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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to let my friend round till she teachs her 3yr old some manners?

65 replies

alwaysinthebackground · 18/08/2012 07:51

Had the afternoon from hell the otherday, my friend brought her son round to play, i know kids get excited when round other peoples houses but this was beyond that.

Soon as he got here he raided my cupboards looking for sweets, screamed when i said i dont have any,he found the boys easter egg stash ( i know ive still got easter eggs :s)proceeded to stamp and smash them, i did tell him off but my friend just laughed.

I did plan to do some painting/crafts with them but changed my mind when
He managed to pull a blind off my window, smash the glass in my door by slamming the backdoor, broke a toy and hit my 7month on the head.
My friend was not happy that i kept telling him off (just a stern voice, telling him its not ok to slam my door etc)
At this point i asked her leave as this was not acceptable behaviour in my eyes.
My boys are not angels but i can be confident that when i take them round peoples house they are not going to trash it.

My friend thinks ive overreacted? Aibu? What would you do?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 18/08/2012 09:25

Omg Truth that is awful and shocking

pigletmania · 18/08/2012 09:26

Omg Truth that is awful and shocking

CecilyP · 18/08/2012 09:30

That is really extreme behaviour - all those incidents in a single visit. So you have not over-reacted at all. I agree with exoticfruits that if you want to keep the friendship, just meet up in the park in future.

anditwasallyellow · 18/08/2012 09:36

Yanbu, 3 year olds can be difficult and at times make their parents wish the ground would swallow them up, But no way would a just allow ds to behave like that in my own house let alone someone elses. Did she offer to pay for all the damage?

TruthSweet · 18/08/2012 09:36

It was horrible to be honest, I was so worried for DD2 anyway as she was really ill and she just wasn't bothered at all. No one can tell her son off or even imply his behaviour is anything less than stellar.

Once he (at ~3y) climbed on top of DD1 at a mothers' group and was squashing her into the floor so I tried to encourage DD1 to get away by calling her over for a snack. XF took her son and left and didn't speak to me for 2 weeks even though I said nothing to her son or to her about her stopping his behaviour even though he was obviously hurting DD1 (she was crying out).

I do miss her though as she was an absolute rock when I was ill with PND-OCD and we were so close. My children have to come first though Sad

pigletmania · 18/08/2012 09:47

Truth she is no friend at all. I would never allow that type of behaviour from my Autistic dd

pigletmania · 18/08/2012 09:47

Truth she is no friend at all. I would never allow that type of behaviour from my Autistic dd

lalaloopylou · 18/08/2012 09:55

YANBU I would be mortified if my ds did these things
My ds can get a bit lively have to tell him off for being a bit heavy handed with younger children and toys but breaking somebody's back door and raiding their cupboards!?!...sounds like this child has no boundaries!
Maybe speak text or ring her and say you are upset by her dc's behaviour and see what she has to say, at the very least she should be offering money towards the damage and an apology from her dc

Eggrules · 18/08/2012 09:58

My DS has a friend and his first visit was as wild. I found the parents to be feckless and just didn't discipline him at al (they send him to school for that Hmm)

The third visit was better. I warned the parents about the 'my house my rules' policy. Starting off with very clear rules probably wasn't very welcoming but it did the trick. I made it clear if anyone misbehaved after a warning the visit would be at an end. My DS is lively but his friend is extreme. It is much easier to have him visit without his parent/s.

Do you want to keep the friendship?

EldritchCleavage · 18/08/2012 10:03

My sister once walked into her living room during a visit from a friend to see her watching her 3 year old daughter scribbling on the wall with felt pen. The mother was weakly saying "Oh, now don't do that please, XXX, you'll spoil the nice wall". The armchair had already been decorated. Taking the pen off her child and telling her off didn't seem to have occurred to friend. That friendship didn't last. And no, no money was offered for cleaning/re-painting.

perfectstorm · 18/08/2012 10:04

YANBU at all. A lot of kids will act up at 3 if nobody intervenes. It's your job as a parent to teach your kid other people have rights, and to calm them down when they get hyper enough to be destructive of property/others/selves. Not to just waft about ineffectually while they create mayhem. The poor little boy. He's not getting any parenting worth the name, and she is laying up all sorts of problems for him in future, I think. He's going to find school a huge shock to his system and he's unlikely to be popular if he breaks the other kids' things, either.

Truth, I think she's a terrible parent! Shockingly bad, if she is even angry when other mothers subtly protect their own kids from his violence. I'm afraid I think that a mother like that with an aggressive and violent son is a recipe for trouble, and I can only hope he is at heart a nice child who will respond well to school discipline, and develop some empathy and self discipline that way. It is sad, though, when she has been great to you in the past. But she is very much not being great to her poor little boy by raising him to be an entitled, egocentric little monster.

MammaTJisanOlympicSumoWrestler · 18/08/2012 11:09

A rare thing indeed, this unanimous AIBU.

I will add mine to the list of YANBU.

In coming years she will claim he has SN, I would bet money on it. He just has a neglectful mother. Yes, lack of dicipline, lack of teaching how to behave in the world is neglect.

I am not saying that parents of SN children do this. I am awaiting assessment for my DD atm, but she still gets disciplined, and for all I worry about her behaviour, she has never been like your friends DS.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 18/08/2012 11:39

YANBU at all. I have a nephew like this. He started at around 3. He is 6 now and still like this, possibly due to behaviour issues (nothing has been confirmed) but also imo because his parents let so much slide before they blow up, hence very mixed messages.

It makes me sad that my DD (4) who is no angel herself at times, is refusing to spend anytime with her cousin because in her words "she is totally sick of him and his horribleness!" I'm taking my DC's side in this. This woman continues to let her boy behave this way with no repurcussions she will find other children and their parents will take a similar stance to yourself and me and my DD.

lovebunny · 18/08/2012 13:12

you were right and you are right not to have her, or him, at your house again. who wants to know a child who behaves like that? is he able to control his behaviour? if he has additional needs there might be scope for giving him some leeway but still, i think he behaviour makes him an unwelcome guest.

lovebunny · 18/08/2012 13:13

his, not he. his behaviour.

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