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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to rather be hated and rich than respected and poor?

50 replies

bogeyface · 22/08/2012 01:23

I have been poor. It fucking sucks. And I mean proper "feed my child or buy electricity" poor, me eating wasnt an option. Thanks ex-"D"H.

I wouldnt care if people hated me if I was rich. Money doesnt buy happiness but it sure does make life easier.

I said tonight that I would rather be rich and hated as part of a conversation and was told (by someone on a 6 figure salary) that respect is worth far more than money in the bank, long story short......I told him to fuck off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
bogeyface · 22/08/2012 01:25

Oh I should say that I am not rich, but not exactly poor (things are a struggle sometimes), but if I had a choice then I would go for rich and hated everytime.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/08/2012 01:29

Hated by who though?

If I was hated by random people I wouldn't give a low flying shite

If was hated by family and what used to be close friends, I certainly would give a shite because for them to hate me, I'd have to be a pretty vile person.

I suppose it boils down to the reason for being hated if that makes sense?

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2012 01:31

I can see your point but I'd rather go for middle of the road - enough to live comfortably but not enough to engender envy or hatred.

Most people don't hate others simply for being rich - it's more what type of cunt they are about it that is hated. So, if you were a rich Tory MP type tax-dodger/burn the peasants/grabby mcgrabby person, then you deserve to be hated - but if you were a rich person who looked out for others and didn't rub everyone's noses in it, then most people wouldn't hate you. I wouldn't.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 22/08/2012 01:32

I've never been poor by anyone's standards, and you're absolutely right that having money makes life easier. But I don't think having money means that you will be respected. I don't think it means that you will be hated either. Both respect and hatred have to be deserved, don't they?

Birdsgottafly · 22/08/2012 01:33

I have often thought, as a LP of a DD with LD's that i wouldn't give a fuck what people thought of me, if i was Katie Price, if i could give my children what she can, tbh.

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2012 01:36

Agree totally Bewitched

Original poster
bogeyface · 22/08/2012 01:37

I see what you mean Worra. I suppose I mean by having money that makes others jealous, either by a lottery win, working in an industry that is not well considered (say, animal testing or something) or making a success of myself. He said that sticking by your principles is more important than selling out, but he sold out!

OP posts:
Original poster
bogeyface · 22/08/2012 01:39

Birds I made that point earlier. KP isnt well thought of, but dammit, she uses her assets to provide well for herself and for her family. I would do the same if I could!

OP posts:
SkipTheLightFanjango · 22/08/2012 01:41

Well I'm skint and it sucks! I would like to think anyone that matters to me would be happy for me if I became wealthy. If they hate you/ don't respect you due to that then they are shallow and not a true friend. Money does not buy you happiness but I've not seen many happy people who can't afford next months rent/ food either!

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 22/08/2012 01:43

Well, maybe his problem is that he hates himself.

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2012 01:44

I see what you mean Worra. I suppose I mean by having money that makes others jealous, either by a lottery win, working in an industry that is not well considered (say, animal testing or something) or making a success of myself. He said that sticking by your principles is more important than selling out, but he sold out!

Ahh but if people are going to be jealous and hate you simply because you were lucky enough to either win money, or succeed in a career that makes you a lot of money then what can you do to prevent that?

Actually why should you do anything to prevent that?

If I won the lottery tomorrow and people started to hate me for it...that's their problem surely?

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 22/08/2012 01:54

It's obviously a very divisive subject. I have a friend who is very intelligent, self-educated, nomadic, who grew up mostly homeless on the streets in Lima. He hates rich people, without exception.
My father will not accept that anyone can be happy unless they are rich, he has lived in Saigon for 17 years.
I have some very heated discussions with both of them.
They haven't met each other,yet!

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2012 02:23

I would do a job that was borderline immoral to put food on the table if DD couldn't eat otherwise but not to get rich. I would expect people to dislike me if I sold out to get rich. However, people who hated me for winning the lottery, meh.

perceptionreality · 22/08/2012 02:29

I'm not quite sure of what the OP means. If it means that you trample on other people to get money then I don't understand that way of thinking at all.

People only disrespect you if you treat others badly.

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2012 02:33

Bewitched - what would your friend do if he suddenly became rich - would he then hate himself? Or would he give away all his riches to become not-rich again? I am intrigued, because his hatred sounds like it's born of envy rather than a strong moral/political/social position as such.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 22/08/2012 02:39

If people hate you just because you have money, then they're just as horrid as the people who judge people for being poor.

I have lived in severe poverty and now am lucky enough to just be 'upper class poor' Some officials terminology. Hmm

So YADNBU.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 22/08/2012 03:53

Also, I'm not sure I'd automatically respect someone for "not selling out". What does that mean? Where I've heard it it's usually been used by trustafarians or lazy arses to excuse the fact that they don't work and look down on the nouveaus.

There does seem to be this weird perception that poor=lovely person and rich= terrible cunt, but actually, I imagine that there are probably more nice rich people because it's easier to be nice/generous/ of sunny disposition when you don't have a lot of stress/pressures on you.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 22/08/2012 08:35

Thumbwitch, there didn't appear to be any danger of him aquiring any financial stability let alone wealth! He has been one of the victims of local corruption. Until he met us I don't think he'd ever had contact with anyone who had much more than him.
I pointed out that in his terms we would be considered wealthy, we're not, just comfortable, and I think he was starting to moderate his views. We only knew him for a couple of months and are no longer in contact.

wordfactory · 22/08/2012 08:41

I have been poor. It sucks. It sucks so so much.

And yes, when you're no longer poor, you do get a certain amount of negativity. For example I am regularly abused by other road users in my expensive car (for example only yesterday someone shouted into my open window 'learn to drive you posh cunt'. I should add my seventy year old Mother was also in the front seat). When I use a hire car, I get no abuse whatsoever...

DD says that when she gets a certain amount of ribbing for being 'rich' and 'posh'. Occasionally it becomes offensive.

However, the sting is rather lessened by not being poor.

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2012 08:50

Oh ok, Bewitched - I can kind of see his point if he was screwed over by fat cats then.

ssd · 22/08/2012 08:54

anyone I know who is always looking happy/relaxed/smiley has a dh who earns mega bucks

most of the ones I know who are constantly looking anxious/worried have money worries

go figure

niceguy2 · 22/08/2012 08:54

Money doesnt buy happiness

It flipping well does!

Give me a million quid and I'd be happier than a happy thing in a happy shop! Ergo money does buy you happiness.

Unfortunately being rich seems to be frowned upon in the UK. It's the politics of envy. In the US, successful people are admired and respected. People see that it is possible and seek to emulate them. It's the 'american dream'.

In the UK if you are rich you are automatically assumed to be so because either you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth or have exploited poor workers to get to where you are and should be taxed until their pips squeek.

And if you try to say 'hang on a minute, most rich people are self-made and already pay most of the taxes in the country' then you are branded a right wing capitalist Tory loving c*nt.

ssd · 22/08/2012 08:56

oh and YANBU op

I'd bloody love to be rich, me

especially if I wasnt the one doing the hard work to get it

TyrannoSoreArse · 22/08/2012 08:59

As worra said, it depends on who hates you. If it was just jealousy and resentment at my enormous dripping riches like you suggested, OP, I couldn't give a shiney shit. Probably make me enjoy it more Grin But if I had to lose the regard of my friends and family, then no, wouldn't be worth the swap.

I'd be so good at being rich. I suck at being skint.

everlong · 22/08/2012 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.