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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off??

31 replies

RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 15:12

Need a bit of a rant.

I have 2 kids, a baby and a toddler, my partner works and i stay at home. I dont drive, the buses arent regular or pram friendly, and my toddler is an absolute nightmare to take anywhere, so im pretty much stuck at home 24/7.

Been having a bit of a moan lately to DP about how fed up i am, i dont get any adult conversation, any time without the kids etc...

We're currently trying to save up for a holiday.

Anyway, yesterday DP said ''why dont we go out for a meal tomorrow night, i'll see if my mum can babysit and if not we'll go somewhere child friendly and take the kids with us'' YES!! I thought, im going to get out of these 4 walls for the first time in ages, usually i go as far as the shop and thats it (i live in a very small town)

So today ive had a bath and done my hair, slapped on some fake tan and picked out a nice dress to wear.

Then i get a phone call from DP saying ''maybe we'll give it a miss tonight, i'd rather put the money towards the holiday''

But heres the best part, next Saturday my DP is going out at dinner time, drinking and playing cards with his friends all day then coming home at god knows what time. And yep, i'll be at home, on my own, with the kids, just like i always am.

Am i being unreasonable to feel very pissed off about this?

OP posts:
sweetheart · 17/08/2012 15:13

Don't feel pissed off - just tell him how much you were looking forward to it and that you are going wether he likes it or not. Simples Smile

mamamibbo · 17/08/2012 15:14

i would have told him no problem,. we will have a fair amount with you cancelling next week aswell :)

usualsuspect · 17/08/2012 15:15

Have you got any friends you can go out with tonight instead of him?

Original poster
RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 15:16

Usualsuspect - no i dont have anyone to go out with :( i dont have any friends around here, otherwise i'd just fuck off out tonight and see how he likes it

Im sick to death of always being the one who's stuck at home.

OP posts:
nickelcognito · 17/08/2012 15:17

he doesn't get to do his thing if you don't get yours.

tell him that he can Bob if he thinks he's reneging in your night out.
and if he won't accept that, then arrange with your friends a night out, he can stay at home with the kids.
and he can pay for it too.

nickelcognito · 17/08/2012 15:17

x-posts. sorry

nickelcognito · 17/08/2012 15:18

you've got to fuck off out.

you sound rural - join the WI.
(I'm in the WI, I joined because I moved to the middle of nowhere where I knew nobody at all - it's great for making friends and you get sandwiches, tea and cake)

usualsuspect · 17/08/2012 15:19

You need to get out on your own in the evenings.Are there any evening classes you could join?

NatashaBee · 17/08/2012 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

changeforthebetter · 17/08/2012 15:27

Holiday, eh? I would suggest a course of driving lessons and a cheap runaround car instead. Unless, he prefers the idea of keeping you at home........

Seriously, he seems to have all the power here
-We can go for dinner
-No we can't
-I can go out without you and spend money on drinking.

Brew and good luck broaching this subject. You need to, or the unfairness of it all will just fester.

Original poster
RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 15:28

He's just text me saying ''i'll take you to the market and annes on sunday''

Oh whoopee, Anne's, his auntie that IVE NEVER EVEN MET, im so fucking excited! NOT

I am rural, i live in the Lake District, nothing but fields and hills here.

Im thinking of joining a kickboxing class at the gym, the only problem is my partner works shifts, so id probably only manage once a fortnight.

OP posts:
changeforthebetter · 17/08/2012 15:29

Yup - he likes to be in control, doesn't he?

Kick-boxing?? Grin

usualsuspect · 17/08/2012 15:29

Sorry but lol at taking you to Annes.

Tell him to take the children to Annes and you go and do something on your own.

Original poster
RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 15:32

changeforthebetter - ive just started driving lessons 2 weeks ago, so its going to take a while for me to pass, but this is the main reason im doing it, so that i dont have to rely on him and i can actually go and visit my friends and do stuff with the kids

OP posts:
changeforthebetter · 17/08/2012 15:34

Good for you chuck!! Smile

Fully agree with usualsuspect BTW! Grin

Original poster
RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 15:35

I sent him a text saying how upset i am so he rang me and said ''ok well we'll all go out for a bar meal then'' and i ended up crying down the phone, telling him how ive had enough of being stuck in this house, he told me not to get myself worked up and when i was still crying and saying ''ive had enough'' he said ''whatever'' so i fucking hung up on him.

OP posts:
Sunnystormyday · 17/08/2012 15:40

Random - tell the kids that "Daddy's taking us all out for tea tonight, isnt he kind?" and get them really excited, dressed, scrubbed and standing on the doorstep when he gets home. Grin

Have a lovely time!

NatashaBee · 17/08/2012 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelcognito · 17/08/2012 15:46

big area

it's a map of all the WIs in your area.
find the local one and go.

you'll have to go without the kids. Grin

nickelcognito · 17/08/2012 15:47

so he's not even taking you seriously after you've cried down the phone to him?
:(

Original poster
RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 15:54

nickelcognito - he text me saying ''are you ok now?'' i replied ''no im not'' so he replied ''well we'll get you out the house tonight and at the weekend, you'll be alright''

I feel like telling him to fuck off and shove his poker chips up his arse.

He's never had to look after both kids alone for more than an hour or 2.

OP posts:
Original poster
RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 15:56

Oh and just to add, its ok for him to fuck off to Sunderland for a night out with his mate, or play poker whenever he wants, then he'll say to me ''you know, you can go out when ever you want, you know that'' so i said to him ''im going out on saturday'' (a few weeks ago) and lo and behold the friday before he took me out for a meal, almost like he was hoping i wouldnt wana go out after that (and i didnt, had nobody to go out with)

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 17/08/2012 16:05

Aaaw! Your DP is mean.
You need to pick a time to explain to him calmy that it's horrible being stuck at home all day with no adult company. Try not to make your DP feel responsible for your outside activities but explain how if he says you're going to do something you really look forward to it.
You definitely need to get out!
Take heart - your toddler will soon be going to groups and you'll hopefully meet other mums through that. Coffee mornings here you come :)

Original poster
RandomUsername · 17/08/2012 16:18

Ive tried telling him, but them he says that im trying to blame him for me being stuck inside, its not his job to organize my social life, that he takes me out for meals (once in a blue moon) that he works hard blah blah blah.

Then i feel like i cant say anything, or he'll ''feel guilty''

I just feel very trapped. Its like, if he says he's going somewhere then i automatically know that he means ''on his own'', if i say I'M going somewhere the first words out of his mouth are usually ''are you taking the kids?''

He even admitted to me that he knows its not an equal share when it comes to the kids, but he ''does all he can'' considering he works. I feel like he has a life and i dont. It really makes me want to cry.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 17/08/2012 16:20

How old is your toddler? You will meet more people when they start school.

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