in spending money we don't have to go and see my father?

[Alliwantisaroomsomewhere]

My dad lives 6,000 miles from us - well, I moved away and now have a family 6,000 from him! Mum died a few years ago. Dad will be 80 next year and I am worried that if we don't see him again soon (we saw him last 4 years ago) that we will run out of time and never see him again. He is not ill, but is getting on a bit!

We do not have enough savings for me, DH and DS to go. I don't want to go without them. I do have credit available to me use, though, to pay for our tickets to see him.

WIBU to put myself (further) in (manageable) debt to see him again? I am scared of spending money I don't have and scared of never seeing him again.

Bit of a dilemma. He has suggested that I fly him to us, but there are other people that I would also like to see. Also, if he came over he would come with his partner and they would in all likelihood spend most of their time here with her daughter.

AIBU in wanting to spend the money to go and see him?

YANBU

Not at all.

I think you would regret it if you didn't.

Could you pay for him to fly to you instead - that way he sees the whole family

4 years is a long time not to see a nearly 80 year old parent. I would
spend the money on 1 ticket for him to come over rather than 3 tickets for your family to all go there though (unless the other people
You want to see are elderly also). Surely your DF would not spend all his time with his DP's DD?

YANBU
It's not like you are putting yourself into (further manageable) debt to buy a new kitchen or conservatory that you don't really need it's to see a loved one who has the real possibility of not being around in the next five years. Of course he might live to 100 but it's not a risk I'd want to take of never having the chance to see them again.

If the debt can be managed, then I'd say YANBU & may regret it. It is a tough one though (obviously otherwise you wouldn't be asking here!).

Having him come to me is not the best option, because he has not flown for about 40 years. Also, he is very financially dependent on his partner (and I have no doubt that they adore each other, but my dad has nothing). He would only come here if she did. She is lovely but a very strong character and it is VERY likely that they would spend most of their time here with her DD.

I think the idea of paying for the tickets now and getting the bulk of it paid before we go is a good idea.

Thanks for all the replies!

I would buy one ticket for myself and go alone, if I were in your shoes. But that's me, I understand that is not an option for you.

YANBU
Fly him to you if he is fit enough and if not go and visit
some things are more important than money

Could you go without DH? This would almost halve the costs and whilst not ideal it would mean a big saving. How old is your DD? Its a lot cheaper to fly if she is still under two.

I´d also go alone if him coming over was not an option.

Or just you & son?

Go see your dad as long as you can pay back your cc or however you are going to pay but you may not get many chances to see him .

I'd do it. You can't put a price on some things.

For me there would be two options:

1. Tell father you can buy him a ticket but cannot afford to pay for ticket for his partner/her daughter (though you would be very happy for them to join him, at their expense), or

2. Buy ticket for yourself and your child to visit father.

Go see your dad, he probably won't be around for much longer. You'll regret it if you don't.

YANBU. But maybe you could go without DP if money is an issue? But definitely do it. There are some situations when it really is ok to say 'it's only money' and this is one of them IMO.

ARGH! Dh is being a twat about this - not as if the decision is hard enough to make. I asked him tonight about him taking leave for us to go, he said we cannot afford it, I said I know but we have to go, he says I chose to move away from my family (he is not usually such a fuckwit), I said I would go alone, DS starts crying...

Ho hum. I have to go so I will go. DH will hopefully realise he is being a fucking arsehole and will take leave so the 3 of us can go together which is what I would ideally like.

I will just start saving like made in the mean time.
PS anyone need a babysitter???

Why can´t you go without your husband?

Can you and dc go without dh?

If the debt is manageable, saving that amount will be easier. If you moved out for your DH then it would be reasonable to ask him to help make saving it a priority.

I would go without a seconds thought. Regret is a lot harder to live with than debt you can pay off!

Diddl, I could go without DH but I would really prefer him to come with me. I want everyone to see him again and my dad is very fond of him. The fact that DH would throw a HUGE fit if I went without him is not really relevant to the fact that I would like him to go, too.

Hmmm.... I am going to go the saving route first.

BTW, DH would be really upset because he is quite juvenile in some ways and has already said that he always get the raw end of the deal and always takes second best... this was when I suggested DS and I go alone. All a bit silly, really.

I only asked because I´m a bit of a coward as regards travelling alone & have got too used to just following husband around airports & not thinking for myself.

At the end of the day, if you can´t afford for you all to go then you can´t & a compromise is needed.