Is my husband being selfish or aibu?

[Hippymama]

My husband works full time whilst I am a sahm looking after our 10 month old baby. I work part time doing 2 small jobs and earn on average £60 a week, which pays for our groceries. My husband's wages pay most of our bills etc.

We don't have much spare money and that is fine. We took the decision for me to be a mostly sahm so we knew things would be tight.

I am pissed off though because my husband has just got an iPad through his phone contract and although when we agreed in theory that it would be a shared iPad it has become apparent that I am not going to be using it. It's all set up with him as a user (I don't think you can set up multiple accounts?) and he won't allow me to download any apps that I want to use (mumsnet, pinterest etc). We do have a laptop so he says I can use that, which is true, but the iPad is easier for surfing the net and also there are the apps, camera etc.

I'm just a bit annoyed that he thinks he can go out and spend all this money on something fun for himself to play with, whilst all my money is spent on things for the family. I can't remember the last time I bought myself something so am a little hurt that he thinks that this is fair.

His response is go get a job if you want money to spend on stuff but it's not that easy. We have no family nearby and the cost of childcare is prohibitive so I can only work round his shifts.

I'm just so fed up. Aibu in thinking my husband is a selfish git?

I can actually understand not wanting anyone to use your brand new toy (once dh and ds got on my laptop it began falling apart and was always full of sports crap). But the way round that is for you both to have one. His attitude to money is a problem though - does he actually want you to be at work full-time, with a small baby? If he agrees you shouldn't work, he has automatically agreed to split his earnings 50/50.

You are not a SAHM imo if you work 2 small jobs earning £60 a week! Dont put your self down!
He should def share the ipad, how selfish of him!

Oh dear, my ipad is my ipad, my dh chose a laptop. If it was bough for both of you then it should be shared, do you need one night each on rotation?

Personally i would be very cross with him, you could have done lots of great things with the money.

I would be feeding him beans as per suggestion above and buying my own.

Wow he sounds like a 6yr old!!!
My dh bought me an iPad for my birthday last yr, which I have used loads. Even though it was a specific gift for me, I would never dream of telling him he couldn't use it/ download apps to it. That's just fucking rude and disrespectful IMO.

it's more the attitude IMO i.e. that it was supposed to be for all of you and now he's basically made it his.

Spend all your money on stuff foor you next week and then say to him that if he wants to eat he should get another job to fund it. ;)

Don't you dare spend the money coming from holidays on house stuff. It is yours and if the selfish git complains tell him he needs to learn to share before you will continue to.

Also agree with WannaBe :)

Tell him that if he wont share then the holiday money is going on another iPad for you :)

leave the bastard ! when you get"settlement" buy an Ipad upgrade ! now that will teach him!

I agree with niceguy
And that's pretty rare...

OP he is being controlling and financially abusive.

Ok, what you do is start shopping at aldi and with the money left over you get an ipad too.

DH gets precious about new things but once the novelty wears off he's better again.

op. i am a compleatly selfish cunt (im allowed to use that word because im telling you about me) what is mine is mine and nobody but nobody can touch it with out my permission and im such a cow i probally wouldnt give it. i dont share my stuff nor do i share money but if you share children with me make a valid contribution towards my household domestic tasks/childcare or anything that enables me to work and get money then me giving 50% of my income to you is not sharing you will have earnt it so its yours.if you earn your own money but its less than me you are still able to concider my wages as your wages.as the only reason i could do that is because you doing your work means i dont have to fund external staff. if i do not hand this to you because i pay the bills if i buy a ipad half of it is yours unless i have also brought you your own ipad.
YANBU really your not even from my really warped perspective

Hello, me again. Seems like it is pretty unanimous them, ianbu. I have shown my husband this thread and he has agreed that he is being unfair. I said he had a choice of either letting me use it or I would be buying one next week. He agrees that it will be shared and I have now downloaded some of the apps I wanted :) He says he was worried I would clog it up with loads of stuff (he isn't very technically minded, I'm the computer expert out of the two of us) so he overreacted. He has apologised and says he feels really bad for upsetting me :(

As for the working and childcare issue, the vast majority of the time all money is shared. We don't have "my" money and "his" money. We are a team and everything is shared (including a lot of the housework). That is why I was so taken aback by this, it really isn't what he is like normally. If I was to work full time, after I'd paid for childcare and petrol the total amount of money we would gain as a family is less than £100 a month. I don't earn enough to make it worthwhile :( I work part time as I actually bring in more to the family that way. Madness, isn't it?

I have downloaded the mumsnet app but it won't open? Anyone else had that problem?

Thank you all very much for your feedback :)

P.s. the money next week... Some is going on boring household stuff, some is being used for a family trip to the zoo and some is going to be spent on buying fabric for me :)

. If I was to work full time, after I'd paid for childcare and petrol the total amount of money we would gain as a family is less than £100 a month.

Surely you mean "after the money youd BOTH paid out for childcare. They are his kids too.

Carernotasaint, sorry, slip of the tongue (or finger!) It would be us both jointly paying for childcare, 50/50. The end result would be the same though, we are better off with me working the part time jobs I do at the moment than we would be if I worked full time :(

Two apps you and your baby would enjoy are Sound Touch and Nighty Night. ST is a cartoon picture of say, a rooster, which you touch and then pics of real roosters come up. There are also vehicles, musical instruments, six categories, I think. NN is a darling story about animals going to sleep for the night. You pick a lighted window and touch it and the animal/s there curl up, sigh, and settle down to sleep when you turn off the light, you have to find the light switch.

I have lots of solutions invlving you buyng yourself an ipad, but really? Get him to buy you one, if he refuses to share :-)

Ooops - . INVOLVING and BUYING. and any other mistakes you notice that i have missed.

Lovely to see a thread like this work out so nicely.
Good on your DH, Hippy.

Good on him for reading the thread and agreeing he was BU. not that I share my beloved iPad

I've managed to get the mumsnet app working any suggestions for app other apps I might like? Thank you!

Well done, Hippy. The power of Mumsnet!

Stories like this make me want to support the Xenia philosophy on life: earn more than your DP or you will be treated like shit.