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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have sat down on a "saved" bench

41 replies

RevoltingChildren · 18/08/2012 10:14

We took the dc to an adventure playground this week. When we got there it started throwing it down so everyone ran fi cover. There was a wooden shelter with some benches around the edges. Obviously there were no seats do people were standing, leaning against the bench etc.

We were eating a picnic lunch so we did the best we could standing up

When the rain cleared and the kids went off to play I became aware that one of the benches had become free but there were bags on it and underneath it. The bench next to it had a woman sitting on one half and bags on the other half. Another woman was perched on the arm of the "empty" bench as she couldn't sit down.

After about 10 mins i saw that some of the bags had been moved slightly, the woman sitting had been visited by her friend and child who had taken something out of the bag and then gone off again without sitting down so I made my way to the empty bench and squished on the corner. There were bags at my feet which I didn't touch so it was a squash. I managed to squish up enough to let the woman perched on the arm sit down

Well I got daggers glared at me from the woman taking up two seats on the bench next to me. When her friend came back again about 10-15 mins later she said to me "I was sitting there". The first woman said I tried to tell her. All our stuff is on and underneath that bench

I was calm I didn't rise to the bait just said calmly you cannot expect to save two benches )4 seats) for all that time when people are standing. Originally there had been mums trying to feed babies/more elderly/infirm looking grandparents etc none of them able to sit down.

AIBU as she they obviously thought I was. I just ignored her and carried on reading my paper only standing up when someone who I felt needed a seat more than me came along. Can you save seats in that way ( though why they needed 4 seats for 2 people us beyond me as the kids did nothing more than pop back for the odd drink etc

OP posts:
whois · 18/08/2012 10:16

She was being unreasonable. Leave your seat in a busy area and expect to loose it!

puds11 · 18/08/2012 10:17

you sat on a saved bench?

usualsuspect · 18/08/2012 10:17

I would have sat down as well. YANBU.

puds11 · 18/08/2012 10:17

Oh yeah and, on your feet loose your seat. Thems the rues Smile

susiedaisy · 18/08/2012 10:18

YANBU a bench in a public area is there for everyone to use and as soon as you stand up and move away you have lost your seat to someone else as far as I'm concerned! good for you for saying something!!Smile

mellen · 18/08/2012 10:19

YANBU, she was.

SillySollySandy · 18/08/2012 10:19

Use it or lose it.

in my fantasy world, in real life I would be far too polite to do that

Flisspaps · 18/08/2012 10:20

TWBU. I'd have sat down sooner though, but if DS needs feeding then I'll sit pretty much wherever I see an empty seat.

DH OTOH would have asked sitting-woman to move their stuff to the one bench.

MsKayGee · 18/08/2012 10:20

Benches are for sitting on, not resting bags on. I would have moved the bags to the floor and spread out Grin YANBU.

RevoltingChildren · 18/08/2012 10:21

Dh and I were texting each other comments at the fine lol (he was still standing)

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 18/08/2012 10:21

You sound like you handled it perfectly.

RevoltingChildren · 18/08/2012 10:23

Thing is I can get a bee in my bonnet sometimes and am known for my arsiness when something gets my goat do was quite proud if myself for not rising - but wondered whether it was just me.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 18/08/2012 10:25

YWNBU. They were selfish and silly.

EightiesChick · 18/08/2012 10:26

YANBU. Benches are free for all, no one has a claim to retain one. It's not as if she was paying rent on it! Well handled.

RevoltingChildren · 18/08/2012 10:28

It wasn't just one bench she was trying to save it was two!

OP posts:
spiffysquiffyspiggy · 18/08/2012 10:33

I would have moved their bags and sat down earlier so you were more restrained than I would have been Grin. But then I always make a point of going up to the person on the rush hour train who has decided that their bag needs a seat all of its own and asking them to move it so I can sit down.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 18/08/2012 10:35

She was BU.

Saving seats is fine if you're choosing particular ones and others are left free. Saving seats when people are left standing up is childish.

Ephiny · 18/08/2012 10:39

YANBU, they were rude to take up seats with their bags when people were standing (especially if there were older people and mums with babies in their arms!) No one gets to 'reserve' a seat while they wander off for 10-15 minutes - you use it or lose it!

TandB · 18/08/2012 10:42

YANBU You can't save benches when there is such limited seating. It's a bit different if someone walks away for a few seconds to sort a child out and then comes straight back, but if you are going away for long periods of time then you don't need a seat.

It's a bit different at places where there are lots of seats and where you are intended to sit down if you know what I mean. I was at a big soft play where they have 2 hour limits in busy periods and the staff manage the seating quite efficiently - so if someone is on their own and at a 6 seater table they will be asked to move to a smaller table or to share. I had been there for about an hour, sitting on a sofa by the baby bit. I had a notebook on the table as I was doing some work. I had a cup of tea and a muffin. The baby was asleep in a bouncer right next to the sofa so I walked across the room to watch DS1 come down the slide. In the 30 seconds it took me to get to the slide, I looked back and saw another woman who had been sitting nearby trying to move my stuff and install herself and her children on the sofa. There is no way that she thought I was leaving. I walked back over and politely pointed out that I was going to be returning in about 2 minutes and she got quite sniffy and said that she didn't think you should be able to save seats if you weren't actually sitting in them. I asked her whether that included going to the toilet but she didn't answer that!

I wonder if she was planning on eating my muffin....

Sabriel · 18/08/2012 10:44

Ooh you are braver than me. We went into a soft play/ slide area of an attraction with insufficient seats this week, and noticed that 3 empty seats had been 'saved' with coats and bags. I really wanted to move them but wasn't brave enough. In all the time we were standing nobody came to claim their stuff.

We did once at a holiday park pinch a table that had been reserved with coats, and had a huge stand-up row with a fishwife a woman when the family finally arrived. Similar situation, standing room only and no sign of the owners of the coats. They'd gone back to their caravan for tea.

yellowraincoat · 18/08/2012 10:44

YANBU

If you're not sitting on it, it's not yours.

janey68 · 18/08/2012 10:47

YANBU- I would have been tempted to chuck the bags off and rest my feet on them! How ridiculous to think you can 'save' a public bench!

GWenlockMaryLacey · 18/08/2012 10:47

I would have sat down sooner too. Complete with a 'loud parenting' comment to DH for luck :o

TroublesomeEx · 18/08/2012 11:31

Saving seats doesn't work once you've left primary school.

MurderOfProse · 18/08/2012 13:36

YANBU in these circumstances.

If somebody has got up for just a minute or two then it's a bit mean to take their seat (I'm still internally fuming over an incident when I was pregnant/SPD suffering at a buffet and somebody dived in when I got up briefly to put food on my plate and then sneered "5 second rule" at me when I returned) but obviously this wasn't the case.

It's one of my bugbears at DD1's swimming actually - the "Spectators" bit is really meant for watching the big pool. Only the seats on one side have a view of the little pool where half the lessons take place so those seats are coveted.

Time and time again I arrive carrying DS (now 15 months, so I can't easily stand with him for long) and can't find anywhere to sit where I can watch DD's lesson because people have "saved" the seats with coats, bags etc. I presume they're off getting their children changed, but they take up to three quarters of the lesson I want to watch to do so. Half of them don't even stay once they have their DCs changed - they just pick up those bags and coats "saving" the seats and leave. I have to admit I've taken to pushing their stuff out the way because I have more need to watch the swimming lesson than a bunch of coats and bags.

Essay over Grin