To think that it is not the woman's Mum's fault that she is pregnant

[confusedpixie]

My 20yo cousin and his 17yo girlfriend are expecting a baby. It was a shock and they are blaming the girl's Mum because the Mum told her daughter to stop having the contraceptive injection as she's gaining weight. So cousin's DP stopped taking it and they were using no alternative contraception.

Tbh I wouldn't be that bothered by the pair of them saying it as they are both very naive and the girlfriend is very much under her mother's thumb.

However they've told this story to the entirety of my very big family and not one member of my family are saying "Well actually, you should've stuck something on the end of it!", every family member is saying "Oh it's not their fault, her Mum told her to stop taking the injection so it's her fault."
When I pointed out that actually, they should both have been a bit more responsible every person I said this too got annoyed at me and told me not to say the same to my cousin as it's not his fault

WIBU to shout at them all next time that actually no, the girlfriend should have taken some responsibility for her own contraceptive methods and my cousin should have taken some responsibility for his contraceptive methods and now that there is a baby coming they should stop pointing the finger at her Mum and start getting ready for it's arrival?

Yanbu - definitely not!

It makes you wonder if they are going to expect her to raise babysit the grandchild.

Yanbu.

Have they applied to JK?

Did your cousin know that she was stopping having the injection?

If so, then of course he is responsible, and either way she is responsible.

YANBU How ironic that her mother was concerned about her gaining weight. She's going to out on plenty now

Her mother should have encouraged her to take responsibility for herself, as you are doing now. Hopefully they'll remember your words after the birth and be more careful in the future.

• put not out

Jumping: I'd have wondered the same a year ago ha, but no, they seem to have grown up quickly since finding out thankfully!

Outraged: I'm not sure actually, though admittedly I'm a freak about contraception and would put a condom on the end of it anyway so it doesn't occur to me not too!

Caramel: That task will likely fall to my Nan unfortunately :(

Did her mother tell her to have sex aswell?

Yanbu. She knew that the injection would stop her getting pregnant so she must have know that not having the injection would mean she would probably get pregnant!
It's weird that the mum is telling her what contraceptive to use but if you stop using one then you start using another, everyone knows that! Your family do Know that but they just must want to baby them a bit.

If she's 20 and choosing her contraception based on what her Mother tells her then I feel sorry for the child! Honestly though, of course it's not the mother's fault, yanbu.

Well its all bit weird, of the mum is involved in their contraception then she should have pointed out she would still need something. The girl is daft not using anything because her mum said come off the injection, she should have the sense to get something else.
Presuming your cousin knew she had come off, he should have put something on the end of it. Although its a good idea to double up anyway.

YANBU!!!

She's 17 littlemoo

Even a 17 year old knows you need some sort of protection to stop you getting pregnant.

If they are continuing with the pregnancy, it's a bit late to be talking about who'sm"fault" it is. You need to all get on with looking forward to the imminent arrival, and supporting the new parents. Including how not to repeat the performance so she doesn't end up unexpectedly with three under three's.

Oh

Why is it always the 20 year old bloke with a school girl and he does nothing about contraception?

YANBU!

Is the mother someone everyone wants to blame for stuff in general? Or is this just responsibility dodging by the father's family?

YANBU. Sounds like stupidity all round, really.

Although, if she didn't tell your cousin that she was stopping the injection, I would say that it's not his fault!

But yes, now would be the time to stop apportioning blame and starting to get things sorted out!

There are other issues with the gf and her Mum I believe, the Mum is very manipulative towards her, it's a "You say jump, I say how high." type relationship between them, which is sad as she's genuinely a nice young woman and I'm amazed my cousin managed to get her as he can be a pain in the arse at times! But she's still old enough to know better about contraception! She's still in college doing a very active course and was very slim before dating my cousin, instead of looking at their diet they're looking at other reasons as to why they're both quite big, again, a bit of lack of education and naivity.

I'm glad to know I'm NBU! It's been eating at me for weeks as my family are making me out to be extremely unreasonable for even suggesting that they are at least partly to blame for the pregnancy!

Sundae: Possibly a bit of both. This pregnancy was not expected by anybody, my older sister (the oldest grandchild, first to marry and settle down and now aged 25) was expected to be the first to have children and if not her than me so our cousin being first to produce a great grandchild has thrown everybody as they've been ribbing my sister for a while now and have been hinting at me since Christmas!

Novack: I have no fucking clue. I have told him time and time again in the past about using contraception himself (we have odd chats when we see each other!), all goes in one ear and out of the other with him!

*then me

Sounds to me like they don't even have two brain cells between them (that poor child)!

Yanbu. I fell pregnant with my ds at the age of 17. I'd been with my boyfriend for around 6 months and had asked my mum if she'd go with me to the family planning clinic to sort out some contraception. When we finally got around to going, the nurse did a pregnancy test and we were too late, I was already pregnant. My mum blamed herself, because she hadn't taken me early enough. But it was NOT her fault, we should have used condoms, and we didn't. Obviously now I have my wonderful son and it all turned out ok (apart from his dad being a tosser bit of a pain, but that's not for this thread) but myself and my partner took full responsibilty, as should your cousin and his girlfriend. If they're old enough to have sex, and to have been using a form of contraception in the first place, they're old enough to understand that no protection = possible pregnancy.

I'll probably get chucked off MN for saying this,
but I want to weep when I see stupid people having unwanted children who will be brought up to be just as stupid and have their own unwanted children in turn.