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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop accepting their mail?

92 replies

nightowlmostly · 20/08/2012 11:19

We moved into a new house 6 months ago, and the old owners redirected their mail for a month. Since then we have been getting a fair amount of letters for them.

I met them, they seemed pretty nice people, so I didn't mind accepting their mail and she would come round and pick it up. The last lot though, I was going away on holiday for a couple of weeks so thought I should try and get it to them before I went, so took it to their new house, not far away, and popped it in their letterbox.

I didn't ever hear anything, no thank you or acknowledgement at all, which I was a bit annoyed about tbh. We had vaguely said we'd go for a drink, and she seemed nice, I thought we could maybe become friends as we still live close to each other.

Anyway, more mail has come, even though I have asked the postie not to give me mail for them any more some still gets through. I refused to sign for a recorded delivery letter for them last week. I haven't said anything to them, I don't know how to put it, I hate confrontation. She texted me today asking if there had been any mail, I told her I'd posted some letters yesterday for them, but I suspect she was on about the recorded delivery.

So my question is, AIBU to refuse their mail without spelling it out to them? I'm just a bit annoyed, it's been 6 months! Or should I tell them that's what I've done? Or, option no 3, should I just keep on forwarding their mail for eternity?

I'm prepared to accept if I'm BU, but I hope I'm not!

OP posts:
CommaChameleon · 20/08/2012 11:48

Or, if you are concerned about why they haven't changed their address for important looking mail, you could return it to the sender by writing "Not Known At This Address" on it all and sticking it back in the post box.

BalloonSlayer · 20/08/2012 11:48

We had people like that where we used to live. When I met DH, he had lived there a year or so and we still got more Christmas cards for them than for us!

We used to redirect, or pop stuff round but got fed up in the end as they were so LAZY! We'd get car tax letters - they hadn't bothered to tell the car tax people they had moved, which I think is a legal requirement. Similarly, DH or I opened a letter from the premium bonds by mistake - they had won and the PB people had sent the cheque to the old address . . . needless to say I forwarded it immediately apologising for opening it but explaining "it has been 4 years." And they got a bit better.

After the above heavy hint the post tailed off. If anything did come addressed to them it was usually junk mail and I sometimes opened it to check it really was so I could bin it rather than forward it. Yes I know that is illegal, but I couldn't be bothered to send them a load of junk mail, it would look like I was being petty on purpose. One day some mail came from, I'd describe it as a company selling certain luxury items [trying to be vague here] that I knew the old owners were into. Assuming it was a catalogue, I decided to open it, because I had no idea how much these things cost and thought I'd like to see. To my surprise, it was a statement and a cross letter because the old owners owed the company £12,000 for one of these luxury items.

I was furious that this huge debt was attached to OUR address, and also Blush and a bit worried that I had opened this letter. So I rang the company, confessed my crime and told them the new address. They were VERY pleased to have the new address so I was off the hook.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 20/08/2012 11:48

Slightly different from you as I am not over worried about confrontation.

I would really call round to her with some of the post and let her know (as you had got on well) that it really is frustrating that post is still coming and you would really like it if she could reinstate the redirection service.

job done. if you don't want to do this then really do send to the not known at this address..

squoosh · 20/08/2012 11:49

I remember about 8 years ago my friend opened her door to some chunky bailiffs who had come to collect items of value belonging to the previous tenant. She had to scrabble about for her passport to prove she wasn't the person they were looking for.

Paiviaso · 20/08/2012 11:54

I also think the recorded delivery is suspicious, because it implies they are actively sending things to your address.

You could text, "It is becoming inconvenient to receive your post, I'm sure you have all the important stuff in order by now so I will start returning any further post to sender."

SleepyFergus · 20/08/2012 11:54

YANBU. And it is a biggie if you are being interrupted to sign for letters that aren't even for you!

We still get letters for the previous occupants from Santander bank, at least 2 a month. The previous owners moved out 8 years ago this Sept! I used to 'return to sender' but it seemed to make no diff so I phoned Santander and they can't do anything unless the account holder informs them of their new address, which I don't know either. Fustrating. Anything I get now goes in the bin. prob illegal...so sue me!

Re the recorded delivery - it could be something that gets sent out infrequently. Like a share dividend cheque or something. They might only have the old address on file. Prob something of value hence her getting in contact with you.

valiumredhead · 20/08/2012 11:55

I just can't imagine not just putting it to one side and waiting for it to be collected. - it's one parcel isn't it? Or have there been loads?

Or write 'not known at this address' and post it back in the letter box.

valiumredhead · 20/08/2012 11:56

Our mail 5 years on is from Santander too!

ratspeaker · 20/08/2012 11:57

Get a magic marker and score out their name, write not known at this address, pop back in post box.
They've had plenty time to inform all authorities ie banks, building societies, DVLA of their move.

Redirection for a year isnt too expensive.

They may seem like nice people but how does anyone know what bills they may be avoiding and you dont want to have debt collectors at your door

2rebecca · 20/08/2012 12:02

I wouldn't take round the mail. If she wants mail redirected she pays for it, there is an excellent service easily available from royal mail. I would be worried that by accepting someone else's mail they may be using my house as a cover. registered post certainly shouldn't be arriving at your house. I would have told the post man she moved out several months ago.
She shouldn't be using you as a skivvy because she is too tight to pay for redirection.
I would tell her if she asks (or phone her) that 6 months down the line you will no longer be posting on her mail and she should have paid for a year's redirection if that is what she wanted. she could still arrange that. Future mail gets return to sender on it.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 20/08/2012 12:03

YANBU. The old owners of our house didn't bother redirecting anything or changign their address with their bank, HMRC, DVLA etc. and kept coming over at odd times to pick up post. The last straw was getting a car delivered to our house. The next time they turned up I told them that this was my home, not a post office and DH was taking all their mail to work and shredding it. Ha.

