To start ignoring certain friend...

[Bellyjaby]

I always planned to breast feed, but events with my dd overtook and she was mainly formula fed. I've put up with the midwives, health visitors and über bfing fan friends having a go at me saying stupid things like "but your boobs are so big, you must be able to produce a ton of milk" and "starve your child and it'll bring your supply up" (dd ended up in NICU as she was left too long in distress, needed a dextrose jab and then refused to feed. Oddly the thought of then starving her was abhorrent to me).

A few months after dd was born I was diagnosed with pernicious anaemia and it's subsequently been discovered I'm having a problem absorbing more than just B12. Im pregnant again and dealing with gps and specialist nurses, I've made a very informed medical decision to not even attempt bfing as there's major concerns my milk will be substandard. My midwives are very supportive of this too.

But the uber bfing friends are back making their stupid comments and trying to guilt trip me, and I just want to slap them. Milk production has nothing to do with breast size, if my milk is substandard then surely I'm not going to do my lo any good and given my vitamin absorbency issues I have a compromised immune system so I'm not passing any goodness there too. I'm getting so stressed trying to explain to these people I'm doing what I feel is best for my lo and I'm not just a lazy bitch.

Just tell them to fuck off and mind their own business. Be blunt!

For clarification, Im referring to them as the uber bfing fan friends and they are the ones with the more extreme views. I have friends who are bfing fans who also realise that you can make a different choice to them and it all still be ok.

Oh, and I realise with hindsight I never should have answered their questions in the first place. I stupidly opened myself up to this!

Don't ignore them. EDUCATE the morons.

What whips said

My word. You have annoying friends. YANBU to ignore them completely. Bf obsessed people are irritating at best of times but when you are sick and have issues it's just downright rude and insensitive.

I was fairly BF obsessed with my own babies, certainly not with others. Seriously, just tell them perhaps they'll learn something from you.

I really feel for you. If you feel you can't say something face to face send a text or email telling them how hurtful and unhelpful their comments are. If then they continue I would consider cutting them out or at least avoiding them until your dc is older and talk of fedding is no longer a hot topic of conversation. I'm always amazed how many people think its ok to pass comment on how other people feed their own babies!

I really hope no other posters pop up on this thread and try tell you to breastfeed, if they do I have my first biscuit ready and waiting for them!

Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy and new dc.

Did someone actually say to you "starve your child and it'll bring your supply up" ? In real life I know some people who are fairly passionate about bf (I'm probably one myself) but never come across the sort of people you describe in your OP.
You have strange friends, and need to make it clear to them that the choices you're making for the good of your baby are none of their business!
Congratulations btw :)

I'm very pro BF etcetc however - that doesn't mean you get to preach and be an unsupportive twat to your mates about it.

Tell them to shut up - hope you're feeling ok - x

Ignore the militant BFers. They are obviously too ignorant to understand that not everyone can BF even if they want to.

However, in the interests of clarity for anyone who may happen upon this thread through Google or other means, I'd like to state that pernicious anaemia itself does not affect the ability to breastfeed or the quality of your milk. I have PA and a number of auto-immune related conditions and am very successfully breastfeeding my DD who is thriving.

Another BFer who thinks you should tell the insensitive idiots to keep their opinions to themselves.

Congrats and I hope it all goes well for you.

I would tell them flat out that you refuse to discuss it with them.

I BF my son for 18 months and it was bloody hard work. I'm glad I did it, but I believe very strongly that every woman has the right to make her own decision about what's best for her & her child. And I'm an enthusiastic La Leche League member. You don't have to explain or justify your choices to anyone for any reason.

The breast size comment is just pure idiocy and is asking for the response, "is it my turn to comment on your body now?"

What silly friends! I had a similar situation (although fortunately my baby didn't ever need to be hospitalised)

My 'friend' couldn't understand why I wasn't trying harder to BF DD2. But having had DD1 already and already knowing what had happened last time, I didn't sweat the fact that she was only BF for a couple of weeks. Said friend couldn't keep her nose out, kept giving positioning advice (been through it all already thanks , discussing my 'problem' with another friend (who fortunately was a lot more sensible) and eventually she gave my phone number to someone she knew who she thought could help me, this stranger rang me twice (unwanted) to discuss my BF 'issues', I was

I'm afraid I didn't handle it as assertively as I should have, I just ended up distancing myself from said friend. Is this a possibility for you?

