To think going out with a young baby is really stressful?

[Wigglewoo]

I'm beginning to think I'm the only one who feels like this.

I'm not talking about the essentials like supermarkets or doctors appointments (which is hard enough). I'm talking about "ooh I quite fancy a wander round the shops, I'll go out" type of thing.

My ds is now 10 weeks and everything I've brought in that time has basically been online purchases or essential foodie items. Not once have I felt able to go into town and browse round the clothes shops or even try on a few (desperately needed) new bras...

Maybe I've been unlucky because ds just doesn't sleep longer than 20 mins in a day, save for an hours nap - usually about now- and when he's awake he's not the sort to sit and gawp happily from the buggy and before anyone suggests it, he doesn't like a sling either (tried it and he was most unimpressed)! My dd aged 9 was the same.

When I've talked about this to others they obviously think I'm being daft and don't see why I can't just go out - but where's the fun in going out with a miserable crying baby? Or trying to entertain the baby in the buggy if they are awake whilst frantically trying to look at things in the shop at the same time?? Am I missing something?

Do other people genuinely find it easier than me? I just find my ds crying or being unsettled really stressful and unless I have to go shopping I just can't face it!

Hm. I take your point but my ds really does seem to get bored. He'll play happily under his play gym for 15 mins for example and then get whingey and want to do something else / be cuddled / have a dummy / feed / another look or walk round etc. He always wants to "do" something. He's not a feed and sleep type baby. If I sat with him in the cafe he wouldn't just cuddle with me, he'd feed and then wiggle around getting more and more annoyed unless I walk round endlessly with him or push him back and forward in the pram...

Your mum keeps asking you to go to the shopping centre with her. That is a great opportunity! When I had ds I would never have left the house if it wasn't for mum visiting and treating me to lunches and browsing the charity shops. She was great with her no nonsense approach and would watch him while I got dressed to go out and while I tried things on in the shops. It made me feel a lot more confident and then I was able to do it on my own too.

oh i sympathise my was a catnapper until she was a bit older and never slept easily anywhere but her cot-I used to go out with other mums with babies of he same age and they would sleep the whole time. Used to drive me mad, my dd never slept in the car either so shed be grizzling away in her pushchair and shop assistants would say "oh is she tired she'll sleep in the car now" ER NO she wont-what she will do is scream til she's hysterical and make herself vomit. I learned from that never to assume that all babies are the same.

DS is a catnapper too but he's now 7m old and he really surprises me as to how happy and lovely he is when we are out-he sleeps easily in car and pushchair and charms the socks off pretty ladies when hes not asleep. he's a pleasure to take out and I can happily be with him out all day with breaks for feeds and play.

All i can say is that it will hopefully be easier when your baby is a little older.

It's not healthy to stay in all the time, don't you find it boring? So maybe short trips-simply to go drink a coffee somewhere with a nice baby area to start with?

Our babasling was worse than useless. We got a Moby instead which I loved.

We rarely went out until after Ds was 12weeks or so. Things just seemed to gradually get easier. You are not alone :)

I went everywhere and anywhere I could in the early days, just to get out of the house. It's easier when they are younger as they just sleep and feed. When they get to one it's far harder to get out believe me!

Just grab your bag and go.

Saying that though, i never once went out to a shopping centre with her. I find them dull and boring. Most of my friends used to spend a full 8 hours shopping with their newborns. They were happy just to shop and drink coffee. Try going shopping for an hour on your own....you'll get it all done in an hour what'd take you 8 hours with little one.

Get your partner to take her for a few hours. You will enjoy that time alone.

Try getting out and about to the park or woods too.....maybe that'll build up your confidence a bit? The crying doesnt seem so bad when you are in an open space.

YANBU. It IS stressful! But as you know from having your DD (although I know you were having a horrible time grieving then ) they change so quickly. With every passing week things get a little bit easier.

My 11 month old DS now loves to point at everything and chat to himself when we're out in the buggy. But I remember the squawly early days - so intense, I used to feel so uptight!

Hang in there

I made the same mistake with both my boys. Took them out the buggy when the whinged. Now the second the buggy stops my 15 month old moans and shouts and is generally very impatient.

Yanbu it IS very stressful!

I used to feel the same

Especially when I had my eldest DS (20yrs) because there was no online shopping, buggies had to be folded on the buses, no changing facilities in shops and no such thing as P&C spaces.

Obviously I used to just get on with it, but there was no 'pleasure' in shopping for the first few months.

It does get better but it seems to take an age before it does!

YANBU BUT you are going to have to get used to it. All my kids scream as soon as I walk over the threshold of a shop unless its a toy shop. My days of shopping are over and I look like a bag woman now. I have to schedule a 1 hour shopping trip 4 weeks in advance. It's a nightmare .

I used to find it really stressful, when they were babies they cried, when tiny toddlers used to struggle against the straps and as soon as my dd1 was old enough to stand, she used to run away all the time.

I soon realised that 20min essential food shopping was the limit of our endurance.

I also used to look at people strolling around clothes shops with lovely contented little children in buggies and wonder where I'd gone wrong.

I started clothes shopping more seriously when I got my mum to come over and mind my two (one of whom had really terrible separation anxiety and so used to howl the entire time I was gone).

But now (children66 and 8) I am a normal human, go to work, even go to the shops for a while, it is just a phase and will pass (keep repeating!)

Oh, OP.

