Is my husband being selfish or aibu?

[Hippymama]

My husband works full time whilst I am a sahm looking after our 10 month old baby. I work part time doing 2 small jobs and earn on average £60 a week, which pays for our groceries. My husband's wages pay most of our bills etc.

We don't have much spare money and that is fine. We took the decision for me to be a mostly sahm so we knew things would be tight.

I am pissed off though because my husband has just got an iPad through his phone contract and although when we agreed in theory that it would be a shared iPad it has become apparent that I am not going to be using it. It's all set up with him as a user (I don't think you can set up multiple accounts?) and he won't allow me to download any apps that I want to use (mumsnet, pinterest etc). We do have a laptop so he says I can use that, which is true, but the iPad is easier for surfing the net and also there are the apps, camera etc.

I'm just a bit annoyed that he thinks he can go out and spend all this money on something fun for himself to play with, whilst all my money is spent on things for the family. I can't remember the last time I bought myself something so am a little hurt that he thinks that this is fair.

His response is go get a job if you want money to spend on stuff but it's not that easy. We have no family nearby and the cost of childcare is prohibitive so I can only work round his shifts.

I'm just so fed up. Aibu in thinking my husband is a selfish git?

yanbu he should share it

Yeah, he's being a selfish Gadget Boy. He really doesn't want you to be able to use it.

Not sure what you could take away from him though.

Bill the selfish fucker for childcare and buy yourself one!! He's a Selfish twat!

He is being a horrible, selfish, nasty arsehole.

He's a twat.

Seriously? He won't share his ipad with his wife!?!?!

Tell him you are no longer sharing your vagina with him.

He's normally lovely so I'm a bit shocked at his attitude about this. We have had a big row and I'm now upstairs crying my eyes out :( I am due to receive some money next week for my holidays whilst I was on maternity but that money is going on boring household things. I am so tempted to blow the lot, but I know I won't do that.

If I were you I would look for a job working round his shifts so that he can do his share of childcare/housework or you could economise on the groceries to save £5/10 a week to buy one for yourself. You know - omelette one night, baked potato and beans another. Not forgetting tesco value pasta in a basic homemade tomato sauce. He might help you save up to get there a bit quicker .

He's being unfair and childish. Ask him exactly why he thinks it's ok to spend family money on a really expensive item, for just himself, without discussion? He's behaving like a mini tyrant.

So your wages pay for the groceries, and his wages pay for the bills, mortgage, clothes, baby items, leisure activities and holidays, etc.?

Just saying, like.

If he's not going to share, get him to buy you your own.

You're supposed to be a team, with shared finances, and a sense of being united. He is being really controlling and divisive!!

Seriously this would be a huge issue for me. HUGE. DP got a bonus back in may, we both work (myself part time) but he still asked me if he could buy it, and whilst it is "his" i am free to use it as is DS! The attitude and the comments would of sent me into an absolute rage. What an arsehole

It being an ipad for those o you who arent psychic

Throwing caution to the wind here - I'd rather have a laptop - those ipad things are waaaaay too new fangled!

If you were to get a job would you be expected to organise and pay for childcare? Would he do his share of the housework?

He sounds like he has behaved like a little kid with a new toy, the attitude towards you getting a job makes it sound like their is conflict about you working fewer hours outside the home.

It baffles me when the partner who works out of the home has this kind of attitude. If their partner stays at home in order to raise the child/ren just where do they think their partners money comes from? Or are they supposed to do without everything while they're out of the paid workforce? Which could be a decade or more depending on how many kids you have. Mind boggling.

OP YANBU, your husband is. He either needs to share as originally agreed or give you an equal amount to buy an iPad/whatever you want.

How selfish and horrible.

It's unfair and he ibu

You don't need to find a job around his shifts. You can just find a job and you both have to find the childcare and pay half if they overlap. If you could get a job around his shifts then it'll save the family money, but it's absolutely not entirely your problem to work around him - he needs to work around you too.

You both have 50/50 responsibility for your children - if he wants to prevent you from working outside of the home because he wants you to look after the children more than 50% of the time then he needs to share the money he gains by doing that.

I'm sure you could find a nice little job Op, when he's home doing the childcare.
Then buy your own i pad.

He sounds like a small and selfish child who doesn't want to share his toys with anyone else.

He's not only selfish but also a liar. He made an agreement and is now pretending he didn't.

I really don't understand why he can't download a few apps for you to use. What is his rationale for that?

My dh got an iPad when they first came out and the whole family used to use it. The kids had all sorts of apps on it

I have my own now though

YANBU

Forget about finding a job that works around his. Find a job, arrange childcare and bill him for half. Your dc is 50% his responsibility.

How ridiculous. I can understand a phone being personal (though I got a few iOS-only games specifically for DH on my phone as he's on android) but an iPad? That's so childish, "no it's mine you can't touch it" type thing what a pathetic attitude.