To not make my husband his lunch?

[Tangointhenight]

Was chatting to MIL today, we don't have a brilliant relationship but I wouldn't call it awful in any way.

Anyway the subject came up about me returning to work after a year off on Maternity leave (took a year due to health reasons)and progressed to her finding out I don't make my DH, her PFB, a packed lunch every night ( he works in a factory with a horrible canteen so takes a sandwich etc).

She catabum mouthed me and told me it was terrible that im at home all day doing nothing while he works FT he at least deserves his lunch made

I cook his dinner every night, wash and iron his clothes, do all the housework and shopping myself, run to the post office on his errands(he has a business too), look after 10 month old, mow our lawn etc. is it really that awful not to make him his lunch FFS??

I think I'm not but MIL and subsequently my mum think I'm BU and should be standing every night sorting out his lunchbag for the next day.

BTW before baby came everything in our house was split 50/50 and I am going back to work part time in a few weeks.

So AIBU?

my dh never again asked me to do his lunch after I cut his sandwiches into little squares without crusts (he worked on a building site!)

Yanbu

Do what works for you as a family and smile broadly (less wrinkle inducing than the catsbum mouth look your MIL goes for! ).

Worra that made me

Everyone in our house makes their own lunch, including the children, who've done it since they were about 10!

Working hard outside the home doesn't entitle anyone to not lift a finger inside it!

I make DHs lunch each evening . I enjoy thinking up different things to give him . He enjoys eating it. Win win.

Sometimes I make it, sometimes he does.

Someone has to do the kids' packed lunches when they're at school so it's not exactly difficult to make an extra one for DH.

I stopped making DH's lunch years ago when I suddenly thought "why the fuck can't he make his own lunch" Even when I was off onmat leave I didn't go back to doing this and see no reason why I should have. Agree it's probably a generational thing as both my mum and MIL think I am a 'bad wife' for not doing his lunch

Yanbu - I do make a packed lunch for dp most days but I don't do his ironing, hoover or mow the lawn.

As long as you are both getting stuck in and you are both happy with how you split the jobs then I don't see that it matters who does what.

I do think it's a generation thing to some extent. Mil has never worked so thinks it's funny that dp does so much housework. DM always worked full time so I grew up in a family where it was survival of the fittest at meal times and my dad can more or less look after himself

YANBU my MIL also thinks its a disgrace that I don't cook the evening meal, DH works 4 til 2am and cooks a meal around 2pm as he takes some to work in a thermos.
He also does the ironing, am sure that is frowned upon by her as well.

My father went to stay with my aunt not long before he died. When he came home he passed an orange to my mother to peel for him! I think she made it clear that he couldn't expect that sort of service once he came home.

This reminds me of my ex PIL's. Me and xh wanted to take mil out to the cinema but fil was on nights and wanted us to go to a later showing so mil could make him a cuppa before he left!

FFS this is a grown man! Why would you make him a packed lunch regardless if you are on maternity leave or not - he should make his own. Your child yes, your partner no way!!! Bit off your particular point but there is a lot of inequality these days as even if a woman works certain view points seem to be that she is still expected to do the lions share of the child care and house work. This was traditionally done years ago because of lot of women didn't work. If you are both working it should all be 50/50.

H makes his and the kids lunches, while I do hair, supervise getting dressed (I swear my 6 year old DS would wear the same Batman pants for the rest of his life if I let him!), pack bags etc. Then he walks them to school on his way to work.

My mother was horrified once that I wasnt going to be there when he walked in the door getting dinner ready! I was v v pg and the older ones were....somewhere, cant remember where, so it was just me and him for that meal. I was at mums and she said, hadnt I better go as he would be back soon. I didnt get what she was saying and said it was ok, he had his keys. "But you should be there when he gets home, and you need to get his dinner on!" I said that I was sure I could trust him on his own for a bit, and if he was hungry then he knew where the fridge was! Oh boy did I get catsbum for that.

I should add that I had severe SPD and couldnt walk most of the time, so he was doing most stuff, but I should still be making his meal!

I occasionally remember the ingredients for dp's sandwiches. 'Have I any water cress?' he might ask hopefully but as for actually making it NO NO NO. We are NOT slaves! It's as bad as them not packing their own suitcases or leaving their dirty plates on the table instead of taking that nano-second walk to the dishwasher.

Hahaha YANBU!

When I was on first on mat leave my DH would make me a sandwich when he made his and leave it in the fridge for me (clingy baby). Now I'm back at work he makes our lunches before bed every night after he has done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen.

when I was unemployed, and actually before that too when I had Fridays off I did everthing in the house but both DS's and DH made their own lunches. when I got my new job full time I said things needed to change cos I was stressing so much over keeping the place nice. Ok said DH we will have a family cleaning day each week and will all muck in to get the place shipshape, also he said, you wash and I will iron. I was but 2 months later its still working, and I no longer stress over things, somedays if I can be arsed I will run the hoover round or clean a sink / loo more than once a week when the place needs it but sometimes I just go meh it will get done on Thursday and leave it.... liberated!

Your MIL is being interfering and unfair (and terribly old-fashioned). It's also a pointless bit of interference, because your DH clearly (and rightly) has no problem making his own lunch.

My grandmother was like this. She thought men should be waited on hand and foot. If my father ever dared to approach the kettle while she was staying my grandmother would say sadly 'Eh, fancy, poor XX having to make his own tea'. Cue serious irritation from my mother and silent staring at shoes from everyone else. My male cousin once dared feed his own child in her presence and my grandmother nearly exploded with outrage.

I am sometimes amazed at how quickly our civilisation has gone from one in which men were revered and waited on hand and foot to one where, for the most part, they don't get that treatment. Must be disorienting for older generations.

Bloody good job though.

my mum proudly tells her old cronies friends that my DH is 'so good' cos he changed a few nappies when the kids were little and can make a cheese sauce. she tells me 'I don't know I'm born with a DH like mine mainly cos my Dad could'nt even stir a spoonful of sugar into his own tea! older generation stuff I guess but thank goodness it's changing.

maybe MIL can make his lunch for him ?

My MIL still makes DH's packup along with FILs (they work together). She was happy to continue when she realised if he did it himself it would be marmite sandwich every day and I wouldn't be making them.

I think traditionally men were supposed to polish the family's shoes once a week too. You could refer to an old Peter and Jane book for further examples of manly jobs - I think raking leaves and building bonfires was another one. On the other hand your dh might be happier just making his lunch...

Just on a side note, does you DH have access to a microwave ? I buy a selection of WW frozen ready meals when they are 3 for £3 in asda and stick them in the freezer at work. Much less bother than making stupid sandwiches.

I prepare dp dinner for work I alternate between left overs steak bacon butties omelettes if I’m feeling unwell I use leftover dinners I.e roasts or lasagna etc I am at home right now so he is my priority

Just a heads up for anyone reading and planning to reply - this thread is from 2012!!

Edited. Fooled by yet another zombie thread.

Why on earth are you mowing the bloody grass?