AIBU to leave my 4 year old for a week?

[calypso2008]

I live abroad and my best friend (who I haven't seen for years) is getting married.
The way the flights work I would have to go to the UK for a week and stay with my sister beforehand. AIBU to leave DD fo a week for what is in effect a complete jolly for me? I don't get to see family or friends hardly ever and really want to go but feel selfish. DH would be in charge, DD would be at school during the week, DH is not normally very 'hands on'. Should I go?

Thanks juneau and SoHHKB, yes, I am the 'go-to' parent for sure. For example he has never given her a bath or cleaned her teeth etc etc... that's alway been 'my job' - I don't mind at all, that's the thing. But really want to go to this and see my sister as feel I am cutting myself off so much from my old life IYSWIM.

I think it is time he pulled his weight though.

AFish yep, I think I might be a bit like you at the wedding. Think I have to harden up a bit.

I disagree HappyAsChips. In an ideal world all parents would be competent but sadly that's not always the case. I'm sure op's dh will do a fine job and it will be great for all of them but it would be unusual for the op not to worry a bit.

Don't beat yourself up about 'hardening up' - just collect lots of lovely memories of the wedding to tell your dd about. Take photos of the 'lady in the pretty dress', as well as of any other things you see that might interest her.
And anyway, people always cry at weddings...

Even us mums are allowed to go on 'jolly' weekends. Go & have fun.

I miss my dd all the time even when shes only at school but i would go. Its good to get away every now & then.

Thanks TheOneWithTheHair you have summed it up perfectly.

Thanks Freudian and WildWorld and everone else for your replies.

I better take DD to the pool now. You have all helped me make up my mind to go and to try not to feel guilty/worried.

Thank you! (Don't have any people to run this by with in RL) just my sister who is biased!

DH would be in charge

Are you one of these 'superior' parents then? It is his child-he isn't a babysitter. Go and enjoy it!

calypso go for it! I live in a similar situation (but have 3DCs) and a couple of times I've come back to the UK for 10 days or more leaving at least one DC behind. They'll be fine.

You're welcome.

Best case scenario would be that your DH learns to be a bit more hands on after a week where he is in charge. I remember being left with my dad sometimes when my mother had a (rare) day out and while it was a bit chaotic and the meals were rather ad hoc, it was always fun and I loved spending time with my dad.

Definitely go and enjoy yourself! DH and DD will be fine!

I have to do that too sometimes and we also started skyping with DD when she was a bit older.

It will allow DH to see the amount of work you're doing and hopefully be more willing to help!

Go, set up Skype and talk to her on the computer, so she can see you while you are away, and see her relatives on the screen too. Brilliant way to involve her, and see her too. Stop feeling guilty, he will cope, and have a greater understanding of what it's like to do your job - it could actually improve things, it might well make him become a lot more hands on if he gets to do more for your DD. Enjoy yourself!

X-post about Skype!

Go go go, even if yourDD ends up eating chips all week and having a few late bedtimes she'll survive.

I don't have DC but my sister, who does and I go away for a long weekend or more every year since her 2 were 1 & 3. They don't bat an eye lid now, are aware that thier Mum is a person inher own right and see it as a treat to have Daddy all to themselves, even though he tends to be stricter.

They'll have a ball, you'll feel better for some you time win/ win

YANBU

If you're like me, you'll enjoy it but still feel guilty though. I went with df to Cyprus when ds1 was 18m leaving him with my mam for a week. My youngest brother was 6 at the time so ds1 had a great time and we are a close family, even though I throughly enjoyed my week away I still felt guilty and 11 years later still feel a smidgy bit guilty.

Enjoy the time to just be able to do what you want when you want without having to worry about anyone else

I have always MADE my DC's fathers be as involved as possible, right from the start - I don't think I bathed my DS3 more than twice until he was 4mo and my Ex left, it was his job. Even when he comes round to see DS3 twice a week after work, he still baths him, sorts his bottles, cuddles him when he hurts himself or has a tantrum etc. Start as you mean to go on, I say, getting the dad involved right from the start! Ok he couldn't help with feeding till DS3 was 1yo, as he was bf and I struggled to express (managed fine with the older 3 so was for me!), but he still changed nappies, bathed etc.

Now, even though we have been separated for nearly 15 months, he is still very involved with DS3, I have no worries about leaving the two of them together.

ds went away for 4 days a few months ago when he got back i told him i missed him lots then asked if he missed me he replied no not really mummy

serves me right for needing him to reassure me, i know he missed me though :) just not as much as i missed him :)