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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If school do this to DD are they BU?

32 replies

Downnotout · 20/08/2012 23:18

I am fuming about this- though it may not happen, but it's been implied.

DD is about to start Y6. She was awarded House Captain for the coming year (final year) at the end of last term.

Over the summer she has auditioned for, and won a hard fought for place at Theatre School in London. We are going to move her after Christmas. This is a dream come true for her.

I have to give a terms notice and out of decency to her current school I have spoken to them today, before the start of term, to let them know what was happening. I didn't want them opening a letter from the theatre School before I had chance to tell them.

The gist of it is that while they are pleased for her and I shouldn't feel guilty at all , they will have to decide what to do about the House Captaincy. I said "you wouldn't strip her of it would you?" and they said it would have to be discussed.

Now, there are only 3 girls, and no boys left, in the house this year group. House Captain= Sports Captain. The other 2 girls are newish to the school (1 year and 2 years) which precludes them from HC. Also DD is on all sports teams/ swimming team, they are not. DD was, in fact, the only option for HC.

DD will be DEVASTATED if they replace her. Although I know they will have to at some point. I just hadnt expected them to say that. I wish now I hadn't said anything and had just handed in my notice on the first day of term and not given them chance to think about it. It will taint her final term there and I feel they will be punishing her, when it is me and DH who have made this decision. AIBU to be upset- or are they just being awkward because we're leaving 2 terms early?

OP posts:
NameChangeGalore · 20/08/2012 23:24

No they're not BU.

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2012 23:24

I think they're being practical rather than awkward

It makes sense to give it to someone who they know isn't leaving so they can get on with the job...you know planning things for the whole year etc...

I can see why she's disappointed but surely she knows she didn't really 'win' it anyway if she was the only option?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 20/08/2012 23:27

No, they aren't BU.

LucieMay · 20/08/2012 23:30

Devastated?! In caps?! Gosh she sounds very dramatic! I can see why she is going to theatre school!

BlackberryIce · 20/08/2012 23:31

School are NBU

HippoPottyMouth · 20/08/2012 23:33

No I don't think they're being unreasonable. Why would they want a house captain who's only going to be there for 10 weeks?

If the theatre school is a dream come true for her then surely she has to understand she might miss out on other things?

cheesesarnie · 20/08/2012 23:33

agree, they're being practical. I'm surprised that you're surprised.
i understand that your dd will be upset and why but as her parent you need to explain-she cant have it all. she's leaving so cant be this years captain. simple as imo.

schoolgovernor · 20/08/2012 23:36

Don't be daft. She's leaving, and they are being perfectly reasonable. Explain it to her and don't feed her devastation.

quoteunquote · 20/08/2012 23:41

When you (and your DD) accepted a place else where, you must of realised your DD would have resign her responsibility,

It's a "job" for a year, she is unable to do it,

It would be very dog in the manger to not give someone else, who will be there for the entire year a chance to do the job justice.

Think of it as a good chance to rehearse toughening up to disappointment before she starts in the acting world.

Original poster
Downnotout · 20/08/2012 23:42

Oh dear. IABU.

Suppose I just didn't want her to leave on a sour note. Yes she will be distraught because she did take it seriously and being the only choice doesn't mean she didn't deserve it.

There will be tears ( maybe dramatic tears) but tears all the same.

OP posts:
kilmuir · 20/08/2012 23:43

how can children be classed a snew after 2 years??

Nagoo · 20/08/2012 23:44

I think they are BU actually.

They gave her it, she was really proud and now I think they boil let her carry on with it until she leaves.

She is a child. It's not fair to penalise her and I don't think that DEVASTATED is overstating it for an 11 YO.

I'd be pissed off too OP.

Two DC can get a turn now, why disappoint one when you can make two happy?

Original poster
Downnotout · 20/08/2012 23:46

You are right. First knock back of lots and lots of knock backs.

Better toughen up. Sad

OP posts:
graciew · 20/08/2012 23:48

If the tears are very dramatic then she should do well at theatre school!

YABU (and is she currently at the smallest school in the world?)

seeker · 20/08/2012 23:51

She sounds a bit of a brat. Sorry.
She will get much harder knocks in the theatre!

Original poster
Downnotout · 20/08/2012 23:52

That is how I saw it Nagoo. But I am prepared to be told I'm wrong.

I don't think I used the right word kilmuir. What I meant is that they havent ever appointed children who haven't been at the school since the beginning.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/08/2012 23:52

Perhaps she could plan a speech which would encompass her being selected (I'd like to thank...), leaving it (all the good things she's done/would've done) and handing over to another candidate. Tell her it's practice for the Oscars!

cheesesarnie · 20/08/2012 23:54

why do you have to be there from the beginning? thats a shitty rule! im glad theyll be forced to change it.

Krumbum · 20/08/2012 23:54

No they are not bu. it makes sense to give it someone for the whole year. Are there really only 4 people in her whole house? How many in the school?

seeker · 20/08/2012 23:55

". What I meant is that they havent ever appointed children who haven't been at the school since the beginning."

That's incredibly unfair! You could be perfect forbthe role, but because you joined the school year 2 you can't do the job in year 6.....

LibrarianByDay · 20/08/2012 23:55

She is lucky to be so talented as to be on so many sports teams and to have earned a place at theatre school. It would be nice to let someone else have some of the glory. That's how I'd be selling it to her.

Original poster
Downnotout · 20/08/2012 23:57

I think that calling her a brat is uncalled for. I was trying to make a joke of dramatic tears.

She isn't a drama queen. She is musical. She has got there on her singing / music ability. Her tears will be disappointment that's all.

As I said am prepared to be told IABU. (she doesn't know any of this.)

OP posts:
MardyFish · 20/08/2012 23:58

You should get a Diva-In-Training t-shirt for her.

Viviennemary · 20/08/2012 23:58

But she can't fulfil the year to be the Form Captain. So it is quite reasonable that it should go to sombody else. Good heavens. She should be lucky that she is so talented not whining about this. A prima donna in the making. Still that will probably stand her in good stead in theatrical circles.

Musomathsci · 20/08/2012 23:59

For goodness sake, you can't have your cake and eat it. Of course the school aren't being unreasonable. You've given notice, you are leaving, you no longer have any leverage at the school, get over it.