To start ignoring certain friend...

[Bellyjaby]

I always planned to breast feed, but events with my dd overtook and she was mainly formula fed. I've put up with the midwives, health visitors and über bfing fan friends having a go at me saying stupid things like "but your boobs are so big, you must be able to produce a ton of milk" and "starve your child and it'll bring your supply up" (dd ended up in NICU as she was left too long in distress, needed a dextrose jab and then refused to feed. Oddly the thought of then starving her was abhorrent to me).

A few months after dd was born I was diagnosed with pernicious anaemia and it's subsequently been discovered I'm having a problem absorbing more than just B12. Im pregnant again and dealing with gps and specialist nurses, I've made a very informed medical decision to not even attempt bfing as there's major concerns my milk will be substandard. My midwives are very supportive of this too.

But the uber bfing friends are back making their stupid comments and trying to guilt trip me, and I just want to slap them. Milk production has nothing to do with breast size, if my milk is substandard then surely I'm not going to do my lo any good and given my vitamin absorbency issues I have a compromised immune system so I'm not passing any goodness there too. I'm getting so stressed trying to explain to these people I'm doing what I feel is best for my lo and I'm not just a lazy bitch.

Proudnscary and they are still your friend?

Pint of ale comment is ridiculous.

Haha. Ds was ff. and was notoriously the worst sleeper anyone has ever met. His constant awareness is the stuff of legend.

I lost a lot of blood having my DS and was in ITU. He was 10lb 5oz. When I was well enough to join him the day after he was born, I told the MW I would like to try BFing. She said very firmly that I was too ill and the baby too big and hungry. It would not have been good for either of us.

It certainly sounds like this is the case for you too. Tell them to mind their own business until such times as they are medically qualified.

Tell them to bog off. And while they are there, to read a book about breastfeeding so at least they can spout accurate hurtful crap, if spout they must.

I wish the FF-sleeping correlation was true. DS2 was EBF to 11 weeks when late-diagnosed tongue-tie stopped him feeding altogether and we only got BFing going again with formula top-ups after the tie was snipped. He was very variable after that, but always had at least one, sometimes 2 bottles of formula a day. After he started solids he calmed down a bit and we were very nearly back to EBF, and then he started refusing the breast altogether during the day. He is nearly 8 months now and we have just stopped as my supply dwindled rapidly with only feeding at night and first thing in the morning.

So he is now fully FF and his bloody sleep has never been worse!

Proudnscary - well done to you for admitting that! I wish more people felt able. I do agree bfing is best in most cases but I defend anyone's right to choose. A mate has recently chosen not to as well, and gets comments like you have. But at the end of the day I know plenty of people who were formula fed and we're all alive and well.

Dd is a fantastic sleeper, but so was her dad - oh was breastfed too. Whereas I never ever slept (well probably not literally!) and I was formula fed. Two of my cousins were similarly bad sleepers, one bfed and one ffed. Formula will help with the keeping fuller thing, but if you're destined to have a bad sleeper I don't think it matters!

I don't understand the "I'm not just a lazy bitch" thing.

I BF my son because I'm too lazy to do anything else tbh. I hated making formula (DD was FF from 6 weeks) and CBA to plan ahead.

I'd ask them how exactly you're lazy, start making comments to them about just flopping a tit out.. See how they like it.

This subject absolutely riles me. I BF all mine, I was very very lucky they took to it easily. With DD1 I got gallstones and was passing out from the pain at points so had to go on some really strong painkillers, I went to HV and asked if I could BF while on these and she came back and said 'well they will make your baby lethargic but won't hurt her' so I said that I was going to stop as obviously the medication was going to get into her system. The HV then said this to me 'well I guess you just have to make a choice between doing whats right for you and doing whats right for the baby, I suppose even mothers are entitled to be selfish' I couldn't believe it, I could have passed out with her in my arms ffs, I was upset at having to stop but it was the best thing for my baby. Just ignore the BF mafia they made a choice for their babies, they can't make a choice for yours.

you don't have very supportive friends Bellyjaby, which is a shame. You know you are doing the right thing for your child and that is what matters.

maybe this is an opportunity to use the phrase 'did you mean that to be so rude and hurtful'

From the sound of it I think the so called friends are not necessarily bf mafia or anything like that, they are just sadly making themselves feel and look superior in a 'look at how clever I am bfeeding' sort of way oneupmumship at its worst

I'm very pro-bfing, but I think your friends are idiots who should mind their own business. All this pressure and criticism of new mums is counter-productive imo, it doesn't help anyone and does a lot of harm.

There should be a lot more support and education about bfing, but individuals should always have their choices and circumstances respected.