CommaChameleon · 20/08/2012 12:06

OP I think on the Royal Mail website they say that they are legally obliged to deliver the post to the address on the envelope even if the name is wrong, so your postman would be breaking the law if he didn't deliver it to your house even if you have asked him not to and told him their new address.

And I'm not sure where you would stand if you had signed for the recorded delivery item. You would be responsible for it then and can you legally sign for someone else's mail? If you then didn't pass it on because you were waiting for them to come and collect it, or you did pass it on but they decided to say that they had never received it, it would be your address and your signature on the paper trail.

And we get enough mail of our own cluttering up various drawers and shelves etc and waiting to be sorted, without having to keep someone else's mail as well. The previous owners of our house were both a bit disorganised about redirecting their mail and changing their address, and he worked for the post office so you'd have thought it would be better. We are still getting random bits now and it's almost two years since we moved in. I just bin it all now because it's clearly junk mail, but I have also turned away a parcel that had to be signed for in the past.

OhLimpPricks · 20/08/2012 12:07

Just write 'gone away' on the letter, keep them to one side , and take them with you when you know you're passing a post box. No big drama, no need for confrontation or analyse why they haven't notified everyone they know.

If you bump into them , just say you returned junk mail to sender.

TheSkiingGardener · 20/08/2012 12:14

Take what you have round and tell them you may be going away for three months. Your elderly/frail/disabled relative will be checking on the house and binning anything not for you as its unreasonable to expect her to deal with their post.

Cinders22 · 20/08/2012 12:17

At the request of the previous occupier we passed on her post to a neighbour who was a friend of hers as at the time she did not have a forwarding address! This carried on for months until our dog took a bite out of one of the letters as it came through the letterbox and I could not help but see it was a final demand from a catalogue company. I went straight round with the letter to this neighbour and said I would not be forwarding on any more post.

A week later I had the bailiff's at the door due to non payment of council tax (previous occupant, not us). Fortunately once I had shown some ID he was very understanding and went away but it was quite scary. It seems they had been sending final demands too which I had been innocently passing on.

Any post I received thereafter I just crossed out the name and put "not known at this address" and eventually we stopped getting any mail.

Shangers · 20/08/2012 12:48

That's good to know about the credit rating - was a really stupid system!

iknowwho · 20/08/2012 12:55

It doesn't bother me forwarding mail on.
In the house I am in now I forwarded for about 3 years before things dwindeled and finally stop.

I am always doing 3 way swops with our post.
THe name of my street is Snape Street but near by is Snape Road and Snape Avenue. Mine is on the main route so I get post for the road and the avenue address! It's being going on for all the years I have been here!!

uselfullife · 20/08/2012 12:56

Blimey!
Just bundle it all up, and pop it through their letterbox, saying you will forward mail until a certain date
then after that date throw it away

Thumbwitch · 20/08/2012 13:03

YANBU. 6m is plenty of time for them to have sorted out their redirects - and if they're not even going to be polite about it then I think you've done enough.

Just start writing "No longer at this address" on the letters and send them back.

But it would be politer to let them know that you've had enough of doing it.

MadBusLady · 20/08/2012 13:04

Blush We are not your old house's owners (we moved 300 miles) but we are in the position they are in and I am VERY embarrassed about it. We redirected for 6 months and I kept thinking I must have changed all our addresses, but then some random phone call/email would come up from some organisation or company that couldn't get in touch with us. The trouble is I just never, ever used to look at paper billing. I use online accounts for keeping track of stuff and don't keep a mental note of the sheaves of crap people shove through the letterbox. All the random catalogues and promotions you get sent from companies you once bought a single item from Hmm. I always make sure the "don't send me sheaves of crap" box is ticked or unticked correctly, but it doesn't seem to make a scrap of difference. It's just really hard to get EVERYTHING changed. And yes, in ALL names it might be arriving in - an extra complication.

So I don't think I have been remiss about it, but at the same time I wouldn't at all blame our buyer at this stage if she was shoving it all straight in the bin. Yours is totally BU to expect you to keep forwarding/putting it through her new letterbox.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 20/08/2012 13:10

OP, it doesn't have to be confrontational, though, does it? Confused Just say to her, "Hi, we're still getting a lot of mail for you at our house - do you want to try redirecting again?" If it's bothering you to send it on, or pile it up, then you need to grow a pair and just speak to the previous owner, surely?

ZacharyQuack · 20/08/2012 13:11

Get a nice big retro "Return to Sender" stamp and stamp each letter with a big thump and bright red ink. Then chuck them in the post box.

TirednessKills · 20/08/2012 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo · 20/08/2012 13:17

what did you do with the recorded delivery slip? Can't you just tell her that it came?

StuntGirl · 20/08/2012 13:31

Just tell her you won't be able to accept any more mail for her after X date (I mean, what are you her frigging secretary?). Anything that comes after that date put back in the post with 'unknown at his address' written on it. If she was that nice she wouldn't be expecting you to do this in the first place.

We used to get loads of letters for the previous tennents, some junk some from the vets/dentists etc. We gave the first few to our landlord (he's her dad) and after that put everything else in the post. We still get the odd bit through but it's all obviously junk now, so I just stick it in the post or bin.

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