to think anniversarys and birthdays are important?

[Kizza2]

it seems there are some people on these forums who dont celebrate anniversaries- i am shocked

surly every year u spend together is special and needs to be celebrated?

since the kids came, we havent gone all but we do always get each other a card and a small gift. Nothing too expensive, maybe a book, a DVD, just a small token of something the other might like to celebrate the time we have spent together- been 8 years now.

AIBU to think that events like birthdays and anniversaries and xmas should be celebrated and husbands and wives have to get each other something?

i wouldnt care if my husband got me a diamond ring or a mug....but a token of something to show that he still thinks its worthy to spoil me now and again.

i just feel that if u stop making the effort with anniversaries, then it will be birthdays and then it will seem like its not worth making the effort at all about anything.....if my husband didnt think i was worth spending a bit of time and effort on, i would wonder why i was still with him. And if he forgot my birthday, i will be devestated

I mean meal out on special days. I do it when I feel like it! It's more spontaneous. I think someone else on the thread say it so much more eloquently than me.

I think all those gifts you mention are a waste of money sorry. The roses, the chocolates, etc. I'm glad DH has the sense not to buy them for me. And I don't see the point of me hinting what DH should give me for a birthday. If I want a Marc Jacobs perfume, I'd already have ordered it online.

thats really sad, im sorry. I dont think i can do that, we look fwd to birthdays/anniversaries/xmas.....like i mentioned, my parents have celebrated these things for 30 years and have been happy and together- i guess i hold these things important and it has worked for us for the past 8 years

I always give presents for weddings and parties that i am going to, cash if wanted. It pisses me off that many on MN make giving a gift about themselves.

I don't think that children can have a sense of entitlement, that is often spouted on here, they should get presents.

But, i would rather not 'do' Christmas for adults, my DP's family won't accept this and i have to spend a fortoune and get stuff in return that i don't want.

I love gettimg together with them and take time to do that with people that mean something to me, which i think is more important than gift or card giving.

I would, from an environmental aspect like to see all this card and not needed gift buying die out.

I do it when I feel like it!

we dont have that luxory sadly...we wait till pay day or special occasions. i guess if i was wealthy enough i will celebrate every day and eat out on a whim and it will cease to be special- but because we wait for it, we anticipate and save for it- it makes it special for us.

so yes, i guess we are different

Well personally I don't care if other people celebrate anniversaries or not - but DH and I always do by going away somewhere for a couple of days on our own.

There is no way I would pass up the excuse for a dirty weekend away without the DC every year

Having said that, we have enough disposable income to have meals out and go to any shows that we choose to.

If you are a bit 'boged down' with life, then i agree that doing those things keeps the spark alive.

One of the most random presents that i loved from my DH (now widowed) was a goldfish, after i miscarried, which showed he could match presents to my likes.

He bought me random flowers, though, as well, all of the time.

Birdsgottafly I really agree with the Christmas sentiment. I'd rather it be about getting the family together. As I said already here, the things I want most wouldn't give me as a gift, and I wouldn't expect it either. Because they are expensive. Anything small, I'd have bought it and therefore already own it anyway. I don't like cards because of the environmental aspect. And most cards, tbh, took the sender less than a minute to write, with only names on them. Hardly something worth treasuring.

But I understand for some the special days are a very important thing.

If you and your DH both think anniversaries are important and you like to celebrate - great. Me and DH really don't care about that, but I don't think our relationship is therefore inferior. We spoil each other whenever we feel like doing so. I don't like the pressure that oh I definitely have to do something tomorrow because it's the anniversary/birthday/Valentines.

So YABU to think anniversaries should be important to everybody.

YABU it's up to every couple to do what works best for them, not for you to dictate what they should do. I think if you need a 'special day' to celebrate a year together/get flowers/small gifts etc then you are being short changed. We don't need them because we share that love every day of the year.

For us it's definitely financially more sensible to match the things we want to do/see/eat to any day rather than limit ourselves to certain times of the year. We're certainly not well off by anyone's standards poor emoticon so still save and plan.

Taking a boozy brunch picnic to the local park with the Sunday newspapers isn't really suitable for valentines is it? But what if you have nothing to celebrate during the summer?

I agree with the notion that it neither formal or informal celebrations are in any better than the other, it's definately about what people are happy with and respecting that. I'd never not give a birthday or christmas card to people who obviously put a lot of importance on those dates.

Just to add thinking about it because of this thread and another one going at the moment, I sometimes think formal dates can lead to expectations and disappointments and insults that are completely unintentional - I'd just rather avoid that tbh.

YANBU to feel your anniversary, or your birthday, or your childrens/partners/families birthdays are important.

YABU to say that other people should feel the same. It's none of your business whether other people celebrate christmas, Some people don't like it, some people follow a religion that doesn't celebrate it, some people have family who died (My mums mum died on christmas day) and want to spend the day in quiet.

Also, If you don't celebrate Eid, thanksgiving etc then you're being hypocritical expecting everyone else to celebrate christmas.

Out of interest, particularly for those of you who don't mark anniveraries, how long have you been together? I'm guessing that there isn't any link at all between whether you mark the date and relationship length (unless only one of you desn't buy a gift )

a) 0-5 years
b) 6-10 years
c) 11-15 years
d) 16-20 years
e) 20 + years

We do mark them but often just by having a meal without DC during the week our anniversay falls or buying a box set to watch together. We usually get cards for each other. And c).

When we reached our first anniversary we decided that every year we would choose something together for the house. It turned out that we didn't actually want anything and we don't much like shopping and choosing stuff and then having to cling onto it forever because it was for an anniversary. So we decided to not bother and its worked out very nicely for us. I've never been arsed about my own bday but we do make each other cakes and i make quite a lot of fuss over the dcs birthdays and Christmas and easter and we also have a Hallowe'en party and a New years eve party every year which are quite nice, although admittedly not coupley.

I can't be bothered with huge parties or big displays for birthdays or anniversaries, but I do like to mark them in small ways. I'll make a really nice dinner for our anniversary, for example.

Narked - A for me. Not just anniversaries though. I don't make a big deal of birthdays or christmas either.

We celebrate family time and do presents, but not always on christmas day (dd isn't always going to be with us on christmas day). Mainly because everyone is off over christmas though. If they weren't, I'd do it in summer, but can't always guarentee everyone will be available.

I wont buy presents for the sake of it though. If I don't see something the person won't love then I don't get one. No one seems to mind though, as I will also buy random presents through the year as and when I see them.

OH always gets his mum something like slippers or cream(wtf?). Its obvious that its a chore and only done because he's been told to do it.

I was at a german market and saw some love ornaments I knew my mum would love and it happened to be her birthday the next day. If I'd not seen them shed have got something another time.

And my favourite presents have come from daughters Dad and been random.

When I'd been very poorly, he bought dd home and left bags which I assumed were her things, and text me after hed left to say there was a card in the bag from DD. Under that there was a bag with all my favourie fruits, and a big box of ferrero roche(sp).

It made me smile because I knew hed actually put thought into it and made the effort to go out and do it himself - I knew this because his mum would not have given me chocolates that I can't eat lol (in fairness, I'd never mentioned it to him as I'd never needed to).

I prefer presents like that to something someones bought because the calender tells them to.

We don't do birthdays/ anniversaries particularly.
Xmas itto.

We go for a meal out once a week, if I want something I can order it.

Narked, we have been married for 11 years, together for 12, but haven't celebrated our anniversary ever, not even our 1st one. It actually took me a minute to remember how long we had even been together lol.