to think if someone's been your bridesmaid, they should ask you to be thiers?

[winkle2]

I went to a hen do recently and the bride-to-be has been bridesmaid 5 times yet she was only having 2 bridesmaids herself.

Is there some sort of wedding etiquette?!

YABVU
She can have whom ever she wants it's not a reciprocal thing.

Yes: the bride gets to have however many bridesmaids she chooses, and whomever she chooses.

Them's the rules. Be nice.

No there isn't and their shouldn't be. Asking someone to be a bridesmaid is not done with any strings arttached.
dhs sister, for reason that would take a whole other thread, was my bridesmaid. She is getting married next month for the second time and I haven't been bridesmaid either time.
And do you what, that's ok.

Don't be ridiculous. I have a friend who's been a bridesmaid about twenty times. Was she supposed to reciprocate with all of them?

I really hope my DSis doesn't ask me as a return gesture - I'm 20 years older and could easily be in my fifties by then

YABU. VVU indeed.

No, 5 bridesmaids is a lot for one thing if you had to pay for all their dresses it would be quite an expense. Plus in theory the bride could have 4 younger, unmarried sisters whom she had always promised would be her bridesmaids.

Nope. People should have who they want.

YABU - I've never heard that. People may want a small wedding or there may be reasons for choosing sisters, cousins etc - being asked to be a bridesmaid is an honour but doesn't come with any reciprocal rights. The bride in question has presumably been a good friend to those that asked her but doesn't need to have 5 bridesmaids to repay a debt!

Ok just wondering!

I'm not British so I wasn't sure what the etiquette was :)

Of course YABVU.
My neices were my bridesmaids when they were 5 and 2. DN (now 20) has just got engaged. I can't imaging she is going to want her 40-something Aunt as one of her bridesmaids!

YABU Why should any bride have more bridesmaids than she wants just so she can reciprocate.

I had two friends as my bridesmaids, when they got married I was bridesmaid for one but not the other. Didn't occur to me to be offended, I'm the sort of person who has a small number of close friends, she was much more outgoing so had lots of friends to chose from. Also we hadn't been all that much in contact before her wedding. Still good friends now, it's really not that big a deal being a bridesmaid!

Surely the point of bridesmaids is that they are not married themselves hence the title

YABU, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I was bridesmaid recently for a friend who booked her wedding after me for a date before mine IYSWIM. I had already asked her to be a bridesmaid and I am fairly certain she would not have asked me if I hadn't asked her first.

Yes, I think you're right diedandgonetodevon. Think it's now assumed to mean maid as in 'help' rather than in 'virgin', but you must be right.

That's quite an odd idea.

And yeah, technically they'd be matrons of honour.

YABU. I didn't have any bridesmaids as I got married in my late 30's.

I didn't have any bridesmaids. Partly because I couldn't be bothered dealing with the fall out of 'why didn't you pick me' from various people. Best decision ever

No, there is no reciprocal etiquette regarding bridesmaids. My sister was bridesmaid at my wedding, but she didn't have any at hers. She got married at a registry office and it never occurred to her (or me) to to have one.

Yabvu of course not

YABU. Dh's sister was my bridesmaid but it never crossed my mind to expect to be asked to be her bridesmaid (I wasn't, but I was also 39 weeks pregnant on her wedding day so not entirely practical!).

Nope, not reciprocal at all, a bit like Godparents . I had my sister and a much younger cousin. My sister didn't have bridesmaids/matrons of honour et and my cousin is nowhere near getting married and I'd assume she'd have her friend (s)

Maybe when you're 5 op!

Yabu

You're not meant to be bridesmaid if you're married, so no you shouldn't be.