To not be a helicopter mummy at soft play?

[WelshMaenad]

I'm at soft play with dc's (6 and 2). There's a sign on the large play frame saying under threes can use it if ACCOMPANIED by an adult. There are parents actually following their perfectly capable toddlers through foam rollers and sitting in the ball pool.

I am refusing to engage in this madness and am on a sofa with a coffee. I am being glared at as though I were a butcher of small children. DS is part spidermonkey, very capable of negotiating large playframe alone, and I do have a vague idea of where he is. Also, my dd is disabled and probably needs my attention more! AIBU?

I think the sign is just there to cover themselves if a child gets injured.I don't sthink you need to follow it slavishly. If your child was drastically out of the age range eg it had been an area for say over 7s or if your DC had been say 16m then you would be U.

I am going to sit on the fence about this. I do think children need to learn to sort out differences amongst themselves. However I used to stay with DD in the main soft play area because this is what was requested for under 4s. Also she was not a good climber and we used to have a lot of fun together.

Virtually every time I was in the soft play with DD we would come across a child in tears who had got stuck or lost. It did piss me off that I was having to sort out other people's children because they couldn't be arsed.

I would not recommend following small children round the soft play climbing bit too stealthily as I had to go in and rescue my SEN DS at a birthday party (only reason I would ever go there!!) and, gulp, got stuck in a child size squeeze through bit

I have no idea how anyone else's child behaves in a soft play area at the age of 2 though, so do not feel qualified to judge your reasonableness on this occasion.

I do hate the word cuppa though, if that helps?

Surely it's more dangerous having great clod hopping adults in the kids equipment??

goodness me! Just because she's not shadowing the child's every footstep doesn't mean the child isn't being looked after. If she had a toddler who was a biter, prone to hitting for no reason, then gathering by the comments the OP made, I'm pretty sure she would be more on top of things.

I think that the other parents are taking the sign too literally. Or it is a softplay where they've had some sort of incident. In all the soft plays I've been too, none have required that parents actually follow an under 3 around. I would expect that parents of children under 3 keep an eye on them so they don't spoil things for others, but I don't think parents should be getting in there with the child unless the child wants them to.

Yanbu my mum always left me and my sister to it and we were fine

Depends how well behaved your DC's are IMO. I know my 2 year old DD would never hit another child bug I still watch her very closely in soft play places as she's been hit by older children in those places before. Last week a 7/8 girl year old hit her on the head as she went past her. Unfortunately the child's parents were nowhere to be seen, if they had of been I'd have had a word! Yes you have to leave them to it sometimes and kids will be kids but some children at those places are just spiteful

As long as you don't mind when another parent has to make your ds take turns, or stay away from their child, then YANB quite so U.

But I think you should be closer than sitting on the sofa, partly to play with your child, partly to make sure your child doesn't hurt anyone else or can recieve praise for waiting his turn etc, and partly so that he doesn't get hurt by other children.

Oh how I'd love to sit on the side with a cup of coffee. Ds2 (aged3) doesn't like other children being loud so I have to go with him. Ds1 just thinks its more fun with mum in tow, for the first few laps at least. We do not go often.

I don't understand why another adult would 'make him stay away from their child'? If you don't want your kids to play with other kids, stay at home, no? It's what I do when i want one on one interaction with him. Which he gets plenty of, so I feel no guilt turfing him into play areas for an hour or two of blowing off steam.

I'm sure everyone will be delighted to hear that no serious incidents occurred, despite my lax irresponsible parenting, and he declared to have had "big fun".

Helicopter Parent here and proud! I go to softplay to play WITH my DS and have several cheeky goes down the waterfall slides. Plus, I actively dislike parents who sit by the side whilst their sometimes lovely (but more often tiresome) children end up roughly pushing past my DS, jumping queues, hitting him or (horror of horrors) expect me to look at/after them and praise their every yawn-inducing move. I'm afraid I am no more fascinated by other children's moves than I am with their nose-clench-inducing poos (whereas I still stare at DS with a sense of wonder whenever he squeezes out the equivalent of boulders into a too-shallow potty).

So, my verdict - YABU, because somewhere out there is someone who is probably having to play surrogate-parent to your son whilst they are there to play/spend time with their own kids. However, if your DD is disabled and unable to use the facilities at softplay, it seems a shame for her brother to miss out. Therefore, your actions A(on the balance of probabilities)NBU, but your attitude definitely is.

