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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop accepting their mail?

92 replies

nightowlmostly · 20/08/2012 11:19

We moved into a new house 6 months ago, and the old owners redirected their mail for a month. Since then we have been getting a fair amount of letters for them.

I met them, they seemed pretty nice people, so I didn't mind accepting their mail and she would come round and pick it up. The last lot though, I was going away on holiday for a couple of weeks so thought I should try and get it to them before I went, so took it to their new house, not far away, and popped it in their letterbox.

I didn't ever hear anything, no thank you or acknowledgement at all, which I was a bit annoyed about tbh. We had vaguely said we'd go for a drink, and she seemed nice, I thought we could maybe become friends as we still live close to each other.

Anyway, more mail has come, even though I have asked the postie not to give me mail for them any more some still gets through. I refused to sign for a recorded delivery letter for them last week. I haven't said anything to them, I don't know how to put it, I hate confrontation. She texted me today asking if there had been any mail, I told her I'd posted some letters yesterday for them, but I suspect she was on about the recorded delivery.

So my question is, AIBU to refuse their mail without spelling it out to them? I'm just a bit annoyed, it's been 6 months! Or should I tell them that's what I've done? Or, option no 3, should I just keep on forwarding their mail for eternity?

I'm prepared to accept if I'm BU, but I hope I'm not!

OP posts:
iknowwho · 20/08/2012 13:40

Don't get why it is an issue about forwarding stuff on Confused

squoosh · 20/08/2012 13:45

I'd find it an issue because it's been 6 months since the move and they're still expecting the new occupants to go to the trouble of forwarding because they can't be bothered to inform companies of the change of address.

It's lazy and inconsiderate.

DublinMammy · 20/08/2012 13:54

YANBU, we have had the sam thing with the people we bought from and it's a real nuisance when it goes on for months and there is a large volume of mail involved.

The old owners left us a nice note, hoping we would be happy in the house and leaving their forwarding address. They then took every lightbulb in the house and most of the light fittings which annoyed me so much that I wrote "Return to Sender" on every bit of mail that arrived for them from Day 1. My husband, who is much nicer than I am, forwarded any that he got to before me. In any case they should have left stickers with their new address on and got a redirection service.

Lazy wankers.

iknowwho · 20/08/2012 13:56

A bit over the top squoosh lazy and inconsiderate!!
The other people may well have taken out a redirection and it has lapsed and think everything is in order.

When we did our redirection a few stray letters still went to our old address.

Honestly it is not a huge thing.

I love the way MNer's get worked up!

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 20/08/2012 13:59

I didn't sign for the recorded delivery, the woman just took whatever it was away, so there was no slip either. I should have told her about it, but I didn't and now it seems awkward to tell her I didn't accept it as I didn't mention it earlier. Maybe this is a good time to blame DH! I'll say he didn't tell me about it.

I hadn't even considered the possibility of dodgy credit or debts or anything, thanks for bringing that to my attention as an issue!

avon thanks for your concern, but I manage day to day quite well, I just tend to avoid awkward conversations where possible! If we hadn't been friendly it wouldn't be a problem, but I do find it hard to be assertive when it's people I know. Daft I guess. It's not like we're best buddies or anything!

I think my plan is, to text later and say that DH just told me that a recorded letter came but he didn't accept it, and that they really should consider extending their redirection or inform everyone of their new address. Sound ok?

OP posts:
NarkedRaspberry · 20/08/2012 14:00

Circle the name and put 'Not Known At This Address' on the envelopes in big writing. Keep in a pile and stick in the post box once a week with an elastic band around them.

Tanith · 20/08/2012 14:00

I moved a year ago, set up the mail redirection thing for 12 months, and it still got sent to the old address - lots of it. I'd say about 25%.

It's not a reliable service so, although I understand how you feel, it might be down to the post office.

iknowwho · 20/08/2012 14:00

Sounds fine!

Original poster
nightowlmostly · 20/08/2012 14:01

I'll take the suggestion someone said of telling them they have till the end of the month or something, then it all goes back.

