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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave my 4 year old for a week?

42 replies

calypso2008 · 24/08/2012 08:33

I live abroad and my best friend (who I haven't seen for years) is getting married.
The way the flights work I would have to go to the UK for a week and stay with my sister beforehand. AIBU to leave DD fo a week for what is in effect a complete jolly for me? I don't get to see family or friends hardly ever and really want to go but feel selfish. DH would be in charge, DD would be at school during the week, DH is not normally very 'hands on'. Should I go?

OP posts:
Xroads · 24/08/2012 08:34

Yes go, if your dd is 4 and your dh isn't hands on then its about time he learnt!

Xroads · 24/08/2012 08:36

If it were the other way round would he go?

EdithWeston · 24/08/2012 08:37

YANBU to leave a 4 year old.

YABVU to assume incompetence (or whatever) from DH or to imply he's a lesser parent, or to think there is anything wrong in a child being with their own father.

TanteRose · 24/08/2012 08:37

GO! your DH and DD will be fine

TheOneWithTheHair · 24/08/2012 08:39

I've done it. It was great for me and no physical or psychological damage to my family.

NumericalMum · 24/08/2012 08:40

Unless you are Leaving her alone or something terrible, why would you be unreasonable to leave her for a week with her other parent?

Original poster
calypso2008 · 24/08/2012 08:40

Thank you Xroads and Edith Yes, he would go - he is going away for a week next month on his own.

It's not that I assume incompetence from DH it's just that he really leaves it all to me normally, it is a negotiation to get an hour off. I just feel a bit anxious about it. Bit isolated here and always with DD 24/7.

OP posts:
Original poster
calypso2008 · 24/08/2012 08:41

Thanks for the other replies, I feel a bit more sure now!
Thank you.

OP posts:
thebeesnees79 · 24/08/2012 08:44

I wouldn't personally leave my children for a full week with anyone. I know my dh is more than capable of looking after our children however I would not feel comfortable being away from them for that length of time. personal choice.

youonlysingwhenyourewinning · 24/08/2012 08:46

It's entirely up to you.

I wouldn't, but that's me. I've been overnight without my 5yo and missed her massively, so wouldn't go for any longer if I had a choice.

That said, if I didn't have a choice (work etc), then I would have to go, and I don't think its unreasonable to do so.

Your dd will be fine, and your dh needs to pull his finger out of his arse and get more 'hands on'!

Halbanoo · 24/08/2012 08:48

If your DH is willing, then I don't see why not.

Am a bit Envy, btw. I also have a 4 y.o. and DH leaves us for a week every other month--sometimes business, sometimes pleasure. I would LOVE to have an opportunity like that.

ThePigOnTheWall · 24/08/2012 08:51

Go! Have a wonderful time! Grin

Yanbu at all. In fact I cannot get my head around this "I can't be away from my child for more than 6 hours" malarky at all. But hey, each to their own

Original poster
calypso2008 · 24/08/2012 08:52

That's the thing youonlysing and beesnees I just feel a bit anxious about it - I will miss her so much.
Thank you for replying. Smile

OP posts:
rowingdowntheriver · 24/08/2012 08:53

Go and have a fantastic time!

You never know, the week that your DH spends with DC may encourage him to be more hands on in future so that you don't need to negotiate for an hour off!

Original poster
calypso2008 · 24/08/2012 08:53

ThePig Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
calypso2008 · 24/08/2012 08:54

Thanks rowing - you may be right, also, he may appreciate more what I do on a day to day basis!

OP posts:
rowingdowntheriver · 24/08/2012 08:56

Ps. I have a 17 month old DS and have left him with DH for the odd weekend and have left him with my parents DH and I have the occasional long weekend away. I can't see that any harm has been done. Quite the opposite in fact - great break for me and a chance for him to strengthen his relationship with others.

ThePigOnTheWall · 24/08/2012 08:56

See calypso, it's a win win situation Grin

AFishCalledRhonda · 24/08/2012 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juneau · 24/08/2012 08:57

I would feel anxious too as my DH is never the go-to parent for our kids. He works long hours, travels often and is quite clueless about what they eat, when the little one naps, how to keep them happy and entertained. He tends to just stick the older one in front of the TV unless I suggest things.

But no, YANBU. Just because you have kids doesn't mean that you're never allowed to leave them for a few days. Go. Your DH and DD will figure it out and you'll be at the end of the phone if needed.

ThePigOnTheWall · 24/08/2012 08:58

How depressing it is to read how clueless some men are with their kids Sad

SoHHKB · 24/08/2012 08:58

As a single parent with a shared care arrangement I spend whole weeks without my dd (6) far more often than I would like to. It's taken me a long time to get used to my occasional 'freedom' but I've learnt to make the most of it Wink
Be prepared to feel a bit teary yourself, especially when you've done the smiley and reassuring fighting back tears goodbye and don't be surprised if you feel a bit Sad randomly through the week... But do your best to lose the guilt and have a great time - dh and especially dd will probably find the separation far easier than you!! Wink Good luck Smile

EdithWeston · 24/08/2012 09:00

"Bit isolated here and always with DD 24/7"

I think you really need to get away from time to time. This, as a major event, will (I hope) spur you into doing so; then when you see your DD is absolutely fine and you realise how much everyone benefits from a bit of a break, you will think about a few more mini breaks when it suits you in future.

FreudianSlipper · 24/08/2012 09:01

go and let yourself have a good time

yes you will miss her (i miss ds terribly after a fwe days have no choice in the mattrer as his dad and i are not together) but i make sure i make the most of my time rather than just dwelling on how much i miss him. its good for you both (i believe) and will be good for the dd and dh's relationship

HappyAsChips · 24/08/2012 09:02

YABVU to worry that your child may not be okay with her own father! Hmm

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