just come upstairs to put DS to bed.

Money hasn't been mentioned yet. sil is making comments like how her daughter looked like a boy when she was a baby ...she is com

Completely hung up on this boy/girl thing to the point I am about to break. I just said "no, she looks like a girl. Look at her eyes". She made a face at me.

I might be coming across as a bitch, but I haven't talked about her pregnancy to her, even though she keeps trying to find moments alone with me. This is because my pregnancy was completely blanked by hwe. She never asked how I was, or how things were coming along. Instead she had loads of get togethers at her house and ordered me around infront of her friends to get the drinks/food, Even though I had SPD.

Ugh. Anyway, I'm going to ask my brother if he's got my email when I get a moment alone with him.

Thanks for all the replies everyone.