OP posts:
Original poster
nightowlmostly · 20/08/2012 14:01

Tanith they only had a redirection for a month, she told me.

OP posts:
Dfg15 · 20/08/2012 14:10

I moved into my house 16 months ago. I've had bailiffs at my door, prescriptions (the actual drugs, not the paper prescriptions) being delivered, lots of letters from debt collectors - all for the previous owners. The woman is a lawyer of some sort, and i managed to google her new address. I sent some of the post on with a letter asking her to inform them that she had moved. I still get the odd bit of mail, but it's tailed off. Can't understand why people don't do mail re-direction. As other posters have said, its not expensive.

squoosh · 20/08/2012 14:10

I don't think it is over the top at all! What other reason can there be except they can't be arsed to sort it out??

iknowwho · 20/08/2012 14:17

What other reason can there be except they can't be arsed to sort it out??

They think everyone who needs to be contacted has been could be one reason
2 Another reason, like I said before, could be the post office still sends the a few letters to the old address, like mine did even though the redirection was in place
3 The redirection has run out and they hadn't realised.

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 20/08/2012 14:18

Yep i'd send following text "Still getting your mail as you haven't updated your address details. Please sort out as anything after 1st Sept will be returned to sender"
p.s. we have a redirection for me and my mum - who has an unusual 1st name, strangely the lady that moved in after us has same name as my mum - and we keep getting her post redirected to us even though the surnames are different... Have spoken to post office and they're rubbish as they can't seem to do anything about it. We had one letter that came to us, we sent it back and then it came to us for a second time...
This is why I use email!

squoosh · 20/08/2012 14:23

Yeah but why then have recorded delivery items still being delivered to their old address? That's just odd.

MsVelvet · 20/08/2012 14:26

This also happens to me 2yrs on and i get all sorts of mails for the previous occupants, i put moved away in 2010 on the envelope and return to sender to update records. It is not my responsibility to sort out their stuff, tbh they have had bailiffs here looking for them too, prob one of the reasons they have not updated their address on most things yet..

dollybird · 20/08/2012 14:31

we moved 7 months ago and almost 6 months to the day we moved we started getting post for the previous owner (and her ex-H). We know the road she lives in but not the number, so have been keeping it to one side but it's starting to build up. There's even what looks like a birthday card for her ex. She was a complete p.i.t.a through the whole move so I don't feel very inclined to go out of my way to pass it on to her..

KirstyJC · 20/08/2012 14:58

We had this at our house. When we sold we had a 1 year redirection and checked everything we got to make sure we had given them our new address.

The house we moved into though, they cba. They just left us a note asking us to pass it to a neighbour who would send it on for them. It wasn't a major hassle for us, but since they left the house in such a shit state (half inch of fat in the grill pan, cat piss on the floor in 3 of the rooms etc) quite frankly I didn't feel inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. We didn't have their new address so I simply wrote on one of the envelopes 'it has been 9 months and you have still not redirected - we will be returning to sender from now on as you have had long enough to sort it out'.

We haven't really had much since then! (and have given the few we did get to the neighbour, we didn't rts although I wanted them to realise how pissed off we were).

OP - could you do that - write a note on the envelope and then post it to her for the last time?

sarahtigh · 20/08/2012 15:59

you can not get rid of mail that is an offence I would suggest that you contact her saying she needs to set up new re-driection as you will in future be returning all mail to sender,

then write on each one return to sender not known at this address and put back in post box

you do not need to forward it, but you can not destroy it

BulldogDrummond · 20/08/2012 16:08

I still receive post addressed to my Ex. He moved out 20 years ago so I know it's unsolicited because I know he is meticulous. If I can make use of it, I do but I do not forward it. If you receive mail for someone who no longer lives there, just write the new address on the envelope - if you know it - and put it into a post box.

