to think anniversarys and birthdays are important?

[Kizza2]

it seems there are some people on these forums who dont celebrate anniversaries- i am shocked

surly every year u spend together is special and needs to be celebrated?

since the kids came, we havent gone all but we do always get each other a card and a small gift. Nothing too expensive, maybe a book, a DVD, just a small token of something the other might like to celebrate the time we have spent together- been 8 years now.

AIBU to think that events like birthdays and anniversaries and xmas should be celebrated and husbands and wives have to get each other something?

i wouldnt care if my husband got me a diamond ring or a mug....but a token of something to show that he still thinks its worthy to spoil me now and again.

i just feel that if u stop making the effort with anniversaries, then it will be birthdays and then it will seem like its not worth making the effort at all about anything.....if my husband didnt think i was worth spending a bit of time and effort on, i would wonder why i was still with him. And if he forgot my birthday, i will be devestated

I don't care about birthdays and anniversaries. But I don't think it's BU to care either.

Actually want to add that I think "a card and a small gift. Nothing too expensive, maybe a book, a DVD, just a small token of something" are all a waste of money. Cards, books and DVDs are all clutters in the house. Same with most gifts. But I don't buy any holiday souvenirs either.

My DH spends time and effort with our family every day. I don't need a card or a mug to show me he still cares. The most loving gestures are those given spontaneously IMO.

They're important to me, but I appreciate that not everyone feels the same. Different strokes and all that.

I think it's a mix.

My husband of 5 years has always been pretty rubbish but after year 3 of marriage he did get better as he knows how much it means to me.

Not to get stuff. I don't care about jewellery etc. But we go out for a 'proper' meal on our anniversary every year - I even got flowers delivered this year which was a nice surprise.

I did him a little anniversary hamper - had a dvd, magazine, chocolate, mug etc. He loved it & it only cost me about £30 - same people spend on an aftershave or Tshirt.

I just want to know he cares. I'd rather for example he plan something to do then buy me something.

I'm one of these people of which you speak!

I don't do my birthday at all (am a bit superstitious about it tbh ), but I will celebrate others if that's what they want and makes them happy, but am really very suspicious of people who get really precious about it once they're over 18.

Don't do anniversarys at all, I'm not married but have a vague notion of the season we got it together and when we moved in together over a decade ago, but am not really fussed and neither is he.

Christmas - I love the atmosphere and meaning of it, but there have been a couple of years when I've just not been bothered and haven't really done much at all for it beyond a roast dinner and obligatory presents.

That all makes me sound miserable, but I promise I'm not, I still enjoy making a fuss and giving people presents etc. I'm just more of a 'just because' kind of person.

I have to think for a minute to remember my anniversary, so does he. We don't celebrate it.

We don't do much for birthdays either, except the kids' ones.

Yabu to assume that that is the mark of a relationship that is destined for the toilet!

I don't care. Neither does DH (which is lucky, as otherwise one of us would be really pissed off twice a year). This year we both forgot our anniversary! But I agree with OneLittleToddlingTerror, its not BU to care. I also think different families place different importance on these things, which colour how you continue to view them.

Children's birthdays however .. VERY important, and I get very narked with various relatives (close, ie aunts, grandparents) who forget the DC.

We don't celebrate anniversaries, last year we both forgot entirely, it doesn't mean we don't care, I would rather have all the little things he does through the year for me than have an anniversary present. As for birthdays and xmas, tbh with some of the things he has got me I would have been better off with nothing. We have said this year we aren't going to bother with xmas, its so expensive anyway the last thing we need is the extra pressure of buying each other a present.

to assume that that is the mark of a relationship that is destined for the toilet!

its not a mark of a relationship...but like someone mention, a meal together or maybe even sharing a glass of wine together alone. Is that a sign the relationship is destined for ruin?

The most loving gestures are those given spontaneously IMO

but we work every day, we have kids, we get tied down in every day things and we are tired, stressed...but when its our anniversary, we both get excited- we usually the day off work and spend it together, two years go he took me to Paris as a surprise (before the DC came)- its childish but its 'our day' and we celebrate together and have done every year.

Cards, books and DVDs are all clutters in the house. Same with most gifts. But I don't buy any holiday souvenirs either.

thats sad, i love all my books and still keep all my cards. we also have holiday souveniers, including a giant dodo i got for him on our honeymoon, i dont think they are clutter at all- when i see it, i remember our honeymoon and how wonderful it was

My parents have been together 30 years and every year- on July 17th, they go for a meal, get each other cards and a small gift. They also get birthday and xmas cards.....they have done that every year for 30 years ........is there marriage down the toilet too?

The important thing is that you recognise whether your partner and friends think celebrations are important and act accordingly.

I think it is important and he acts accordingly- and i am never disappointed with his presents, he knows me well enough to know what i will like- and sometimes for birthdays he just asks me- think year i told him i will like to go to a musical and dinner and i know he will sort that out. i also mentioned i will like the new Marc Jacobs perfume....which i know he will also get me.

Meh. If you don't believe your husband loves you unless he brings gifts regularly, there's not much foundation to the relationship

Fuck sharing a glass of wine. The wine is mine. All mine.

