to rather be hated and rich than respected and poor?

[bogeyface]

I have been poor. It fucking sucks. And I mean proper "feed my child or buy electricity" poor, me eating wasnt an option. Thanks ex-"D"H.

I wouldnt care if people hated me if I was rich. Money doesnt buy happiness but it sure does make life easier.

I said tonight that I would rather be rich and hated as part of a conversation and was told (by someone on a 6 figure salary) that respect is worth far more than money in the bank, long story short......I told him to fuck off.

AIBU?

I've been a single parent in poverty too OP, and it was absolutely grinding for years, I was on benefits for some time. I am comfortable now though because my new DH happens to be on a good salary. It's certainly brought some nasty people out of the woodwork, with comments that I only married him for his money and that I'm getting ideas above my station buying from certain shops and moving to a new area (DH's choice actually). Some women in particular can be quite biting and have suggested that I've lost their respect because I don't earn the money myself and 'may as well be a prostitute'.

I can't understand why they would make that kind of comment, but I have learnt to ignore it - I suppose for me I don't consider it much of a loss to lose the respect of people like that. I am certainly a happier person now that I don't have to count every penny and can afford nice experiences with my family.

I've never been much bothered what people think of me, so I certainly wouldn't choose to be poor for the sake of 'respect' or being liked. Self-respect is a different thing, perhaps.

Being rich certainly doesn't automatically make you happy. There are plenty of unhappy rich people, always have been. Being very poor can obviously make you unhappy though.

We had some management consultants in who did a very bad job of pretending they weren't there to select for redundancies.

We had a patronising session with someone who asked us what motivated us.

Someone in his 40s said 'money'. This twat who was all of 27 laughed and said 'lots of people mistakenly think it's money but I'm here to help you understand that there are more important motivating factors behind work.'

Mr friend answered: 'Tell that to my wife then when she asks me for money for the kids' clothes.'

I have been poor. It is horrible, never again while there is anything I can do about it.

I would take being rich and hated over being respected and poor.

Guess we have, DH works for one of the mega banks and I work in the mining industry, neither of which attract much love.

But my kids go to sleep with full bellies, in a nice bed, in a nice house, in a nice place. There isn't a lot I wouldn't do in order to see that continue.

People make different choices before dc and fair enough it's pretty easy when single to be free and have plenty of disposable income.

Changes post-dc. It does make things a lot easier. Especially in big cities.

It's much worse being poor and hated. At least if you have money you're not hungry, cold and can easily use some of your money to distract and isolate yourself from your haters.

no one has said being skint is better than having money

its not rocket science is it

Why are many rich people arrogant and horrible though (thinking of all those nasty BMW and Mercedes drivers who think they are God). You'd think they would be happy, delighted and relieved.

I wouldn't do something that I considered immoral. Obviously it's hard to know the effects of your actions, so I'm sure a lot of the choices I make have a negative impact, but I couldn't go into work every day to do something that I felt was ultimately harming others.

I know a lot of people who do that and they spend their whole life justifying their choices to others. Seems miserable.

However, I've been skint. I'm pretty skint now, but I've been properly skint and I have no desire to go back to that. My partner gets loads of free holidays and stuff through his work - I've seen how the other half live and it is a hell of a lot nicer than I do. So if it meant a few people disliked me, then whatever really.

I would rather not be hated by people but if it was a choice of not being able to feed my kids and being hated. I would rather be hated.
Plenty of rich people are nice and not hated though. It probably helps if they are not flashing their cash at every opportunity though. When I see that I just think 'god you are so chavvy'. I never feel envious I actually feel sorry for their bad taste.

A lot of lottery winners are not any happier after their win than they were before. I'd sooner live in a more equal society than have to choose between being rich or poor.

kiss name one

A lot of lottery winners are not any happier after their win than they were before

This is a slightly misleading statement. It is true that some lottery winners, a period of time after their win are less happy than before, but a lot of this is down to them making poor choices as to what they did with their money and generally alienating people by being arseholes.

To suggest that is was the money in and of itself that made them unhappy is too simplistic.

I too, however dislike this 'either/or' thinking. It is possible to be wealthy and respected, and also poor and hated. Much the same as the whole 'big flashy wedding = Shit marriage' and vice versa attitude.

I sometimes wonder if is isn't just borne of envy, in that people with limited resources comfort themselves by telling themselves that they must be respected because they are poor, and similarly that they wouldn't want to be rich because then they would be hated.

It rather depends on who hates or respects you...

Or is this like "would you rather be pretty and thick or clever but ugly?" where the two don't actually bear any relation to each other?

Miserable rich people piss me off. We are probably rich by many peoples standards but we do have money worries - house, kids education etc.. and it puts a strain on our lives - I wanted a smaller house and no worries, DH disagreed sigh... I'm the worrier.

I know some bloody miserable/downright batshit crazy rich folk, and some happy ones. Ditto poor folk!

It can't but you happiness, but it helps if you worry about white or black marble for the en suite bathroom rather than can you pay the electricity bills. It can't buy your health either, and it can really mess up your kids. Look at the Tetrapack family - I wouldn't wish that mess on my worst enemy.

Of course when I win the lottery I shall be extremely happy!

At least if you are hated and rich you can buy new friends, or Max Clifford, or whatever...

Money doesn't buy you happiness but it does allow you to entirely eliminate or at least reduce the impact of a whole raft of things that make you miserable.

Put it this way. Say your kids are really really doing your head in and your Dh is being a PITA. Is your day going to be better if

1. You can hand kids to nanny, tell housekeeper to go to Waitrose and buy you some Veuve and a cheese board, and book yourself into the Four Seasons for the whole day spa package or

1. You have to drag said kids round ASDA with a calculator as you only have £25 for a week's food and then walk home in the rain because you cant afford the bus (or the heating to dry your wet clothes).

Bumblequeen, you are refreshingly honest. The only quibble I would have is 'fish and red meat' it's not that expensive compared to many processed foods, and you can always reduce the portion size.

I grew up very poor and my exH grew up very wealthy, he didn't seem to have a single happy memory of his childhood, I had lots from mine. He was constantly chasing more wealth, all I needed was a roof over our heads and enough to feed and clothe us. When we divorced he pulled some financial fast ones leaving dcs and I worse off than him. He's now married to someone (OW) with very similar morals to his own. I think I came out of it all with more, in terms of relationships kept with mutual friends and family and would say I am happier now than I have been for years and from what I hear happier than him.

I've been poor, I've been wealthy, I'm now OK so long as I don't get made redundant and "OK" is the best alternative for me. I know I can pay all the bills, but can't go mad and have to think about big purchases, and worry when the car goes for its MOT. OTOH at some point I can downsize from the family home to a shed in a field and become a batty old lady with rescued donkeys

From what I've seen of those with wealth it's corrupting, it's often used to manipulate relationships and those with it are really lacking in trust as they can't be sure why someone would be in relationship with them. Fortunately I don't move in those circles these days .

It's horrible having to scrimp and scrape and count every penny. I know people say that they are blissfully happy even if they have to do this. But I'm not. When there's been times when I've been hard up.

I'm not bothered about being mega rich but I like to have enough for what I want. Except for a pink diamond that is. I keep dropping hints but DH seems to be going deaf.

I'd rather be well off and respected thanks.

And respected and hated by whom? I'd prefer people who know me to respect me - the ignorant masses can get stuffed! So if the people who know me are allowed to respect me I'd rather be stinking rich.