You're not being unreasonable at all! But I wonder if it depends on the baby. I found it INCREDIBLY stressful going out with DD when she was very young. I used to take her for a long walk every morning as it was the only way she would sleep. It required rigorous planning and I used to panic any time a friend suggested they join us. She would just roar, and I remember pacing up and down the seafront with gritted teeth, trying to hold a conversation...and then another time (when she was 10 weeks old if I recall correctly) I tried to feed her in a busy cafe and although she never refused the boob she jerked away from it violently to scream and exposed me to the whole place. It's stressful, it's upsetting, and I always felt sweaty and flustered. Why did DD cry so much, why would she not sleep serenely in her pram like the young babies of the yummy mummies I saw...why would she not take a FECKING DUMMY!

Please do believe that the sound of your baby crying isn't half as mortifying or upsetting to others as it is to yourself. No-one thinks you're weird, no-one thinks your baby is horrible and even if he is absolutely screeching the only thing anybody might think is 'god, I remember those days, glad they're over'. I know that doesn't help. It's so stressful, I know.

DD is now 7mo and is now an angel when taken out, by the way - has been since she was about 5mo.

Course it's bloody stressful! You are definitely NBU.

YANBU. My LO was great in the buggy and loved being out and about, but it's the hassle of getting buggy in and out of changing rooms, or taking baby in with you and lying them on floor while trying stuff on, it's having to find lifts to get up and down floors, I hated it. Only thing to do is leave LO for an hour or two with OH or GP and get out on your own!

I still don't like it now she's a toddler - she loves and it and finds it really good fun, but she grabs clothes, again gets bored if I want to try clothes on and eventually gets bored quite quickly (and I don't blame her - I don't take OH clothes shopping for the same reason - it is boring for bystanders!).

I don't understand these parents who take toddlers with them and then get really angry with them when they inevitably get bored and shout at them 'will you stand still' 'I've warned you already' etc etc.

YANBU. It is stressful. Saying that, dd was a brilliant baby and I remember hitting the January sales when she was 2 months and staying out for 4 hours shopping and browsing loads of times. DS is a nightmare though and is very clingy and active. He won't stay in his pushchair and watch the world go by, oh no! He has to try and touch everything and be at adult height to enjoy an outing. He's only 7 months and I've yet to go to the shops for a long browse. Grocery shops and essential shopping has to be done in double quick time before he starts getting restless.

Could be your friends have babies like my dd. Or they might be lying

Disclaimer - obvsiously I appreciate there are some parents who have no choice but to take sprogs, but it's the couples who go out together clothes shopping or with GPs etc and screaming at their sprogs who make me wonder why put yourselves through it?!

Supermarkets, big branches of M&S and Mothercare all usually have changing and feeding areas. DS is 14 weeks now and I find it's very reassuring to know they're there if I need a pit stop. But yeah, I do miss a leisurely look around the shops for clothes! Could you do a bit of research online and then go out and buy, so you know what you're looking for?

Some children just are more placid. I used to watch the mums and grannies out with little toddlers holding hands walking along thinking how do they do that? Mine would refuse to hold a hand, drop to the floor, scream, or start sprinting off. In the end I got reins (and tough) but browsing in clothes shops had to wait a few years, because although I could do it if I planned it like a military operation and was quite strict, it wasn't actually fun. My dd2 was better, and I did used to go to a quiet shop on a morning and try on clothes with her playing in the changing rooms.

Very stressful, and my DD was very easy as a newborn, used to sleep for long stretches. But still, the sheer logistics of getting all the paraphernalia out of the house and having to do feeds/nappy changes on the go ... Very hard work. If baby crying then double the stress. Didn't really get much easier until she could walk fairly well, around 18 months. I do food shopping online now and other shopping in my lunch hour now I'm back at work. :)

I remember this, I found it really stressful whilst other people I know just seemed to be able to get on with it. My child never did just 'adjust' as a very high needs, and demanding child, could (and did) scream indefinitely. The world was never entertaining enough!

Give yourself time, 10weeks is very early days still, and no, you're not the only one who feels/felt like this

YANBU. I think there is research that shows that parents do have very different stress responses to their babies cries i.e. some people just do find exhibit much more significant stress responses when they hear their baby even grizzle than others. That is not to say the less-stressed parents do a worse job. They don't. They may even be calmer and more consistent. But we can't necessarily control how we feel in response to our newborn babies crying and some of us do find even mild fussiness excruciating.

I was definitely in that camp. I just gave up going shopping, I've been about twice in the 2 years. DD wears a combo of presents, stuff made by a crafty friend and hand-me-downs. I wear old clothes. That doesn't really help does it. But you are normal and so are all the people who were able to just go shopping and so are all their babies too.

OP I found it incredibly stressful. DD napped well in the buggy but when she was awake she hated being in the buggy. Cried all the time in it, hated slings, hated being picked up and cuddled too. I used to only take her out when I was certain she would fall asleep and even then I had to keep the buggy moving at a reasonable pace otherwise she would wake up - so no browsing in shops for me. Very stressful and like you I thought everyone was staring at and judging me when she screamed (remember, picking her up and hugging her never calmed her). She became much more comfortable in the buggy once she could sit up unaided. Now at 4 she loves her cuddles and loves going out (no more buggy!).

OP your DS is only 10 weeks. At that age my DD was a wriggler/whinger after a few minutes activity. She was an easy baby though but at that age you can't expect a baby to be content doing one thing for longer than a few minutes. FWIW my 4yo now can concentrate on one thing for up to 30 mins and can play on her own for, often, an hour without needing me. She's lovely.

I think it depends on the baby... of course you will get lots of... oh just put them in the pram and go replies and that is ok for some people, but if you have a child that doesnt sleep and cries most of the time they are awake, then yes it is stressfull.

It also depends on where you live, for some people popping to the shops is juts that, for others it involves a trek of 20/30 odd miles. Just do what you feel is right for you, at a pace that is right for you

PS...and remember its not forever...its just a few short months and things will start to get better