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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To EBay my friends castoffs?

39 replies

BettySuarez · 22/08/2012 19:04

She gave me a big bag of clothes last week - really good quality clothes that her DC's have grown out of or no longer use.

She handed them over so that my younger DC could rummage through and pick out anything suitable.

She said to help ourselves and to hand the rest to charity.

Thing is, we could really do with the money right now and there are a dozen or so items that are in really condition but I feel awful that this wouldn't really be in the spirit it was intended.

OP posts:
sunshinesparkles · 22/08/2012 19:11

Ebay them and keep schtum. if she asks...they went to charideee xx

muttimalzwei · 22/08/2012 19:11

It's not ideal but if you are short of money I am not surprised you are doing this. I have done the same but only after offering to friends in need. It's pretty tempting if you know it's a good make and selling it on e bay will stop you going further into debt.

kilmuir · 22/08/2012 19:12

You should tell her. not very friendly if you don't. she will probably be ok with it

SpottyTeacakes · 22/08/2012 19:14

Ask her if you can eBay them and split it after fees? She might say you can keep it all.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2012 19:24

I wouldn't. She specifically asked you to give the rest to charity.

InkyBinky · 22/08/2012 19:30

read here, from ther other persons perspective

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 22/08/2012 19:32

Do it - she doesnt want them

FWIW if you need the money then she'd rather you had it than starve.

graciew · 22/08/2012 19:42

Don't do it - she said it was to go to charity, if she'd wanted to you ebay them she would have said so.

I pass on my DC's clothes to friends and I want them afterwards either to be passed on to others or given to charity.

A friend of mine did this once and she hasn't had any more stuff from me.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 22/08/2012 19:53

It's only ok for you to do that if you tell her.

She might not mind at all and be happy for you to keep the money, or she might ask for some of the money you donate to be given to charity, or she might feel that she should be given some of the money back if there is going to be money made at all, but that is really her descision.

If you aren't going to do what she asked you to do, it would be very dishonest of you to make a profit out of her generosity.

Triffiddealer · 22/08/2012 20:09

Does she know things are tight OP? She might be being sensitive, by saying 'give it to charity' rather than rubbing your nose in it.

I think it would be quite hard to say to a friend 'well you are so hard up at the moment, you can put them on ebay' - but I suppose it depends if your 'could do with the money' means that you want to pay the electricity bill or just want to go skiing at Christmas.

NCForNow · 22/08/2012 20:12

I wouldn't. It's rude.

My sister gave me a bag of boys clothes which she said were for me to give to either of my friends with boys.

They were REALLY good clothes. I thought about selling them...but handed them to my mates who don't even know my sister...and who were tearful about such a lot of gorgeous things.

I was glad I didn't sneak and sell them.

stoooooopidpigeon · 22/08/2012 20:13

She gave you clothes to clothe your child, not to line your pockets. I know the standard arguement on this is that once she's given them away she shouldn't care what happens to them, but this would feck me off massively if I realised a friend had done this. I tend to say 'give to charity anything you don't want' so it's clear they're not to feel guilty for not cluttering up their house with unwanted stuff. If you want to make some money, pick up some stuff to sell on ebay from the charity shop, while you're there dropping off the clothes.

InkyBinky · 22/08/2012 22:03

If you think it is ok then you would not mind asking her. I think you know it's not the right thing to do and that is why you are asking here rather than asking your friend.

She said you could give the stuff you don't want to charity and that is what you should do unless you ask.

In the thread I linked to earlier the majority of the posters thought the person sneakily selling the baby clothes was doing the wrong thing.

McHappyPants2012 · 22/08/2012 22:07

i would be pissed off and tbh i wouldn't give you another item.

Secret7 · 22/08/2012 22:11

A friend did this to me - sold clothes I had given her. I found out and she doesn't know that I know. It blighted my opinion of her and I have since stayed away.

It's sneaky regardless of your circumstances.

You could mention to her that she could get money for the clothing on Ebay and that you do it yourself - she may take the hint and let you keep the clothes for that purpose.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 22/08/2012 22:17

Secret7 I was just about to say the same thing!! I just looked at a local selling group on FB, and saw a friend has advertised a load of clothes with I had given her just 3 days ago!! It was supposed to be a 'take what you want and give to charity thing' She has even added little comments like 'only worn once/ twice' etc!!
Next time I will take them straight to charity and she will miss out (if she needed the money I wouldn't mind, but this isn't the case)

pigletmania · 22/08/2012 22:27

Ask her if I were yu

larks35 · 22/08/2012 22:32

Check with her first is what I'd do. I'm sure she won't mind and if she does then give them to charity. TBH with the hassle of posting items on ebay and packing them up and sending them off, plus the possibility that they only fetch 99p per item, it isn't worth pissing a friend off.

MadgeHarvey · 22/08/2012 22:34

She said you could take what you wanted yes? Once you do that - it's yours and then you may do as you please with it. Hand some of it over to charity if it makes you feel better but I wouldn't worry. No need to go confessing either.

NovackNGood · 22/08/2012 22:38

I thnk an awful lot of the posters on her are showing a rather greedy nature.

If you are not going to use the items for your own children then you can't sell them. Unless you are a sly, cheating individual like so many on here appear to be.

Original poster
BettySuarez · 22/08/2012 22:40

Thanks for your replies - she is my only closest friend and I wouldn't dream of offending her.

I'll have a chat x

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 22/08/2012 22:43

I think it's pretty off to sell them tbh. If you need the money,be honest & tell her. She may be absolutely fine with it. If not,do as she wishes.

NoLogo · 22/08/2012 22:52

My sister does this. I hate it. She has plenty of money (mortgage free now...) and has sneakily sold things our other skint sister has given her for her baby. I avoid giving anything to e-baying Dsis now. We give everything away and don't e-bay, but to sell our dss' casts offs and not give offer the cash back for their money boxes is just horribly tight.

On the other hand OP, as I can never be arsed to e-bay, if you were my friend and told me you were skint, asking if you could e-bay, then I would say yes and give you everything I had that I would never e-bay and didn't want anymore so you could "earn" some cash.

I think the tone of this thread is more condemning sneakyness and greed, rather than condemning being skint and honest about it with a good friend.

Icelollycraving · 22/08/2012 22:54

Yes,I would gladly help a friend who was struggling a bit,but I'd be pissed off if they were making money from my 'cast offs' if money was ok for them. Hope the chat goes ok,if she's a good friend,I'm sure it'll be ok.

nokidshere · 22/08/2012 23:01

I really, really don't get the passing stuff on that you dont want but only if the person you are giving them to does what you want with them.

When you give stuff away thats the end of it surely? Its not yours anymore and its for the new owner to decide what to do with it then.

Gifts with strings attached is so not my style.