How's that for supporting, fence-sitting, and insulting all at the same time?

Nope, he doesn't require surrogate parenting! If he needs adult input, I provide it from the sidelines. He's just genuinely happy and busy playing/climbing. I'm not sure why it's impossible to comprehend that a toddler might be generally well behaved and active and not actually need or want to be followed around. Maybe because I'm just used to him?

Maybe you think that because you only see him from the sidelines or when he comes over (when - and this is key - you can see EACH OTHER!) If I had a pound for each time the parent of a monster kid told me, "Oh, he/she's an angel that's happy to play by themselves, take their own turn etc" when I've just seen the kid's horns disappear back into his/her head upon seeing their parents, I'd be a millionaire ... (and yes, I go to softplay that often!).

Not read the whole thread but I love going into soft play with ds. And always feel like I'm missing out now as I have to sit out with his baby sister. Can't wait till she's big enough to go in with "supervision"

OR, maybe it's a judgement based on many hours of watching my child playing, and understanding how his little mind works?

But I thought you generally only had a vague idea of where he was

In any event, anyone proud about not being a helicopter parent at softplay doesn't actually get it - pre-DS, I'd wistfully look at swings/slides in park play areas whilst casting hexes at the "under 14s only" signs that dotted the border gates. Now, I get to cross the pearly gates and have as much fun as I want with someone I consider the most amazing being in the world. Life doesn't get much better than that ...

I am also the person who takes DS to deserted open ground for water-pistol fights, or happily transports two diddi-cars in a taxi to open spaces with level ground so we can race each other to our hearts' content. I also have a DIY ball pool at home, which doubles up as a secret playhouse in which DS and I take shelter from the numerous Ben10 villains that stalk our house. A book and a coffee is my de rigeur commuting routine and I spend all day in front of a computer screen - so I usually think it strange that that counts as some people's idea of fun .... however, I can get that whilst I'm having fun, you get to have fun your way - the only difference is that your idea of fun can impede on my fun time (whether you see it/choose to acknowledge it or not), whereas mine doesn't on yours

Ooohhh passive aggressive much Listering?

You know there is a middle ground between total negelect and total helicoptering you know? Most sensible parents manage to navigate that path and everyone has a nice time......wel as nice a time as you can have in softplayhell

I never said what she was doing was neglectful (and there's nothing passive about my aggression either - I was in full-on snake-bite mode!) - I do however think her attitude towards other parents that aren't impeding on her time in any way at all is sad. But, to each their own. She's having fun, I'm having fun, everyone's most people are having fun (just so long as I don't have to deal with their kids! )

OMG LISTERING YOU'RE AMAZING. WILL YOU BE MY MUMMY?

Thanks for the chapter and verse on why you're an infintely superior parent. Amazingly, when not neglecting my kids at soft play, we do lots of things as a family that are fun and amazing too. I don't really feel the need to list them. At soft play, however, their preferred fun is to go and play with other kids or by themselves, mine is to watch from the sidelines. It really doesn't 'impede' on anyone, if they need help or appear to be about to pester a helicoptering grownup, I intervene. I don't often need to intervene because they don't often pester grownups.

Vague as in, I know where in the playframe he is, and when taking my eyes off him to MN on Iphone, it takes me no more than 10-15 seconds to visually locate him again.

Oooh everybody listen to Listening.

She's perfect.

OP - "AIBU?"
Lots of MN - "Yes"
OP - "No, I'm not and I don't need your parenting advice anyway!"

So why ask?!!!

Litmus test of the prevailing mood today, crashdoll. I amswered that ages ago, keep up!

You don't often intervene because you can only intervene when you see it happening - my point being, you can't always see it happening. Then again, if it only takes you 10-15 seconds to locate him, you're obviously not as "unhelicoptering" as you would like others to think you are (that, or you're using a timer, which then begs the question why.)

I also find it interesting how you're sarcastically (I think!) calling me superior, when your OP was kind of about how superior you are about not having to follow your DS around

Gah, anyway, time to wake DS up from his nap so I can go be superior again ...

(And I'd be more than happy to be your mummy - as my child, I'm sure I would (rightly or wrongly) find you absolutely wonderful! My also-perfect DS would attest to that!)

Yes, obviously I'm using a timer.