Either that or you could fix them a stare and say 'Your ignorance is showing' in a 'Your knickers are showing' kind of voice

I'm a bit surprised by this tbh. I can be quite militant when talking about organisations and the lack of support for bf women, but I would never "be militant" when talking to/about individuals. Surprised there are so many people out there who do.

Oh, and I can sympathise with the breast size comment. I have huge boobs and people just assumed I was lying when I said I struggled to produce milk.

Tell them to bog off!!! U do not need to explain yo anyone why you chose formula. All that matters is baby is fed who cares how!!!! Nothing wrong with bottle feeding they have no right to be on at u!!!!!!

Lurkey but avid breastfeedy people (sorry, crap name :o) should know that's rubbish

Ah but their own personal experince was different to mine. Therefore I was wrong

Liking 'avid breastfeedy people'!

Another bf'er (and a fairly evangelical one at that) who thinks your friends are arseholes and you wouldn't BU to tell them to fuck off.

I'm mainly ignoring them now, just wanted someone to tell me I'm not unreasonable for doing so! Thank you all.

Love "avid breastfeedy people"

Stealth - that is a direct quote from a health visitor, she meant starve as in give up formula and only feed dd from the breast. But dd was having 3-4oz bottles a time at this point and I was only producing about 4oz a day expressing. They never forgave me for not trying this either and I got no support from them for any type of feeding afterwards. I now avoid health visitors like the plague.

Lurkey - thank god my friends haven't gone that far. some people are odd.

Bling - I'm not too unstrange myself lol

Harlett - it's not the pernicious anaemia on its own thats the problem, it's that combined with malabsorption issues for multiple vitamins and minerals. They haven't gotten to the root cause yet, and are thankfully reluctant to run tests till after I'm settled with this dc. It's possible my milk won't be substandard, but it's not a chance I'm willing to take with my child.

Harlett - just realised how badly I wrote my last thing. I'm trying to agree with you re: PA mainly not meaning substandard milk, but now I've re-read it looks argumentative. Sorry.

Ignore them to the point of not allowing their 'advice' or comments make you feel bad but I'd be inclined to point out clearly that you are finding what they are saying/doing upsetting and you could really do without it.

OP, you are definitely being unreasonable. I can't breastfeed due to medication I have to take being passed through the breastmilk (potentially), but the amount of people including health visitors who suggested I stop my meds for a bit to breastfeed (I wouldnt be taking them every day unless I needed to) or that I should just do it anyway was huge.

It sounds like you know exactly what decision is right for you and that you have spent a lot of time considering what is best for your baby. As to your friend, I would avoid, avoid as it is none of their business.

Big breasts = huge milk supply? Do people really think that, and presumably the converse, that if you have tiny breasts, you cant breastfeed. Idiotic

Eeek, sorry, meant definitely NOT being unreasonable.

Bloody hell.

Do NOT be guilt tripped. Ignore or say something like 'Your comments are so unhelpful and are hurting my feelings'.

Also (I've said this before) I have never seen anyone on Mumsnet (except me!) feel able to just say 'I didn't breast feed because I didn't want to'. Because there is so much judgement and pressure and assumptions made about you if you say that. Everyone has to say there is a medical or physical reason why they can't feed - I'm not saying this about you OP btw! - there is such crazy nonsense about formula.

One poster told me it made her feel sick and revolted to see a baby with a bottle in it's mouth - that was my perfect, precious children you are talking about thank you

A friend of mine has just had first baby at age of 42 and is an evangelical breast feeder and is actually making snide comments about me not bf-ing my two who are now 10 and 8!

I get: 'But how did you bond?' 'Formula fed babies are so bloated aren't they?' 'Oh so that's why you had it so easy with yours - giving formula is like giving them a pint of ale, they get full and go straight to sleep!'. And on and on.