TyrannoSoreArse · 20/08/2012 16:11

We still get letters addressed to occupants who moved from here 2 years ago. I spent six months writing 'return to sender' on them and sending them back (no idea where they've gone to) and now I bin them.

Longdistance · 20/08/2012 16:19

We get post at our rental for the previous owners, previous tenants. No big deal.
Our post still goes to our house that we have rented out, and my father in law collects it for us, and sends it on. Although, these people have rented our house very cheaply, so shouldn't complain. Some stuff we could change, others we can't as living in Oz.

TandB · 20/08/2012 16:40

As long as it is "proper" mail and not junk mail then I think you are perfectly reasonable to be getting pissed off now.

We had a year's redirect on our old address and the new tennants were a bit weird. The redirect didn't work properly for the first month so in the run up to Christmas there was a lot of stuff going to our old house. The tennants hadn't moved in but had been to the house and had a massive whinge to the landlord about the pile of post for us. The landlord lived next door and offered to go and get it and I was going to call in and get it from him when I was passing. They refused to give the landlord consent to enter and do that, even though the place was completely empty.

I then came across a spare key that I had forgotten to give back so I called at the house and put it through the door in an envelope with a note asking them to get in touch so I could collect the post. The door is glass and I could see post for us lying inside, including a couple of small parcels for DS1. you would have thought that the fact that I didn't just open the door and take it would be enough to reassure them that I was a reasonable person, but no. The landlord emailed them to say that I was going to call round for the post, and gave a list of days and times. There was no reply so I chanced it one evening and had the most bizarre exchange with them peering at me through the door and then opening it a crack to ask me what I wanted. When I shouted through the 1cm gap that I was there for my post they conferred and then told me there was no post. At which point I leaned sideways a bit and pointed at the large pile of post at the side of the door. They conferred a bit more and then handed me a single envelope. After a bit more argument they gave me a couple more envelopes and refused to hand over the rest.

The landlord eventually managed to get them to give up the rest of the post and the redirect system got sorted eventually and we thought that was the end of it. I then got an email from the landlord saying that the tennants were going mad because they had a large pile of post again. I apologised and arranged to call round and collect it. The lady seemed perfectly reasonable on this occasion, although the "large pile" turned out to be a single piece of obvious junk mail and a birthday card that someone had sent to the wrong address.

A few more months went by and I got an email direct from the tennant saying "It has now been 18 months since you moved out and we continue to get post for you every day. We have asked you repeatedly to collect your post and update your address and you clearly have not done so. THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE WILL WARN YOU." Her capitals, not mine.

I emailed back pointing out that no, she had not asked me repeatedly to collect post or update our address and I was entirely unaware that she was still getting post, and that on the last occasion she had mentioned getting losts of post it was actually only 2 items. I told her that all our addresses were updated and that any post still going there was unsolicited which we could do nothing about.

I got another stroppy reply, listing post that was allegedly going there. It included my bank statements, magazines, and various other things. Our bank statements come to our new address and the only magazines we subscribe to also come to this address, so either she was entirely making it up and I was going to turn up and be handed a charity collection bag and an advert for a credit card, or she didn't know that it was possible to receive junk mail without asking for it, or she wasn't reading the names on the envelope as we used to receive post constantly for the previous occupants.

I finished up telling her that I had no intention of driving miles out of my way to collect post that I didn't want, hadn't asked for and had no way of stopping short of paying for a redirect service for the rest of my life. I got a final stroppy reply telling me that everything was going in the bin from now on and that it would be my own fault if I missed out on something really important.

I said I was willing to take that chance....

ratspeaker · 20/08/2012 16:41

I think it can be a big deal
In my mums case she was forwarding on the mail for previous owners thinking she was being nice.
They hadn't informed a lot of companies about their move
Then we found out they planned to have plastic surgery, with contact address at mums, bill going to mum's...
Mum had debt collector turn up looking for them.
Police arriving as their car had been in a bump, still listed at mum's address.
Endless hassle for a not too well pensioner

diddl · 20/08/2012 16:48

I´d do what Narked said.