Meh. If you don't believe your husband loves you unless he brings gifts regularly, there's not much foundation to the relationship

are birthdays, anniversaries and xmas regular? surly they are special times....?

I am sorry to hear that people dont think anniversaries and birthdays are important....this year for anniversary (the DC went to my MIL) he got me roses, we went out for a meal and spent the evening in bed- its our special day and we make the effort every year and we get excited about it- the day we stop making the effort, the day i know we dont care enough about one another.

Kizza, I do view cards, books and DVDs as clutter. Sorry. Espeically books and DVDs.

Why do you think electronic music and now books has become so popular. Interesting you don't mention CDs. Do you still buy CDs? Is that just showing you haven't adapted to the virtual for print and video? Amazon now sell more e-books than physical books. You are probably a minority (ie less than 50%) of the people who still treasure a physical book, given more than 50% now prefer to buy the virtual version. I'm a much happier person now that DH got himself a kindle. I've been waging war on his ever growing bookcase forever. The books gather dust, and are seldom re-read. So what is the point of them in the house?

Same with DVDs, we never re-watch them. If you have a large collection, how do you even find them on the shelves? I much prefer them on the NAS, or streamed via lovefilm/netflix.

I can see cards having more sentimental value. But tbh, I'd rather receive a tablet for my birthday . It's the latest thing I want. But I don't expect DH to go and fork out £160 for every occassion that's supposed to be celebrated. Like someone elses say, I'd rather it be the small gestures he does daily for me.

Kizza we do random shit like that all the time.

All the time. We're always in bed feeding each other strawberries.

Kizza, I think lottiegarbanzo sums it up nicely. "The important thing is that you recognise whether your partner and friends think celebrations are important and act accordingly."

I think all those gifts you mention are a waste of money sorry. The roses, the chocolates, etc. I'm glad DH has the sense not to buy them for me. And I don't see the point of me hinting what DH should give me for a birthday. If I want a Marc Jacobs perfume, I'd already have ordered it online.

I still value books- i have re read Jane Austen many many times, I have all of Minette Walters which i have re read many a times and the Velvetine Rabbit has always been a favourite- my mum got me it when i was 10. I dont see them as clutter. I have an ipod...but not too much into music.

But I don't expect DH to go and fork out £160 for every occassion that's supposed to be celebrated.

i dont either...but roses, a meal out...thats not going to cost £160 is it? and i think its reasonable for a birthday present. i got my DH a 3D camcorder for his last birthday, time before that i got him a shirt- his birthday is April so i guess it depends on how reasonable the tax man has been

I dont keep the cards(except the kids birth cards),they come down after 7 days but Im not going to pass up a new pair shoes,nice perfume or a bottle of wine.

I like celebrating special occasions,not just for the presents,its something we get to do together as a couple or a family

But equally as some people like having set days in the year to make the effort, some people such as myself are quite happy with a spontaneous day to either be spoiled or spoil a loved one.

I agree it's sad if you never get the chance, but some people don't mind and some people are happy not having it set in stone.

I have to say I like the flexibility of been able to choose a day/s (who's keeping count after all!) that I can make special, the theatre strikes me as a good example, if I only got to choose that as a special outing on my birthday i'd be stuck with pantomimes forever more! Even the bloody ballet is always the nutcracker that time of year!

With 2 small kids we use birthdays as an excuse to have some time alone, make an effort and its very important to us. But we are the sort of family who celebrate everything so there's always a reason for a party DH found it weird when we met but now he's pleased we make a fuss of these things because the kids have fab memories of all the family get togethers and celebrations. Anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, Fridays - they all get celebrated in my house!

They are important to you, we get it. You like to have physical tokens as mementos because that's how your memory works and you choose to imbue these things with emotional significance, fine.

But, as you've hinted, your particular approach to the celebration of birthdays was taught to you by your family. Other families do things differently.

The important thing is to recognise how others wish things to be done and do something they'll appreciate, to show that you care about them. Thinking everyone else should treasure cuddly toys because you do is just as unreasonable as thinking that everyone else should ignore birthdays if you are not interested in your own.

Someone else's birthday / anniversary is all about that other person, it's not about you.

If you enjoy celebrating 'special days' then good for you.

But why do you care what other couples do? I'm terrible at dates, not remotely bothered about my birthday or 'getting stuff', and don't 'do' anniversaries...I'm sorry if that makes you sad, but I promise you my marriage is fine and I am happy!

(DH does buy me presents btw, despite me telling him not to!)

Kizza the difference between us. I don't want chocolates or roses. I want a nexus 7 tablet at the moment. That costs £160. I want a new macbook, that'll be £1500. I don't see meal out as special. I go out to eat when I want to go out to eat.

As for books, I'm into books and music. But you can squeeze much more onto a kindle/tablet and a iphone. You have your entire collection on the go with you. I'm so glad to see the death of CDs. You can buy all the fictions as ebook already. I'm waiting for the day when cookbooks are widely available as e-books. I've seen some of the new e-book cookbooks, and they are so good. For example, a famous blogger one has videos accompanying a lot of the recipes.