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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re 13 yr old DD and male friend in her bedroom

32 replies

sensuallettuce · 23/08/2012 14:08

I am at work and OH at home with 5 of our children (we have none together he is not DD's dad).

DD has a best mate who is a boy who she asked if she could invite round - I said fine as long as ok with OH.

He has just phoned asking if DD's friend is allowed in her bedroom as he has told them to go downstairs (where there is little peace from the younger kids).

I said its fine as they are just friends and tbh I can't see what they would get up to there that they couldn't do elsewhere (ie - the park) if they really wanted to.

OH says he's not comfortable with it while he's in the house (in charge as such) but I feel a bit sorry for DD (who I do trust).

Argh!! AIBU?!

OP posts:

BlackberryIce · 23/08/2012 14:09

I agree with your dp!

alienreflux · 23/08/2012 14:11

no yanbu. You know your daughter best, and you trust her. also,13 yr olds don't want to hang around all the other kids do they? and as long as they behave where's the harm?

MissFaversam · 23/08/2012 14:12

I think it's perfectly fine for your daughter to have her "friend" in the bedroom with her. My DS is 14 and has an equal amount of friends from both genders and I see nothing wrong with any of them going to his room.

BlackberryIce · 23/08/2012 14:13

I can see your dp's point of view.... He is in charge, should be his call

Hopeforever · 23/08/2012 14:14

It's day time, they know any of the other kids could walk in any time. I'd say it was OK

LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops · 23/08/2012 14:14

Door open maybe? But DP's call for sure if he's looking after them.

Harrypie · 23/08/2012 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonBreeland · 23/08/2012 14:15

If your DP is so sure of his thoughts on the matter, why did he call you to ask your opinion? (That he then ignored anyway)

NameChangeGalore · 23/08/2012 14:16

Keep the door open then.

hlipop · 23/08/2012 14:16

i agree with Loopy have door open - it seems to be the middle ground?

NameChangeGalore · 23/08/2012 14:16

And tell him to keep going up to offer drinks and snacks

Original poster

sensuallettuce · 23/08/2012 14:17

Yes I suggested door open and check in every now and then - I agree if he is not comfortable it would be wrong to overrule him.

I guess he was also a teenage boy

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2012 14:19

NameChangeGalore are you my DM? She used to some in with crisps (which I was never otherwise allowed) every time I had a male friend over. I think she thought I couldn't kiss them with a mouth full of crisps. They were all just friends (the BFs were kept secret!).

wigglesrock · 23/08/2012 14:22

I don't get what the big deal is - he's her friend - you describe him as a best mate - do you think they're going out?

As MrsTerryPratchett said boyfriends were never invited home in my house anyway

Mrsjay · 23/08/2012 14:22

My dd is 14 her best friend is a boy they have no interest in each other 'that' way You oh is being a bit ott about it girls and boys can be friends without being all over each other at any opportunity, YANBU at all , MY dd is in her friends house while his mum works we are not worried they talk about Batman and comic books, you know your daughter best imo

TheCunningStunt · 23/08/2012 14:25

When I was 13 my best friend was a boy. I stayed over at his house lots. We slept in the same room...sometimes the same bed. Nothing ever happened. He was my best friend. 20 years on he is still my best friend. Neither set of parents had an issue. I was grateful to have such cool parents as friend is still my rock.

I suppose it helped he was the most flamboyant kid in school. I just thought he was pretty out there....but of course, he came out as gay at 17. I think my parents "knew" this. Hence the no issue. I hope my dd finds such a friend!

Talk to your dd? Get her to set the rules, as long as they are reasonable?

NoCarbsBeforeBarbs · 23/08/2012 14:26

Tough Decision.

i was allowed my 'boy-friend' in my room at that age, it was fine because my Mum used to send my 7year old brother up every 20 minutes or so to spy.

Every 20 minutes-result ;-)

AND i was a very quiet shy 13yr old :-)

mirry2 · 23/08/2012 14:26

Yes you are bu. I remember what I got up to at 13, so I say no, unless you're fine with kissing and heavy petting.

Original poster

sensuallettuce · 23/08/2012 14:27

I think DD's friend may also be gay - but I feel it's a bit un PC to make this point but my feelings would be the same if I didn't suspect this.

OP posts:

Pickles77 · 23/08/2012 14:28

I would say door open is fine but unfortunately I know someone's dd that's pg at 14...

complexnumber · 23/08/2012 14:30

I remember having opposite sex friends over for the first time when I was a little older than the OP's daughter.

We were chatting and I predicted that in about 10 minutes my mum will come in with some nicely cut peanut butter sandwiches. When she did exactly that they found it almost impossible to stifle giggles.

I felt rather bad about it after, she was really just trying to make them feel welcome.

Mrsjay · 23/08/2012 14:31

maybe he doesnt know he is gay himself yet , My friend throughprimary and high school is gay and my friend I bonded instantly with at college is gay , i seem to attract the gays ( that was a joke )

your daughter and this boy they are friends first and foremost

ColourMeWithChaos · 23/08/2012 14:31

Terry my mum used to do the crisps thing too!

When I was first going out with my DH (we were 14) he used to come over my house a lot cause we live in the middle of nowhere and there is feck all to do and my mother used to always come in with bowls of cheese and onion crisps. Sometimes steak and onion. Basically anything that would give me rank breath.

HeadfirstOverTheHighJump · 23/08/2012 14:32

I would say okay so long as they left the door wide open.

I had boys in my bedroom as a teen, I wouldn't have dreamed of having sex with one with a parent in the house!

HeadfirstOverTheHighJump · 23/08/2012 14:33

Most of my male friends were gay too!

The ones I shagged my dad never laid eyes on

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